When the Monster comes
by iamtryN
Summary: This is a... What if John made another choice other than keeping the boys with him? Here's my answer.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own is that plot bunny over there trying to hide under the bed… _I see you_… here, bunny, bunny… giggles. Not mine, _dang it_ as my niece would say.

**NOTE#1**: Ok, 1st off no freakage… K? I know I haven't finished our Retirement story and will continue to post it on Wed and Sun until completed and therefore since I will be posting that story on those days I will be posting this story on Tuesdays.

**NOTE#2**: This story is a result of a conversation I had with Leigh Ann Wallace about what if… what if happened? AND we came up with a summer challenge for each other. This is mine… She will post hers** Junkyard Dog **today as well. I will fav hers when she posts so you will be able to go to my favs and get to her story and be able to keep up with both ;). Sounds fun, huh?

Chapter 1

"Hey, dad!" Dean yelled as he came in the door letting the screen door slam with a bang as he yelled while he tossed his backpack on the bench by the door. When he received no answer he tried again, "Dad! Hey old man… you gone deaf on me?" He yelled again as he grinned, that was sure to get a response.

As he walked into the kitchen he was surprised to find his dad at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Dean instantly went into a squat beside his dad as he rested a hand on his shoulder while he tried to see his father's face. "Is it Sammy?" He rubbed his dad's shoulder as he continued, "I just left him at Soccer practice. Shit… I should have stayed." and he stood to go back the way he'd just came.

Bobby quickly grabbed Dean's wrist to stop him from leaving.

Dean's heart felt like it was trying to erupt from his chest as he whispered, "What's going on, Dad?"

"I…" Bobby ran a free hand through his hair as he let go of Dean he told him, "Sit down son." Then he looked up for the first time since Dean came into the room.

"Dad, please." Dean almost begged as his breath seemed to catch and hold as he rasped out, "You're scaring me."

"Dean." Bobby's voice cracked so he stopped and tried again, "I got a call today."

Dean tilted his head to the side in question as he asked, "Why are you so freaked?"

Bobby chuckled before he said softly, "You've always been able to read me like a book."

"Just like you taught me." Dean said with a proud grin.

"Yes, Dean… I… I couldn't have asked for better sons than you and Sammy. I've been proud to be your father." Bobby sighed… this was the hardest part, "So, I will understand…"

"Son of a bitch!" Dean growled as understanding hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Dean." Bobby said surprised at the instant anger that erupted from his oldest.

"He called didn't he?" Dean snarled before he continued, "After all these years… _what_? He thinks he can just walk in here and… _and do what exactly_?" Dean asked throwing a frustrated hand through his own hair.

"He wants to take you with him… on the road." Bobby said quietly, bluntly as he held nothing back from his oldest.

"I don't give a shit… He doesn't have the right to ask that of me… and what about Sammy?" Dean growled as he realized why he was so angry. _Nothing from John Winchester in 10 years and out of the blue he calls and wants to step back into their lives… Hell no… not happening._

"He wants just you… but he says he has something to tell us about Sammy." Bobby admitted, he never kept anything from his oldest… Sammy was different, they both tried to shield him from hurtful things.

"Yeah well… I don't want to hear anything that man has to say." Dean snapped as he said with a panicked look, "I need to get to Sammy."

"I'll drive." Bobby said as they raced out the door. Hoping that John wasn't already in town… at that very moment with their Sammy.

It seemed like the longest ten minutes ever to get back to the soccer field in town where Sam was at practice.

Sammy stopped in the middle of running across the field when he saw his dad and brother tear into the parking lot squalling tires. Dean threw open the door before his dad even fully stopped. He was already moving towards them as Dean frantically stood on the side board and waved him over.

He yelled back over his shoulder, "See ya later."

Dean looked in an absolute panic, like the time he'd got lost in the woods and it took him well after dark for Dean to track him down.

"What's wrong?" He asked as Dean jumped down and grabbed him, pulling him in front of him and shoving him into the truck as he searched the area and then climbed back in.

Sammy noticed his Dad giving Dean "_the look_" so he turned just in time to see Dean's slight nod to the negative.

Bobby put the truck in reverse as he asked Sam, "See anyone that you didn't recognize today?"

"Doing what?" Sam asked curiously at their intense study of the area as they drove.

"Watching practice." His dad replied as he stared straight ahead at the road.

Dean was alternating between staring at the surrounding passing scenery and him.

Finally Sam asked, "What?" in response to his brother's odd staring.

"Well, did you?" Dean asked as he turned and looked behind them.

"Maybe you noticed an unusual car?" Bobby suggested.

Sam blinked as he commented, "Oh, yeah. But nobody ever got out." he rubbed his elbow as he watched his dad and his brother's reactions.

"Where?" Dean snapped pissed that he had let down his defenses.

"Well… it was at the school, right after. But you picked me up. Then about 10 minutes after you dropped me off for practice it was in the parking lot. Mark hit it with the soccer ball but the guy didn't move… _it was weird_." Sam kept rubbing his elbow until Dean slapped his hand away and grabbed his arm to check it himself.

"D… I fell on it earlier… it's just sore." Sam growled as he tried to remove his arm from his brother's grasp.

"Stop your fidgeting and let him look at it." Their Dad said with a tiny grin. Dean would only get worse if Sam continued to resist. "You know he's not going to quit until you let him." his Dad told him with a reassuring smile, like everything was fine.

"Why didn't you call me?" Dean growled back.

"What? When I fell?" Sam asked as he pretended ignorance.

Dean bopped him on the back of the head, "Don't be a smartass, bitch."

"jerk." Sam mumbled as he rubbed his head. "What was I suppose to say… Guys stop… hold that pass just a minute so I can call my big brother and tell him there's a perv staring at me?" He snorted before he continued, "Yeah… that would go over real well."

"Dude, you know the rules." Dean snapped his worry blooming out as anger.

"Dad…" Sam whined with a glance at his father.

"Boys…" Bobby couldn't help but smile before he put on his stern face, "Both of you… knock it off."

Twin, "yes, sir." from both had Bobby smiling as he pulled back into the drive to Singer and Sons Salvage.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE#1**: First of all, I am so sorry for the lack of ages in this story, I meant to tell you in Chap 1, honest I did but as several of you pointed out (_**Thank You!**_) I didn't… So here they are: Dean has just turned 19- out of school, Sammy is 15. They have been with Bobby since Dean was 9 and Sammy 5. And by the way I am keeping up with LeighAnn's **Junkyard Dog** story and I'm loving it, what fun!

**Disclaimer**: The only thing that's mine is the story idea and I have to share that with LeighAnnWallace. So, um… dang. Sandbox Raid, maybe? LOL smile!

Chapter 2

Bobby stopped smiling as Sam commented, "Weird, what's that car doing here?"

"Dean." Bobby said as he pulled the truck to a stop in front of the garage.

Dean pulled a gun out of the glove box to which a very surprised Sam asked, "What is wrong with you two?"

Dean silently handed the gun to Bobby as he told them, "Stay put until I give the okay."

"What?" Sam asked and then looked frantically at Dean who was pulling another gun from under the seat, "No! Dad…" He yelled as he reached for his dad to keep him from leaving the truck.

Bobby looked down at his hand clasped on his sleeve before he looked up at his son, "It's okay, Dean'll be with you."

"No. Stay with us." Sam begged because he had an over whelming panic about letting his dad out of the truck alone.

Bobby looked over his son's shoulder to his oldest but said, "Dean's gotcha."

Dean pulled Sam back against him as he told him gently, "He just wants to make sure it's safe."

"Why the guns, D?" Sam asked sounding close to tears.

"It's just a precaution." Dean commented as he tensely watched the way his dad was walking slowly up to the black car.

The man that stepped out and grinned as he held his hands up in surrender caused an involuntary gasp from Dean as he instantly had tears spring up very much to his aggravation. He didn't want to still care about the man that was standing in front of his dad.

"What?" Sam asked his confusion clear as he continued, "Do you know him? Who is that?" He asked as he stared at the scene in front of him. His dad had yet to lower the gun.

"Yeah. I know the son of a bitch." Dean snarled as a wave of the old anger resurfaced to wash over him.

Sam turned to stare at Dean as he whispered, "Who is he?"

"John Winchester." Dean snapped as if something nasty had just crossed his taste buds.

Sam jerked around to stare back at the man and his dad, "Why would he come here? Why now?"

"Nothing good. I can tell you that much." Dean declared flatly.

"We don't have to talk to him do we?" Sam asked nervously.

"No." Dean stated firmly.

Bobby reluctantly lowered his gun as he informed John, "They don't want to see you."

"I just want to see my oldest. Let him tell me that after I tell you what I've learned. If he still feels that way. I'll leave." John said firmly.

"Yeah, well… he doesn't want to see you. John, seriously what did you expect? You abandoned them 10 years ago and now you show up to see _your son? _You stopped coming by or even calling_. So why now, John?" _Bobby demanded before he added, "Like you think you still have rights…" He ranted as he gestured towards the truck the boys had been sitting in, not realizing they had moved from it.

"I do. I'm their father." John stated flatly.

"No. _You're_ not. He is." Dean stated firmly as he walked up to stand next to Bobby.

John smirked at the gun in Dean's waistband as he asked, "You know how to shoot that?"

"I can hit anything I aim at." Dean declared as he took a step closer to John, "You have no business here. _Not anymore_. We are Singers. Not Winchesters. There is no reason for you to come here again. Right, Sammy?"

"Whatever you say Dean." Sam said clearly as he stood next to his big brother.

"Just give me five minutes." John said as he watched Dean closely.

"No." Dean growled instantly.

"I will leave and not come back if you give me a few minutes to talk to you." John said trying to get his foot in the door.

"Sam, go inside." Dean said quietly not taking his eyes off John.

"Dad…" Sam whined to Bobby.

Bobby nodded as he took Sam by the arm and gently pushed towards the house. "Why don't you go play with Rumsfeld… I bet he's missed you while you were gone today."

"Or go find my bowie so we can practice in a few." Dean suggested with a smile for his little brother.

"Cool…" Sam loved to play with that knife but Dean was always worried Sam might cut his own arm off or some shit and normally wouldn't let him mess with it. _Yep_, he knew it was a _get Sammy out of the way_ tactic… so he headed straight upstairs to the bedroom window that was already open and sat down to listen.

"You got four minutes left Winchester." Dean growled angrily as he watched John smile at him. He wouldn't admit it but that smile was different than he remembered, like kinda creeping him out different.

"You always let the boy run the show Singer?" John asked the hostility dripping from his words.

"Only when it's his right to." Bobby snapped back clearly as he inched closer to his son, he felt it in every pore; something was off.

"You're wasting time, John." Dean reminded him bluntly.

John laughed and then spoke in a cheerful tone, "Fine, but you might want to sit down." he chortled as he leaned against the grill of his impala.

"We're fine, now quit stalling." Bobby growled as he took a step closer matching Deans' so they stood side by side.

John looked both of them over before he began his gaze focused on Dean, "I found him. The yellow eyed bastard that killed your mother."

Dean paled as he remembered his last conversation with his birth father. "_When I kill him… I'll come back for you…_"

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Didn't even get them as a Thanksgiving Day present… stomps foot and pouts… so, no dang it to Hades, still not mine.

**NOTE#1**: This is my Thank You for all the wonderful reviews, favs and alerts and to all the wonderfuls that have asked for a chapter sooner… Yes, C it was! So here you go! Enjoy!

Chapter 3

"You killed him?" Dean whispered slightly shocked; after all it'd been 10 years.

"No, he got away." John said bluntly, before he added, "But he told me some things before he did. I verified what he said…"

"What? You're rambling." Bobby growled as his gun came back up.

"No… It was coming for Sam." John said not a hint of emotion on his face.

Dean's head jerked up automatically to the window he knew his brother was at. It was a good thing Sammy couldn't hear, Dean thought wildly.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean finally snapped when he focused back on John.

"If Mary hadn't come in the room and tried to stop him, she would be alive. All he wanted was the kid." John told him as he folded his arms across his chest, "He's going to be the death of you both if you don't let him go."

"Let him go?" Dean growled as he stepped up and grabbed the front of his dad's shirt. Giving him a slight shake, "What the hell does that mean?" Dean turned maroon as he looked over his shoulder at Bobby, "Sammy's not going anywhere, right dad?"

"Right, son." Bobby replied firmly.

"He's not your son." John snarled as he stood.

Dean pushed his father back as he surged back to stand next to his dad. "We sure as hell ain't yours. You left us 10 years ago, at least physically. Mentally you left the day mom died. We'll keep my brother safe. Your five is up. We're done here."

Dean stopped in mid stride towards the house to say over his shoulder, "Don't come back."

John looked at Dean and smiled, then turned to say to Bobby, "That boy ain't normal."

Bobby smiled fondly at Dean before he commented, "Naw, but he's just fine the way he is. Dean's decided. I think you better leave now."

"_Sam_ is not normal and they will come for him. They will kill anyone standing in the way." John said ominously.

"Message delivered John. Goodbye." Bobby turned and followed Dean into the house.

Sam felt like he couldn't breathe… _he'd killed his mom_? He tried to stand. To back away from the window, but ended up on his knees when they wouldn't hold him up.

Dean heard the thump from the entryway and realized it had come from the room his shared with his brother. He raced up the stairs two at a time. He stumbled into the room just in time to see Sammy as he struggled to stand then giving up and bury his face in the bedspread and cry.

"Sammy!" Dean cried out as he rushed over to kneel beside his little brother as he grabbed him by the shoulders, "Sammy?" He asked as he tried to see his face that was hidden by his bangs. "Boy you need a haircut." he commented.

Sam snorted as he muttered, "You just find out I'm evil incarnate and you're worried about long hair?"

Dean laughed out loud before he said as he pulled his brother up to sit beside him on the bed, "You? Evil?"

"I don't want you or dad hurt because of me." Sammy said firmly.

"Sammy. The guy's crazy. It's not true." Dean told him firmly.

"But what if it is?" Sammy asked quietly.

"Sammy… it's not." Dean said as he pushed Sam's hair out of his eyes.

Sammy sat shaking on the bed as he made his decision. If it came down to him or them, he was picking them, "I love you guys, D."

Dean slugged him on the arm as he told him fondly, "We love you too, you jerk."

"D, you're the jerk." Sammy smirked as he stood up.

"Oh, yeah… that's right…" Dean snickered as he playfully shoved Sam back onto the bed as he muttered, "bitch."

Sammy launched himself off the bed and tackled Dean, rolling them both onto the floor.

Dean laughed as he landed hard on his back on the floor. The huge thud caused a "_Boys_!" from Bobby and a snicker escaped from Sam as he whispered, "Boy, you're in trouble now."

"Me?" Dean questioned as he pinned Sam to the floor with an arm across his chest.

"Yep… you're the oldest." Sam smirked as he lay there catching his breath.

Dean sat up and smacked Sam on the forehead, then launched himself off the floor before Sam could retaliate.

"I'm telling." Sam remarked as he stood, launching a shoe at Dean's head.

Dean laughed as he dodged the shoe and headed towards the door, saying over his shoulder, "Not if I get there first, besides what are you… _two_?"

Sam raced after Dean smirking at his big brother, yeah he knew Dean was trying to distract him. He was actually usually pretty damn good at it. But this time was different and they both knew it.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing in Winchesterland…ah, but I wish I did… but alas, that is not the same as ownership**… **Wishes do not equal the getting of the boys… it's enough to make a girl cry…

**NOTE#1**: Be nice to me please… no hex bags… I love you guys… _Really I do_! Thank you soooo much for the favs and alerts! **Ah, and the REVIEWS**! Still adore them! They are so much better than chocolate! Enjoy! and remember DON'T KILL THE WRITER!

Chapter 4

Dinner was quieter than it normally was and they all knew the reason for it, one John Winchester.

Dean finally broke the silence by telling Sam that he'd decided not to go out with his girlfriend Mardi that night.

"She's going to kill you, D." Sam smirked as he looked at their dad.

"Yeah, well I already talked to her, she understands." Dean smirked right back.

"And just what _did_ you tell her?" Sam asked curious.

"Duh, dude… _the truth_." Dean said as he stuffed an overflowing spoon of mashed potatoes in his mouth.

"Yeah, but who's version?" Sam asked as he got ready to move quickly if needed.

"Ou…ch…" Dean sighed theatrically and as he grabbed his chest he added, "that hurts dude…"

"Smartass…" Sammy muttered under his breath.

"Sammy." Bobby reprimanded his youngest only to ruin it with a smile.

Bobby couldn't hide the fact that he was worried from his oldest which was the real reason for the cancellation of the date. They needed to know what the hell was happening and why. He was going to make some calls after Dean took Sammy outside later to distract him. He was still the research guru of the hunting world so he had some friends that he thought might be able to tell him what John had been up to recently.

It was a strange arrangement. He'd been active in that world until the boys had been left with him. He'd dropped back to only research with strict orders not to bring trouble to him… so far they'd been lucky. Suddenly he felt that it had just run out. _They were in for some rough roads_ he thought grimly.

"Dad, you okay?" Sammy asked as he watched his dad stare off into space for the fourth time.

"What?" Bobby asked as he finally realized someone was talking to him.

"You okay?" Sammy repeated as he stared at his dad.

"Yep. Just thinking…" He said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Sammy looked at Dean who was studying them both and asked, "And what about you?"

"What? _Me_? I'm just fine… _what about you_?" Dean asked his little brother.

"Tell me your honestly not worried about what happened today." Sammy demanded as his eyes never left Dean's face.

Dean looked at Sammy a few seconds before he said flatly, "I'm not worried about anything that happened today."

Sammy shook his head as he muttered, "Liar."

"Sammy… the man is nuts. Ya know that right?" Dean asked as he watched his little brother.

Sammy frowned as he commented, "He thinks I killed our mom."

"Sammy you were six months old, there was a fire… _that's it._ The rest is him trying to justify everything in his own mind." Dean stated as he pushed his plate away no longer even slightly hungry.

Sammy's lower lip trembled as he bowed his head to stare at his hands.

"I promise it wasn't your fault." Dean said firmly as he placed his hand on his brother's shoulder and squeezed.

"Boys… you need to go upstairs and hang out in my room for awhile." Bobby said without taking his eyes off the window he was staring out.

"Sure, dad." Dean said standing quickly and reaching to pull Sammy out of his chair. _Hanging out in dad's room _was code for Dean to secure a weapon in the room and wait for Bobby to give him the all clear. A safe room. They had had drills but never had to actually use it, kinda like fire drills.

"Is he back?" Sammy asked worriedly, looking over his shoulder as Dean pulled him out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"Why would he come back? I told him we didn't want to see him again." Dean told him even as he pushed him ahead of him up the stairs.

After a half hour of silence Dean's knee had started to bounce and he was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the door as he silently willed their dad to come through it and tell them it was nothing.

Sammy sat next to him chewing on his nails as he stared at the gun Dean held.

Dean and Sammy both jumped as the bedroom door slammed open and hit the wall behind it.

"Boys, I'm home." John Winchester grinned as he stood framed in the doorway. He wiped a bloody knife on his shirt before he put it back in its sheath on his belt.

**TBC**

**TiNyNoTe**: Please don't kill me… I can't seem to help it… It's the way the story wrote itself… _I Know, I know!_ (jumps up and down) Pointing at the scattering plot bunnies… _It was them_! ~iamtryN


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the little darlings but if I did… they could join in on the Sandbox Raids! Oh what fun! But… I haven't been able to convince them (suits) to hand them over… looks around and whispers, "Working on it though…"

**NOTE#1**: Thank you all for the continued support of reviews, favs and alerts! You totally rock! It's awesome! I am posting this ahead of the reviews again but I will get to them I promise… Cause… **I love getting them**, really I do! (Please Remember I love the boys)

Chapter 5

"What the hell did you do to my Dad?" Dean snarled as he launched himself off the bed only to be grabbed by Sammy.

"_What_? I'm hurt. Your dear dad shows up and you send him packin' because you have a new daddy… now is that really any way to treat me? Well," He said with a shrug as he continued, "Now you don't. So, be ready to go in five." John snapped his face contorted with anger.

"You son of a bitch… _I. will. Kill. you_." Dean growled as he dislodged Sammy's arm and shoved him back on the bed with a snarled, "Stay there."

He turned to head towards John at the same time as Sammy tried to yank him out of the way of John's aim of the butt of a gun at his temple.

Dean's head made a sickening thump as it connected with the gun as John muttered, "Yeah… I didn't think so."

Then he focused on Sammy who was holding onto to an unconscious Dean with everything he had. "So, Sammy boy… _new plan_."

"Just leave us alone. You have for 10 years… why can't you just leave?" Sammy begged him as he tried to keep Dean from falling onto the floor.

"Well, see Sammy boy… it took me this long to find you. You're a well guarded secret." John said as he stepped back and surveyed the scene. He smiled.

"What do you want?" Sammy whispered, trying desperately not to drop Dean.

"Well, I did want Dean to return to hunting with me. But he doesn't want to. So, I've decided you will work even better. So, you can come instead." John told him the whole while smiling.

"I don't want to." Sammy trembled as he held tighter to his still out cold older brother.

"Ah, but you want daddy and big brother to live, right?" John asked coldly his eyes narrowed as he watched Sam.

"What? He's your son!" Sammy yelled at John as terror quickly raced through his veins.

John shrugged as he commented, "Just because he used to be my favorite doesn't mean…"

"So, if I go with you…" Sam talked over him so he wouldn't have to hear his threats, "You won't hurt them?" Sammy continued to interrupt him to ask as he looked quickly down at Dean. Dean would kill him for even thinking of doing this.

"I will leave them as is." John agreed.

Sammy chewed on his lower lip and gave Dean a quick squeeze and a barely whispered, "I'm sorry D." He tried to pull him further onto the bed with him.

John sighed and walked over and grabbed one of Deans' legs and yanked him up and onto the bed.

"Hey, careful." Sammy snapped as he tried to tug Dean out of reach.

"Quit stallin' kid… let's go." John ordered impatiently.

"I can't. I need to leave them a note." Sammy said frantically. He was really afraid if he left he would never see them again.

"Oh, " John laughed before he continued, "I think they'll figure it out." he stopped smiling as he grabbed Sammy and yanked him off the bed. Pulling him nose to nose he growled, "If you try to get away... I won't even look for you."

Sammy couldn't help the grin.

"Yeah, because I will come straight back here and kill them both. That will be on your head. _You hear me_?" John growled as he gave Sammy a shove that sent him slamming into the door frame. He groaned as his back connected with the wood. Sliding down it he tried to see Dean one last time before John grabbed him and dragged him down the stairs.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine, but there is always hope, right? I mean Christmas is coming up… (hint, hint) and then there is always a falling star. _Now how do I make one fall so I can wish upon it_? Well, I'll work on that but until then Supernatural Land is still beyond my grasp, dang it.

**NOTE#1**: I must apologize for the late answers to all the fab reviews! A rolled jeep (nephew- he's ok) and a sick gma (she had a good day) who is being moved to hospice/nursing home has kept me occupied. But in celebration of her good day and my nephew being okay I'm posting an early chapter. Plus it's just mean not to ease some minds…

Chapter 6

Dean moaned as his hand went to his head, his hand came away sticky as his eyes popped open, "Sammy!" He tried to yell as he sat up. The throbbing in his head intensified as he gasped and fell back his world swirling at a sickening pace around him.

A few seconds later he had slowly sat up and looked around. It was definitely darker than when they'd come into the room. "Sammy?" Dean called as he stood he noticed the gun on the floor where he'd dropped it. Leaning down he grabbed it raising back up he swayed on his feet as he called out again, "Sammy? Dad?"

He found no one on the second floor and moved onto the first. Which was also empty until he got to the kitchen where his father was laying in a pool of his own blood. "Dad!" Dean screamed as he hit the floor and skidded in next to him.

"Son…" Bobby whispered hoarsely, grabbing Dean's arm he gasped out, "He took him."

Dean stopped breathing before he stuttered out, "I thought he hate… _oh, god_." Dean moaned out in fear and worry.

Bobby shook his arm to get his attention as he told him firmly, "He was okay when they left. Call the sheriff, tell him to meet us at the hospital, I need stitches before we can start searching."

Dean sat there stunned, _his little brother was gone._

Bobby shook him again and once he was looking at him, he swore to his son, "_We will get him back_. I promise you son."

Dean jumped up to use the kitchen phone and after he called the sheriff he helped his dad to the truck.

"Sheriff meeting us there?" Bobby asked quietly as Dean slammed the truck into drive and floored it down the drive.

"Yeah. He's got people out looking for John's car." Dean said grimly as he glanced over as his dad winced, "Are you sure I shouldn't call for an ambulance?"

"We don't have time to wait. As it is we don't know for sure how many hours ahead of us he is." Bobby told him as he tried to put pressure on his side.

Dean hit the wheel in frustration as he growled, "I should have shot him where he stood."

"Dean he is your…" Bobby started to say only to have Dean snarl out his fear and anger.

"Whatever he was… He ruined any chance of _anything_ by taking my little brother and you can be damn sure I won't make that mistake again. _I will kill him_." Dean glared at the road as he skidded to a halt in front of the emergency room.

Two hours later had Dean pacing in front of the emergency room as he watched his dad and the sheriff having a '_private conversation_.'

He couldn't wait to get on the road and find his little brother and kill the son of a bitch that dared to take him away so after waiting another five minutes he charged over to his dad and the sheriff. "Well?" Dean demanded. "You find the son of a bitch yet?"

The sheriff looked at him a little shocked, he had never heard Dean Singer speak like that. "No, Dean… he uhmmm." He looked at Bobby for help.

Bobby sighed wearily before he finally said, "It looks like he got passed the roadblocks."

"What? How?" He asked as he got instantly pissed he ran a hand through his hair as he repeated, "How?"

"He rammed Deputy Hayward's patrol car out on 95." The sheriff told him bluntly.

"Sam? Did they see him?" Dean shots his questions out in a rush as he demanded to know, "Did he still have Sammy?"

Bobby bit his lower lip.

"Dad?" Dean snapped as he took a step back.

"Dean." Bobby replied as he took a step towards him.

"Just tell me they saw him alive?" Dean demanded even as his panic level rose at his dad's hesitation to tell him he held up a hand to halt his dad from stepping closer as he whispered, "_please, dad_."

"Dean." Bobby repeated as tears sprang to his eyes.

Dean's heart leapt immediately from his chest to his throat as he struggled to breathe. He staggered as he tried to remain upright. He needed to get to the truck and out to route 95 before he got any further away with _his little brother_.

"Dean… Sammy appeared to be seat belted in, but…" Bobby stopped and looked helplessly at the sheriff.

The sheriff stepped up and grabbed his arm as he informed him, "He appeared… his eyes were closed. We don't know if he was asleep or unconscious…"

Dean jerked away from the sheriff as he snapped, "_Don't_…" he backed up as he told, "Just don't fucking touch me." and then he turned and stormed off towards the truck as he thought to himself, _Sammy's okay. I will find him_. With a half sob he added, _he's just got to be_.

"Dean." Bobby called after his son, "Wait son…"

Dean stopped and waited for his dad to catch up as he tried to control his breathing.

As they neared the truck, a crowd had formed behind a barricade that a police officer was in front of as he tried to control the crowd.

"Mr. Singer?" yelled a reporter, "Do you have anything you'd like to say to the kidnapper?"

Bobby looked her straight in the eye as he said, "What I got to say I'll say to his face."

Dean slammed shut the door he'd just opened and stormed over to the crowd. Looking straight into the camera he said earnestly, "Don't worry Sammy. We're coming." Then his eyes darkened to almost black as he pointed at the camera, "I'll be seeing you soon." then he turned stomping back to the truck he climbed in and slammed the door shut. White knuckling the wheel he barreled from the parking lot.

Bobby stared silently at his son before he said quietly, "We need to go to the salvage yard first."

"No…" Dean snapped as he stated, "That's in the opposite direction of route 95."

"Yeah, I know son, but we will make up the time. I want to pick up the charger." Bobby said as he watched his son.

"The hunting charger?" Dean asked surprised. Even thought Bobby kept it in perfect running order it was an off limits vehicle. He drove it on occasion around the yard but other than that it hadn't been used in 10 years.

"Yep… the gear and everything is ready. We can throw tarp and go." Bobby declared firmly as Dean silently headed that way.

**TBC**

**TiNYnOtE**: From here for several chapters it will be alternating views. This chapter for example is about Dean and Bobby. The next will be what is happening to Sammy and John and it will alternate back and forth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the handsome devils known as the Winchesters no matter how much I like to play with them. Sandbox Raiding aside… let's try just borrowing. Remember '_the borrowers_'? I could… _fine_. Don't have to be so crabby about it... _Suits_. Apparently they don't like us to '_borrow_' them either so… whispers… _back to the raiding it is_… (evil grin)

**NOTE#1**: This chapter will be Sammy and John. I know this is different from anything I've ever wrote but I like it… And wait to decide to kill me until after the story is posted, k? Deal? I love the reviews, favs and alerts as always! So thank you my FFF for the time you took out of your day to read and review! I apologize for all the cliffs right now… it's just how Sammy and Dean did it… blame it on them or John… yep let's blame it on him! LOL, jk you know I love _all_ the boys… even though John wasn't the perfect parent… who is? Some are just better suited for the job than others. That being said, here ya go! But... Before you read on I must give this:

**WARNING: This story will be fairly dark from here on out so if drugs, violence and death bother you... Stop here and I will understand.**

Okay, if you choose to move forward... take a deep breath... (Waves and sends air kisses…)_ is it working_? Feeling peace and love? okay… Now, you read on…

Chapter 7

After leaving Singer Salvage John had watched Sam hug the passenger side door for all he was worth… _like that would save him_. He snickered at the absurdity of that little try for security.

Sam seemed to shrink further into the seat, trying to melt into the car. He knew that Dean was going to be pissed to find him gone but he also knew that his brother was alive this way and had a chance to save their dad. A small sob escaped at the thought of his dad bleeding out on the kitchen floor. He had begged for John to let him call for an ambulance but he had dragged him away instead.

"Ya know Sammy boy, you have to be punished." John told him without taking his eyes of the road.

"What?" Sam gasped out as he told John, "_But I came with you_." He couldn't help it his voice started to shake as well as the rest of him.

John laughed as he told him, "I'll make it quick this time." He had pulled over to the side of the road and before Sam could even move he had grabbed his arm and held up a syringe.

"No!" Sammy screamed as he struggled to get away from John's grip, knowing if he was unconscious, he wouldn't know where he was at or be able to defend himself.

John backhanded him across the face and as he sat stunned John, _none too gently_, stabbed the needle into his arm.

As the liquid disappeared into his arm he felt the warmth burn up his veins he asked, "What the hell did you give me, you bastard?"

"Ah, Sammy… _you will like it_." John told him with a smirk as he continued, "You'll feel no pain. Just give it a few seconds." He held onto his youngest child's arm until he went limp.

"Well, that didn't take long." John said with a satisfied grin as he buckled his youngest into the seatbelt.

John Winchester laughed as he rammed the police car and continued down Route 95 out of town. He snickered as he listened to the news that broke in on the country station he was currently listening to.

"_This Is Connie Taress here at the hospital in Sioux Falls where two local residents are being treated for injuries suffered when their home was broken into and the youngest member of the family kidnapped. The Singers were attacked in their home earlier this evening by a armed man that stabbed Mr. Singer and rendered the oldest Singer son unconscious. You may remember Dean Singer from his high school career, playing basketball, baseball and soccer for the Sioux Falls Tigers. The one taken was Samuel Singer, rising new soccer star at the school, following in his older brothers footsteps. Our heart goes out to them and prayers for a swift return… Just a moment…" the young reporter yelled "Mr. Singer?" yelled another reporter, "Do you have anything you'd like to say to the kidnapper?"_

He heard Bobby say, _"What I got to say I'll say to his face." _Then he heard a slam and then Dean said earnestly, _"Don't worry Sammy. We're coming._" Then he heard his son say, _"I'll be seeing you soon." _

John snickered as he heard the reporter say, "_and there you have it, Dean Singer and his brave words to his little brother. This is being broadcasted live to our studio and on our sister radio station KmO7-10. You can go to our website for photos of young Samuel…" _At that point John snapped the radio off.

He smiled as he sped up as he thought, _Let the games begin_.

Several hours later he heard Sam moan from the seat beside him, _Hum… let him wake up? Scare him a little? Or just shoot him up again before he fully woke up? _He quickly decided on the last one. He pulled over to the side of the road and gave him another dose. He gave slight pause to the fact that maybe it was dangerous to give him the mixture he was. He did steal it from a vet. He shrugged and gave him another shot of the shit anyway. It was easier than fighting with the brat to keep him with him.

So by the next morning Sam was blissfully unaware that they were no longer in the state he lived in.

John knew that soon they would have to get off the road before someone recognized his youngest and called it in. He couldn't have that yet. He wanted to get reacquainted with the boy and play awhile before the cavalry showed up and the real games began.

He decided that they could hole up in the abandoned barn a few miles outside of the town he was currently in. He remember the place from a job he'd done here a few years before. _Just for the day_. He could play for the day and then head out that night. He smiled as he headed for the abandoned barn. _Oh, yeah… fun was on the horizon_.

When Sam came to it was to a burning sensation on his arm. He raised his head and stared groggily at his father John. He mumbled as he realized he felt weird, "What are… why are you doing this?"

John studied him for several seconds before he chose to answer, "I'm entertaining myself while I wait for the family reunion."

Sammy licked his dry lips as he asked, "You're taking me…" He struggled in another breath as he looked down saying, "home?" He still was too muddle headed to determine where exactly he was.

John laughed as he replied, "_Uh, no_… what would be the fun in that?" He raised Sam's head so he could stare him in the eye, "I think a nice game of cat and mouse…"

"Why?" Sam asked as his eyes filled with tears. He couldn't understand the confusion running insanely wild in his head… he tried to move his hands. That was when he realized he was tied, he tried to move his head to look, "What?" his disorientation hampering his speech and movements.

"Don't bother Sammy boy, I tied you to some posts but you should probably try to stand, otherwise your shoulders are going to hurt like a bitch in the morning." John informed him with a chuckle as he watched Sammy's eyes finally focus on him. Then John stood as he walked over to the table as Sam's eyes followed him he moaned in terror when he realized what John was headed for. "No… no more, please."

John laughed as he asked, "Tell me you really aren't starting to enjoy the feeling of this?" He asked holding up the syringe for him to see.

Sam looked at him with such a puppy dog stare that anyone with a heart would have melted on the spot.

John instead laughed as he walked over to Sam and pushed up his sleeve.

Sam tried to pull away as he mumbled, "I don't want it."

"You will… well, Okay… _confession_. This is different than that other stuff I've been giving you. The other stuff was just a sedative… basically. _This_. This shit Sammy is a good high. I hear this stuff can get you hooked quick… You know what that means?" John asked as he watched Sammy.

Sammy shook his head as he told his father, "Don't."

"It means that it takes very little to get a person hooked. It's different for every person, but how about we play a game. Let's call it…" John acted like he was thinking about what to call his new game.

Sam moaned out, "No, please…" as he tried to pull away.

"How many hits does it take for Sammy boy to beg for it?" John asked wickedly as he cut the rope holding one of Sam's hands. Sam cried out in pain as he tried to move away.

John once again backhanded him, but this time he was so filled with terror he kicked at John, catching him above the knee and causing him to stagger back under the force of the kick.

John laughed as he slugged him in the face glancing the chin and knocking him out cold which caused him to fold instantly. John smiled in satisfaction as he grabbed his arm and told his youngest even though he couldn't hear him, "It won't be long and you will be begging me for your next fix."

**TBC**

**TiNYnoTe: I don't take drug addiction or any of the other things lightly **but it is a neccassary evil for this story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Winchester World. Well, maybe in my dreams but then I wake up and find out it's not real… so sad (shakes head)

**NOTE#1**: As I said this is the darkest thing I've ever written but when things get bad just remember the Sandbox Rules and you'll be okay. Smile, people! Thanks for all the reviews (I totally ADORE them!), favs and alerts!

Chapter 8

Within half an hour Dean was barreling down the drive in a purring charger that growled as it ate up the road. "Yeah." Dean mumbled. He would enjoy this if he wasn't at the moment chasing down the son of a bitch that had dared to steal his little brother from him.

"Slow down just a mite Dean." Bobby told his oldest as he popped the clip back in his gun, waist banding it he looked up to see a look of solid determination plastered all over Dean's face.

"He's going to wish to God he stayed gone. Dad I mean it." Dean snarled out as his grip tightened on the wheel.

"Dean if you go in half cocked someone will get hurt." His dad said quietly as he watched his oldest son.

"Yeah, that sorry son of a…" Dean growled out as he white knuckled the steering wheel.

"Dean you gotta stay focused. Keep your head clear." Bobby told him firmly.

"Oh, dad I can assure you I'm focused." Dean declared ominously.

Bobby rubbed at his mouth as he watched Dean clinched his jaw so hard he surprised he didn't break something.

Dean was scared shitless that he wouldn't make it time. _If he lost Sammy_…

"Dean." Bobby said softly.

Dean looked at his dad, a quick glance before turning back to the road, "Yeah?"

"We will find him." Bobby declared firmly.

"Why take him in the first place though dad… I just don't understand." Dean finally admitted quietly, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to ask John." Bobby said with a grim look on his face as he watched his oldest worry his lower lip bloody.

"Before or after I kill him? Dammit, Dad he better be okay." Dean stated hoarsely.

Bobby looked out the passenger window, because he was very afraid that if he lost one of his boys he would loose them both. They had always been unnaturally close. He assumed it had been because at the age of four Dean had been handed his six month old baby brother and told to take him out of the house fire that had killed their mother and set John Winchester on the path that had led him to Bobby Singer's doorstep. When John had asked him to take them after Dean had turned nine, he hadn't hesitated. And to this day he didn't regret his decision _to_ take them.

Bobby finally said what he thought, "Dean, you would know if something…" he clamped his lips closed, he was not going to voice _that_.

"Dad…" Dean stopped and drew in a ragged breath. He didn't understand the things he was feeling so he wasn't sure if he could explain it but he tried anyway because it was his dad he was talking to and if anyone besides Sammy could understand his ramblings it was him, "Sometimes I can feel him and then nothing… _like at all_." he blinked as a tear slid down his cheek he said, "I gotta tell you, it's scaring the hell out of me."

Bobby reached over and squeezed his sons' arm but said nothing, he honestly had no idea what to say to that.

So silence reigned for the next hour before Dean asked, "Should we call the sheriff to see if they have found him?"

"Actually I'm suppose to check in at midnight." Bobby said which caused Dean to look at his watch.

Dean sighed in frustration as he told Bobby, "I want him back now. I don't want to wait."

Bobby nodded as he told his son, "I know son I feel the same way."

At midnight they stopped at a police station in the town they were passing through and had them contact the sheriff. He was following up leads but so far nothing concrete. They had received a report of a black car at a gas station in the next state over where a boy had slept in the car while a guy fitting John's description had pumped gas. By the time the clerk realized and called it in John had vanished.

Bobby stormed out of the police station in hot pursuit of Dean who was already putting the car in reverse when he threw himself in the passenger seat, "What the hell, son?" he managed to huff out as he slammed his door shut.

Dean looked apologetic right before the terror set back in and he peeled out of the parking lot. "Dad… _Sam asleep_? He wouldn't. He'd be terrified and trying to get back to me… _us_. Not sleeping!" Dean yelled in a full blown panic even as he silently begged, _Please let him be okay_. _Please, Please, please_…

Bobby silently agreed with Dean but he was afraid if he voiced that out loud it would only serve to panic his oldest even more.

As Dean careened down the interstate toward the state John had been sited in Bobby suggested, "Maybe it wasn't John… maybe we're panicking about Sammy when it's not even him."

Dean gave him a look that told Bobby that he clearly didn't believe that.

Bobby shrugged as he told him, "Dean it's…"

Dean snapped at his father, "Dad it was Sammy, you and I both know it. Maybe he hit him…"

"Dean you will only drive yourself crazy sitting here trying to guess what's happening. Let's just get him and figure out the details later." Bobby tried to reason with his oldest.

"Dad, what if he's given him… _what if he drugged him_?" Dean chewed his lip and finally voiced his true fears, "What is he gives him something he's allergic to? Remember the reaction he had to that percocet they gave him that time he broke his ankle in track?"

Bobby opened his mouth only to close it again when Dean started up again, "What if he has a bad reaction? Will he even bother to take him to the hospital? Or will he let him…" Dean's voice dropped off into silence as he left the rest unsaid.

The silence reigned heavy as Dean mulled over the questions he'd asked Bobby as well as his unvoiced ones.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: This world is unfortunately not mine… the Winchesters are Kripke's… the lucky bas… dude.

**NOTE#1**: Thanks so much for all the reviews, favs and alerts on all my stories! It's so awesomely cool! Now… _about this one. _This chap is a Sam and John chapter. Some of you might want to close your eyes… _and promise to love me after this is over…_ blinks rapidly and borrows Sammy's puppy eyes…

~Remember the Sandbox Rules and it'll be okay… smiles…~

Chapter 9

"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey…" John sing-songed Sam out of his current stupor.

"D?" He mumbled, unsure of where he was and why his brother's voice sounded deeper… _unfamiliar_.

"Son, now really." John said flatly.

Sam's eyes snapped open and he looked up to stare at John Winchester, he channeled Dean when he managed to snarl, "You aren't my father. _My dad _is Robert Singer." He thought randomly that Dean would be proud of him and he struggled to stand as he told him, "They're coming for me. _My family_. My brother is going to rip your head off."

John tipped back his head and belly laughed before he turned cold eyes to stare at Sam, "Let him try. I'd like to see that." He said frostily.

"How could you be so different?" Sam asked right before his stomach growled.

John tilted his head to the side as he studied Sam, "Different? You can't possibly remember that much about me."

"Dean and my dad told me." Sam said as he looked away his stomach protesting the lack of food.

He chuckled as he stated, "I'll bet they did."

"Dad said you left to make us safe… to catch what killed…" Sam stopped and looked away.

"What? Killed your dear mom? Yeah well." He shrugged before he said, "Shit happens, right?" He picked up a syringe.

"No, please don't." Sam begged as he watched John advance toward him.

"Okay." He shrugged placing the syringe back on the table.

Sam's sigh of relief was short lived when he saw that John had dug out a lighter and a pocket knife from his jean's pocket and put one in each hand and then he placed his hands behind his back as he snapped, "Pick a hand."

"Then what happens?" Sam asked his heart starting to race in fear, he just knew this wasn't going to be good.

"The one you pick is the one we play with." John said with a smile before he frowned, "Now pick." he growled out again.

"No." Sam whispered as he tried to pull away.

"If you don't I'll use both…" John declared with a hint of a smile as he waited.

Sam closed his eyes and prayed that his family would show up soon and then opened his eyes again as he sighed out, "Left."

John smiled as he lay the lighter down on the table and opened the pocket knife as he came to stand in front of Sam.

Sam couldn't help it, he whimpered.

John laughed as he asked, "You sure you don't want some morphine before we start to play?" He glanced over his shoulder at the table. Turning back around he focused on Sam.

Sam shook his head no. _He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to…_ he screamed as the knife dug into his wrist and sliced a large but not deep gash just above the rope wrapped tightly around his wrist.

"Oh, Sammy boy, I've only just begun. We have all day ahead of us." John laughed evilly as he raised up Sam's shirt, "how about a game of tic tac toe?" he asked cutting his eyes up to stare at Sam, a slow grin appearing as he watched the fear morph into terror at Sam's contemplating what was coming. Sometimes that was more fun than what he actually ended up doing.

Sam shook his head no as he felt the blood tickle down his palm and across his fingers to drop onto the floor.

"No?" John asked, then shrugged as he ran the knife hard enough to cut the skin across his ribs but not hard enough to do much damage.

Sam grunted in pain but refused to cry out again.

He cut the button off Sam's shirt and left it hanging open as he watched the blood run down the front of Sam.

"You fucking perv." Sam hissed as he again channeled big brother as his fear morphed into pissed off. He wanted his brother and he wanted his dad and instead he had John. _Life really wasn't fair_.

John arched an eyebrow as he leaned in close to whisper, "Want to know what I learned in the Marines?"

"No." Sam replied moving back as far as his restraints would allow.

"Well. There are a lot of places that you can stab a person that will hurt like a bitch, bleed like a bastard but it won't kill you… not until the interrogation is over and we have what we need." John informed him, leaning closer as Sam back away.

"What do you want to know?" Sam gasped out.

"From you? Nothing. Just killin' time." John declared flippantly as he tossed the knife up and caught it by the blade tip. He turned and walked a couple feet away right before he turned back and flung it at Sam. As it embedded deep into Sam's thigh he screamed and his legs buckled causing another scream at the extreme pain in his arms and shoulders as his arms were yanked tight by the non giving ropes. He bowed his head and tried to control his breathing. He remembered back to the time he'd put his leg through a windshield when he and Dean had been running over the tops of the piles of cars. He put his leg up to the hip into a windshield and Dean had talked him through the pain.

He looked up at John with hate filled eyes as he told John, "Keep fucking up."

"What? _This_?" John asked as he touched the handle of the knife. "This won't do much, it's just a pocket knife after all. But." He grasped the handle and moved it just slightly.

Sam moaned as a tear slid down his cheek.

He yanked the knife out as he finished his sentence, "It will still hurt like a mother fucker."

Sam was panting trying to just breathe when he looked at John and told him, "I hate you."

John put a hand to his chest as he told him, "That hurt."

He tossed the knife at the table as he came over and squeezed the wrist with the cut on it, "You will beg me to stop the pain before it's over."

Sam clamped his mouth into a tight line and shook his head no.

John shrugged as he reached out and slugged the knife wound in Sam's thigh.

Sam cried out as he saw flashes of bright spots not unlike when someone shines a light into your eyes and then you blink and still see it for a few seconds.

"You ready to feel better?" John asked syringe in hand, not waiting for an answer he jabbed it into Sam's arm and sunk the plunger.

Sam moaned as he struggled to stand only to give up as the wave of morphine flooded his senses and darkness swiftly took over.

**TBC**

**TiNYnOtE: **Don't know, how fast morphine works, but when they put me on major pain meds after my C-section it worked pretty fast... so I am trusting what I'm reading on the medical sites. ~iamtryN


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: Not mine… yeah, I know, right… **It is **a damn shame… ;)

**NOTE#1**: I'm so sorry for the late post! I got the Iowa flu for Christmas and it shows no mercy, just ask my son who passed out in the bathroom last night… Shhhh… he probably wouldn't appreciate me telling… Sooooooooo, anyway, **Thanks SO MUCH for the reviews, favs and alerts!** Oh, and my computer is having wonky issues and I am trying to get a new one… cross… well, everything! HuGGs! Enjoy!

**NOTE#2: **My computer should be drop kicked and shot with rock salt! Ugh! Wonky shit! UGH! Borrowed my hubby's and am trying again to post... wish me luck! Smiles! Once again, enjoy and hopefully it's for real this time!

Chapter 10

"Dean." Bobby said his oldest name with no small hint of worry as he watched him.

Dull eyes looked his dad's way but he said nothing.

"You need to eat." Bobby urged him gently.

"Not hungry." Dean replied emotionlessly not bother to look at his dad.

"_Dean_." Bobby said once again.

"Goddamit dad! I'm not fuckin' hungry!" He screamed as he stood up from the booth and racked everything off the table onto the floor and stormed out.

Bobby looked apologetically towards the sheriff who was having lunch with them. He chose to ignore the dead silence of the diner and the stares of the other patrons. They had no idea what his son was dealing with and he didn't feel it was their business so he offered them nothing. Sheriff Jackson on the other hand had drove up from Sioux Falls to meet them at the diner across from the motel they had holed up in. It was in the last place he had known that John had been sited.

"Go, Bobby. I'll take care of this." Jackson told him gently.

"Thanks Jonas and thanks for the update." Bobby said hurriedly even as he stood to follow his son.

He nodded and sighed as Bobby took off after his oldest.

Dean was running and he didn't stop, he ran until he got to a creek where he collapsed and lost control of his emotions and sobbed brokenly. He tried to be strong but it had been over a week and now the sheriff was suggesting they come home. Translation as far as Dean was concerned, give up on ever finding his little brother. _Well, he'd rather die_!

He startled when a hand rested on his back and tried to scramble away.

"Whoa, son. It's just me." Bobby told him soothingly from his place next to him.

"I'm not doin' it dad. _I'm not givin' up on my brother_." Dean snapped as he rubbed his sleeve across his face, rubbing at his eyes as he sat up and turned to face his father.

"Is that what that was back in the diner?" Bobby asked even though he knew the answer.

Dean glared silently at his dad, watching his face cloud over with misery.

Dean shook his head as he growled, "_Then go home_." he snapped, "Leave me a gun and I'll take care of it myself."

"No, Dean." Bobby leaned forward and rested his arm across his own knee as he told him, "I'm worried if you fall ill from not eating and sleeping that we will have to put the search on hold and I know that will kill you… _you_ would feel so guilty…"

Dean paled even more because that had not even crossed his mind… _until now_, he amended.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to add to your worry. I'm just afraid that he's not eating or sleeping. It makes me feel so guilty taking the time for those things that the thought of food makes me sick." Dean finally admitted in a hushed tone.

"I know, D but if we don't take the time, we won't be in any shape to save Sammy. He needs us strong and healthy." Bobby said gently.

"I can try to eat…" Dean bit his lip as he whispered, "But sleeping." he shook his head, _no that wasn't working for him_.

Bobby nodded in understanding as he asked, "Nightmares?" He knew Dean had them for weeks after something happened to Sam. Even things like the broken ankle or Sam putting his foot through the windshield or the getting lost at the park when Sam was 6 and a half.

Dean nodded as he turned pink, standing he whispered as he stared at the water bubbling in the creek, "I don't know how much more he can take before he gives up hope of us coming to get him." He then turned and stared at Bobby.

Bobby clamored to his feet and grabbed his oldest in a hug.

Dean stood stiff and unmoving for several minutes before he let himself sag into his father's embrace.

It was wearing his oldest down and he was terrified at what shape they might find their youngest in. What Jonas had told him when Dean had excused himself and went to the bathroom he couldn't tell him. So he shouldered that knowledge himself.

Jonas had video footage from a camera at a convenience store outside of a small town in Kansas, quite close to Lawrence. The footage showed Sam following meekly behind John, not trying to escape. But the worst part was the picture they had taken of Sam looking directly into the camera. His face was blank, no expression. He was scared to death of what that meant for his boy.

He sucked in a deep breath. "We need to pack up."

Dean looked up and stepped back, "Why?"

"Sam was seen in a convenience store outside of Lawrence." Bobby said quickly.

Dean trembled as he asked, "Kansas?"

"Yes. They think they're closing in, that maybe John is not moving so much anymore. They think he's headed for Lawrence." Bobby told him softly.

Dean tilted his head to the side as he watched his Dad. After a few minutes of silence Dean turned and started to walk away.

Bobby reached out and snagged Dean's arm turning him to face him.

Stopping Dean looked at the hand on his arm first then followed it up to stare at his Dad before he sighed and said, his voice shaking slightly, "So, what _aren't _you telling me?"

"Son, I tell you everything." Bobby managed to lie without even a flinch.

"U-huh." Dean said with a frown before he snapped, "Not now. So, again… _what aren't you telling me_?"

Bobby sighed as he bit his lower lip as he decided just "_what_" he would tell his oldest. He did need him to be prepared for whatever shape Sam…

"Well?" Dean snapped, stopping all thought in Bobby's head as he looked Dean in the eye and spilled his old guts.

"They have video surveillance of Sam walking around in a the store following John." Bobby geysered out.

Dean jerked his head as if to clear it, like he couldn't have just heard what he thought he heard, "They saw my little brother… _I want to see it_!" Dean demanded, jerking his arm away from Bobby.

"They are afraid it will be too traumatic for us." Bobby told him, "But let's load up."

"Where was he spotted? Did he look okay?" Dean asked as they walked towards the motel.

"Kanwaka, Kansas. It's near Lawrence and a place called Clinton Lake." Bobby said as they reached the motel.

"How did he look Dad?" Dean asked again.

"Dean." Bobby sighed out. He really wanted the conversation to stop right the hell there.

"He'll be alright. Once he's back with us." Bobby told him quietly.

Dean let it go for the moment, he didn't know if his heart could take anymore at the moment anyway. His brother was alive and they were going to get him back. _The rest_… he paused in his thoughts as he waited for his dad to open the motel door. _The rest they'd deal with together… all three of them_.

**TBC**

**TINyNoTe:** Kanwaka and Clinton Lake are real places near Lawrence, I looked them up on google map. So if it's not real... well google lied and I lied by association... Shrugs ~Crissi


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the wonderful world of our boys so I don't own them… But if I did then I wouldn't have a reason for sandbox raiding… (holding one in each hand like I'm weighing them…) hummmmm… smiles…

**NOTE#1**: Thanks so much for your patience while I went without my computer. My hubby has built me a new one! I love that geek! So, the recent reviews I haven't answered yet, I appreciate and love just as much as the others! I promise I do and will answer after I go take care of my upset mominlaw. Told her I HAVE to post this first! I adore all my FFF and the time they take to read and review! SO, here ya go, enjoy!

Chapter 11

"You know they ain't comin' for you." John stated with a hint of laughter in his voice. In truth he was counting on them doing just that... _coming_. He'd even slowed down and was now in one place… _waiting for the dumb asses to catch up_.

Sam looked straight ahead, pretending he didn't hear John. _I'm not going to listen to this… they are looking_, he told himself silently.

John stepped across the room and raised a hand to backhand him across the face causing Sam to flinch but he said nothing to the evil bastard.

John lowered his hand and smirked at Sam as he told, "So you want to play the silent game?" John asked as he shrugged he told him, "Okay… let's do that then."

Sam couldn't help it, it turned frightened eyes toward John. He really _really_ didn't want to play _any_ games with the monster. He knew better than to run. _Again_. Not only did he get beat to fuck, he'd also received an overdose of morphine that had nearly killed him. Puking your guts up with broken ribs and feeling so strung out that he could barely move… _sucked_. He decided to let himself die and had basically given up when John had shown up and saved him. He really didn't understand what John wanted. He thought being dead would make John happy, but it only seemed to piss him off. Then he told him in great detail what he would do to Dean the next time he knocked him out. He spent several days terrified his family was dead until he saw Dean and Dad on the news. _Still looking_. So he sat rigid and let him do whatever he had in mind this time. He concentrated on Dean and Bobby, his dad… not this monster. He remembered Dean throwing back his head and laughing at a corny joke Sam had uttered. His dad smiling as he watched the boys wrestling in the front yard… and with those memories he slipped somewhere John couldn't reach.

After thirty minutes John was unhappy that Sam wasn't responding. He was getting bored waiting on the great Singers to find him. What did he need to do? Plaster a neon sign on the kids' ass pointing to where he was? He ran a hand gently up and down Sam's arm, he watched him shudder in response and grinned. So he decided to made a second trip into town. This time he actually went into Lawrence and stopped by the old shop and talked with his old business partner while Sam sat stiffly in the passenger seat. An hour later he headed back to his hideout. He snickered at the thought of what would happen when the Singers actually showed up to save their precious youngest.

Beating on the kid was getting old. He barely responded anymore to the cuts and burns. He'd upped the morphine dosage when Sam no longer reacted immediately to it. One time he gave the kid so much he thought he'd killed him.

Unknown to Sam he'd been recording everything, he was really glad he'd left the recorder taping that time when he had left him alone in the cabin. That one episode alone would break Dean… _the shit_. He deserved it for not giving him a chance. Not coming with him.

It was labeled and set in a box on the table for Dean to find along with all the others. The torture he imaged Dean would go through just watching them was enough to make him cackle out loud.

He laughed even harder when he saw Sam jump when he started laughing. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, _Hot damn, let the fun begin _and he advanced on a drugged Sam. It was a small dose, compared to what he gave him at night to keep him in check… keep him messed up but not unconscious during the day. It didn't matter anymore. At first he'd drugged him after the beatings. But when he no longer responded to the pain, he kept him drugged. That way he didn't have to worry about him getting away until he was done playing. The Singers would be lucky if he even recognized them when they found him.

He began to find new ways to torture Sammy. He was keeping himself entertained as he waited for the cavalry. After a particularly satisfying session (recorded of course) he sat down and kicked back his feet tilting the chair back, rocking gently as he gloated, "Sammy boy, now that was fun, huh?" He asked as he laced his bloody hands on top of his head.

Sam felt the rage simmer through him as he wondered if he'd ever get the chance to kill the bastard. He bit out, "My brother is going to rip you apart."

"Huh… interesting that it's Dean you keep threatening me with." John commented with a smirk.

"He's coming." Sam snapped.

John laughed as he asked, "It's been what? Two weeks?"

"Go to hell." Sam told him stubbornly.

"Been there done that. Nothing like seeing the woman you love burn to death in front of you to change your definition of hell." John snarled as he dropped his feet to the floor and stood.

Sammy flinched as he watched John's movement but got distracted by the syringe in John's hand. He licked his lips as he tried to not think about finally getting away from John if only in a drug induced freedom. It was still freedom with no pain. John stopped short of sinking the plunger and waited.

Sam looked up surprised. This was something new. _What was John playing now_? He wondered in his head.

John laughed and removed the syringe without emptying it in his arm. "Tell me something Sammy boy?" he asked.

Sam started shaking, all he wanted was him to give him the damn morphine so he would fade to nothing. _Be nothing_.

He snapped his fingers in front of Sammy's face.

Sam finally took his eyes off the syringe and looked at John.

"You want this?" John waved the syringe back and forth, his smile growing as he watched Sam.

Sammy couldn't stop it, his eyes followed the movement of his freedom.

"Tell me Sammy boy? Do you want it?" John asked with a chuckle.

Sammy jerked his eyes up to stare at John as he paled he realized what John wanted him to do.

"I said Tell me _do you want it_?" John's voice lowered dangerously as he demanded an answer.

Sammy whimpered but said nothing. He moaned at the idea sinking into his brain of just what John wanted.

The smile disappeared as he growled at his son, "Tell me or I won't give you any."

Sammy felt tears sting his eyes. _What the hell had he become_? He knew he was going to cave, there was never any question. _Not anymore_. He bowed his head in shame and let the tears come as he whispered, "I want it."

John snaked his head forward as he asked, "What? Can't hear you."

Sammy sobbed as he looked up, his tears still raining down his cheeks.

John raised an eyebrow.

"Don't make me, please!" Sam begged brokenly.

"Sammy boy." John said in a low voice, his tone clear on the unstated threat.

Sammy shivered in fear as he said a little louder, "I want it."

John smiled widely as he told him, "I'll give a slightly bigger dose than usual in celebration, we have made a breakthrough."

He glanced over at the video recorder blinking that it was recording. He smirked as he had made sure they'd had a clear view of Sammy during the whole thing.

Sammy started to shake in anticipation of his reprieve. Just a few more seconds. He couldn't help it. He raised his arm voluntarily to receive the shot of his own version of freedom.

John laughed _Oh yeah that was even better than he planned_. He stepped further to the side and quickly sunk the needle into his arm. The recorder got it all.

Sammy sighed as he felt it course through his veins, _Finally_ he thought as he fell onto his side and let the waves wash over him. He closed his eyes only to have John shake him until he opened them again, "Dean's here… he's going to see how easy you gave up. You're hooked now boy." He whispered.

Sammy knew he was lying because he always said shit like that… so he ignored him and sighed again that it was almost over for the night. He could feel himself sink into blissful nothingness, "_finally_…" he mumbled. He was almost totally there when he heard gunshots, thumping and swearing and then he felt himself being grabbed and someone screaming, "Sammy!" and then nothing more.

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **The Winchesters are sad to say not mine… all I own is that plot bunny over there in the corner hiding under his lettuce… Hey, it's not my fault he chased me down and beamed me with a carrot_…_ he really should have ran before I got up and tackled him… Now, he's all mine… (Evil laugh)

**NOTE#1**: I know, I know (hangs head) I'm so totally evil! (looks up, eyes gleaming) Ya know the rules. You can break them as long as you can fix them… So don't kill me yet, please….. **On a different note**: I am behind in reviews… It **does not mean **I don't still adore them! It does however mean that my life has taken over my writing world and beat me down… I'm trying to do a last request from my gma and it's consuming my life at the moment. So, lovely FFF please be patient with me and I will eventually get caught up and answer everyone that has been kind enough to read and review.

Chapter 12

They had finally tracked the son of a bitch down! Bobby and Dean both felt they were walking into a trap. They got the information where John was holed up from his old business partner at the shop in Lawrence. The man told them that John said when Dean came looking to tell him where he was and just like that they were headed for a cabin on Clinton Lake.

They found the impala outside the cabin, exactly where the guy said it would be. There was no question it was a trap and there was also no question they were going in. They snuck up to the front door and Dean didn't even hesitate to kick it in.

Dean instantly searched out his missing baby brother as he charged through the shattered debris remaining of the door and frame. Seeing him currently not moving on the filthy bed across the room only caused his heart to triple time it. The next several minutes was spent fighting John as he tried to get past him to Sam. John went at Dean with a knife and Bobby shot him square in the chest. Dean didn't even look at John as he scrambled towards his little brother. _How could he not hear all the chaos around him_?

He stumbled over to his little brother as he cried out, "Sammy!" he threw himself down next to him and pulled his unresponsive brother to him. Hugging him close he whispered, "Sammy?' as he planted a kiss to the top of his head. After holding him tightly a few seconds he lay him down into his lap so he could look him over. He looked asleep, but he wasn't waking up, which meant Dean's panic level was at his highest ever.

"Dad!" Dean yelled in his panic as he hands traveled over the cuts and bruises on his little brothers' face. He knew immediately that Sam had lost weight. He ran his hands over Sam trying to check him for injuries. He felt bandages on one of Sam's arms and tugged at his sleeve to pull it up so he could look at it. _What the hell were all the marks on his arm_? He yanked up his other sleeve and found matching track marks. "Son of a Bitch!" Dean snarled instantly wanting to shoot John all over again.

Bobby materialized by his sons' sides as he asked, "What Dean? What's wrong with him?" Bobby wanted to grab Sammy and check him over himself but he knew his oldest needed the contact with his younger sibling at the moment. So he bid his time.

"He's been giving him drugs." Dean looked up at his dad with such a stricken expression as he half sobbed, "Lots of them from the marks on him." To himself his mantra became, _I will not freak, I will not freak_.

Bobby nodded as he told Dean, "Hold him for a minute." and searched for the drugs, they needed to know what he had in his system. He found the morphine containers and pocketed everything. Then he saw a box full of video tapes. Spotting the recorder he threw it in with it.

He returned to his boys carrying the box, "Let's get him out of here and to the hospital."

Dean stood lifting Sammy has he stood he carried him out side, stepping away from John's body as he heading for the door of the cabin. He resisted the urge to kick him while he was down as he sidled past the unmoving body on the floor. Within minutes they had left the cabin far behind them with Bobby driving, box beside him and his boys in the backseat. Bobby could hear Dean whispering to his little brother in the back but couldn't make out what was being said.

"Dad?" Dean called out ten minutes later from the backseat.

"Yeah, son?" Bobby responded as he glanced in the rearview mirror to watch his oldest.

"Why did you pass that hospital sign?" Dean asked, the anxious tone evident in his voice.

"I was thinking the media will be all over this, he wouldn't deal well with the whole world knowing his business. I'll call the sheriff when we get to Michaels'." Bobby said watching his son.

"Michael's?" Dean was trying to rack his brain for a face to go with the name but drew a blank.

"Yeah, an old friend, a doc in the business. I just want him to check him over and then we'll head home. He's not too far from here."

Dean nodded looking down at his still silent brother in his arms. The tears came without notice as he berated himself for not getting to him sooner. _This was his fault, if he hadn't hesitated and had killed his father before he knocked him out Sammy would be okay now_.

"Dean, don't son. This isn't your fault." Bobby said, still watching his son from the rearview mirror.

"I wasn't…" Dean started only to be interrupted by his dad.

"Bullshit son. It's written all over your face." Bobby informed him gently.

"Dad if only I had…" Dean began to voice his thoughts aloud as he glanced down at his Sammy.

Again Bobby stopped him by saying, "Son, we can both go insane with the '_if onlys_.' Let's just focus on now. Deal?"

Dean looked down at Sam and pushed his hair away so he could see his eyes. Still closed. _Yeah, he could focus on his little brother and heaven help any fucker that made a move on him! _After a couple minutes his eyes smoldered as he thought about revenge he finally asked, "Are we almost there?"

"Two minutes, tops." Bobby said as he leaned a little harder on the gas peddle.

Squalling tires into the driveway of a house caused Dean to turn pissed eyes Bobby's way, "I thought you said he was a doctor?" _This was someone's house_… Dean was so angry and thought of a few choice words to express it.

"He is. But he is a private practice doc… _for hunters_." Bobby clarified as he slammed the car into park and jumping out he flung his seat forward and gave Dean the classic gimme gesture.

"I got him." Dean informed him as he shook his head no.

"Son, you can take him back after you get out." Bobby tried to reason with his son, he was actually starting to wonder if Dean would go into shock from the trauma.

Dean narrowed his eyes as he studied Bobby, as if trying to decide if he was being honest with him. Finally he gave a slight nod and handed his little brother over.

A voice yelled, "Bobby Singer as I live and breathe… How the hell are…" The voice paused before continuing, "Shit, _I should have known_." A guy was scrambling off the porch to reach them.

Dean lunged from the car and practically yanked his little brother from his dad. Turning slightly he half hid Sammy from view.

Michael's smile had faded as he ran down the steps, racing over he thought silently, _Fuck. _Aloud he snapped, "I thought you said you were getting out of the business after you got the boys? What was it you said… _research only_?" The last part said in sarcasm_._

"Yeah, well, '_the business'_ came looking for us. Besides I'm surprised you hadn't heard, it was all over the news." Bobby growled as he looked worriedly at both his boys.

Michael shook his head before he told Bobby, "I don't own a TV and the radio's on the fritz. I ordered a new one."

_No TV or radio… fuckin' weirdo_… Dean thought in his head as his hold tightened on Sammy.

"Listen Mikey… love the chat but I really need you to look at my boys." Bobby said softly.

Michael made a move, reaching towards Sammy and Dean had a nine pointed between the guys eyes in a split second.

Bobby was shocked that Dean was able to stand there and hold Sam one handed and point an unwavering gun in the guys face. "Dean, give me that." He finally managed to get out.

"No… if I had done this the first time. Sammy'd be okay." Dean told him flatly.

"He going to help him." Bobby said gently taking a step closer.

"Yeah, but I kinda need my brains intact to do that." Michael said calmly holding his hands up in surrender.

"How do we know he's not working with him?" Dean asked never taking his eyes off Michael.

"Working with who?" Michael asked in a clearly confused tone.

"Dean." Bobby put his hand on his back and held it there.

Dean's shoulder muscles twitched but he remained in the same spot.

"He's not working with John." Bobby whispered softly.

"What? John…" Then it hit him and he spit out in surprise, "John Winchester?"

Dean's eyes hardened.

Michael added hastily, "I haven't seen John since right before you boys went to live with… um…"

"Our dad." Dean snapped.

Bobby reached over Dean's shoulder and placed his hand over Deans as he whispered, "Sammy needs help. He's not getting it standing in the driveway." Bobby felt it when Dean's arm started to go slack and he took the gun.

"I'm sorry." Dean said wearily as he looked down at Sammy. He hadn't been sleeping and his mind was more than a little foggy and now that Sammy was with him...

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaime**r: **Not mine**, not even a lost sock left in a motel room… _but_ there is always sandbox raids… _evil chuckle.._ (which still doesn't make them mine, but I can dream,_ then _return them to the Supernatural sandbox)

**NOTE#1**: This is not a Tuesday post, but it is a birthday post for a friend, Chessi! _**Hope you enjoy and have a great birthday!**_

**NOTE#2**: As many of you who have read my stories know I am not a medical student so I have no idea about proper procedure so I just write what works for me. I did though research morphine addiction, treatments and etc. One thing I found interesting… when I was researching treatments on one of the many medical sites… a little box popped up asking if I needed to talk to someone about my problem… Uh… no ;) Doubt they could help with my Winchester… uh, Singer addiction and I'm not sure I'm ready to admit it's a problem yet… not one I want cured anyway. **Seriously **though drug addiction is serious and sometimes is a lifetime struggle **that I HAVE NO INTENTION **of making fun of.

(Thanks for reviews, favs and alerts- _**adore them always**_) A request from my gma has kept me from answering reviews promptly (she is currently in hospice), so for that I am sorry (to qoute Dean) So, until I can properly thank each person I want to say thanks for all your support and awesome reviews!

Chapter 13

He hadn't meant to stagger on the steps or go to one knee but running on fumes tends to catch up when least expected, _looking to whammy you_… Hands reached for Sammy and he snarled, "Don't fucking touch him. Just tell me where and I will bring him."

Michael's hands froze as he stared at Bobby who just told him, "Let him do it."

Michael frowned and backed away, going instead to hold the door open for the obviously exhausted Singer oldest.

Bobby gently took Dean's elbow and pulled him to his feet.

Ten minutes later and Dean was once again pushing Michael away from his brother as he snapped, "I am not leaving him alone with you, you fucking perv."

"Dean." Bobby told him gently, "He is a doctor and he needs room to work on him."

"Oh," Dean snapped suddenly angry at the world, "So you're telling me there are no pervs that are docs… just like there's no um… _let's see_. No freakin' priests that are perverts."

"Dean Silas Singer." Bobby growled, exasperated.

"Dad come on… _you promised_." Dean whined, horrified at the use of his full name. When he got his new last name he got a new middle one. He mumbled, "Don't know why you couldn't have called me Robert and Sam Silas."

Sam softly moaned, the first sound he had made since they had found him.

Michael held up his hand to stop Dean from rushing to his little brother.

Dean glared but stepped back as he asked, "Why isn't he waking up?"

Michael had just pulled back the sleeves on Sam's shirt and saw the cuts and burns plus the track marks. His startled eyes searched out Bobby.

Bobby silently handed him an empty container of morphine.

Michael looked at it and then at Bobby before he told him, "Give me five minutes then I will talk with you. Just a quick look."

Bobby nodded as he pulled Dean from the room. Once outside the room he jerked free and turned furiously to face his dad.

"What the fuck dad?" Dean snapped. He was pushing it but couldn't seem to help it, the words just slipped out, "Since when do you take orders…"

"Boy, think before you say another word." Bobby told him with a barely contained snarl, then he looked sadly at Dean, "I know your worried, but Michael is a good doc, I promise he won't hurt him."

Dean silently nodded as he forced his tears back, not letting them fall.

Half an hour later and Dean was ready to climb the walls, his nervous fidgiting was about to drive Bobby crazy as he watched his son pace.

Michael finally came out into the hall and said, "Let's sit down shall we?" He motioned across the hall to a little alcove.

"No I _shall _not." snapped Dean, now that he had someone he could focus his anger on he glared at the doctor.

"Dean… act your damn age." Bobby growled as he sighed in tiredness laced with frustration.

Michael cleared his throat before he began the conversation by asking, "I assume you saw the track marks?"

Bobby nodded and Dean swallowed hard.

Michael sighed as he steepled his hands after sitting down.

Dean was sitting next to Bobby on a small couch. He leaned forward resting his arms loosely on his legs as he listened.

"Well, as you probably already know morphine is a highly addictive drug and it depends on the individual how long it takes before they become addicted with continued use." Michael stated before nervously clearing his throat.

Dean jumped up as he yelled, "My brother is not a damn drug…"

"Dean." Bobby warned quietly.

"I didn't say that. I said … _well_." He stopped and then taking a deep breath, began again, "I should say he is addicted but it looks far from by choice. We do have a few different treatment options we could go with." Michael stated honestly.

"You brought my brother to a fuckin' quack." Dean accused looking at Bobby, then turning back to Michael asked, "How do you know he's addicted? _Did he tell you_?"

"Dean Silas Singer. Sit down this instant and shut up a damn minute." Bobby snapped smacking at him with his hat.

Dean blinked and sat back down.

Michael gave Dean a smile before he told him gently, "It's more than obvious that boy in there put up quite a fight." He paused before getting to his point, "But I would like to start treatment as soon as possible."

Dean seemed to deflate instantly as he whispered, "He's going to be okay though, right?"

Michael looked at him and said softly, "He will need all three of us to get through this. Now the first option is to put him in a drug pro…"

"No." Both father and son answered together.

"Or there is a new program called Accelerated Neuro-Regulation (ANR) or the Waismann Method**, **it's just in it's infancy but I have been studying it and have the capability to do it here**. **How it works is by using non addicting intravenous medication. It basically speeds up the withdrawal process while I keep him sedated and in a few hours he will be past the withdrawal." Michael informed the quietly.

"You want to throw him into withdrawal?" Dean growled, deciding silently, _yeah this guy's crackers_.

"Putting it simply…" He paused and then continued, "yes. _But_ he will sleep through it. A lot less painful, _I promise you_." Michael finished softly, he understood their hesitancy but he was going to do this. It was the best way.

Dean looked down in defeat and then whispered, "Can I please stay with him?"

"Of course." Michael smiled reassuringly and stood.

Bobby was looking at Michael, "Mickey, can I use the phone? I need to do damage control." He needed to call the sheriff and tell him about the dead body and have him issue a statement that Sammy had been found and was spending some quiet time with family.

**TBC**

**NOTE#3- The advanced rapid drug detox treatment called Accelerated Neuro-Regulation (ANR) or the Waismann Method is a very real program that's been around for 10 years… didn't exactly fit my timeline so… I'm using it anyway and moving it's development date farther back. It's an intravenous treatment that causes the patient to sleep through withdrawal. They sedate the patient and it accelerates the withdrawal process and the patient sleeps through it and is back to normal in a few days compared to months in a rehab. Besides I felt poor Sammy had enough on his plate without having to go through withdrawal as well.**

**~Crissi~**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: Supernatural… (sigh) Once again I must say… they are not mine, not one tiny little hair on their fuzzy little heads. But _I do love the Sandbox_… looks around and whispers, _Raids._

**NOTE#1**: Making a surprise visit to see my oldest and the gbabies. Maybe my old doc about this forever ongoing migraine, ugh! Anyways, I want to say** Thanks** to all the well wishers… and **Thanks** for all the reviews, favs and alerts! I will answer when I get back all my lovely reviews I'm hoping to be waiting for me! _hint, hint... giggles... huggs!_

Chapter 14

An hour and half later had Dean's knee was bouncing so hard that the tune he made against the hospital bed was going to be ingrained in Bobby's head for eternity. Bobby had wanted to say something but he knew Dean was trying to calm down so he'd stayed silent and stared at his boys. _Yes, they were his_! He known the Winchester family since a broken little boy had hid behind his daddy's legs while a infant was held sleeping in his daddy's arms. He felt himself starting to shake as he remembered the John of then. Hell, even the John of when Dean was nine. Right before he walked out to not return until… he was distracted from the musings when Michael leaned in the door and told Bobby softly, "He should be waking up shortly. Can I interest you in a quick coffee?"

Bobby watched Dean who was focused only on Sam and nodded. Standing he let go of the hand that wasn't being held by Dean and told his oldest, "Dean. I'm getting a coffee, want anything?"

Dean said nothing.

Bobby told him as he watched him, "I'll bring you back a coffee."

Bobby knew that Michael wanted answers so he agreed to the coffee. Besides he needed to make sure that no one ever found out about them being there. So Bobby was more than a little shocked when Michael told him, "I need you to remain clam." holding his hands up in a surrender pose.

Bobby's blood ran cold as he asked in a deep voice, "Now, Michael… why would I need to do that? Unless of course you lied to me about seeing John recently."

"Uh… _no_." Bobby's eyebrows shot up in surprise when the man's voice actually squeaked on the word no before he gulped and continued, "I didn't lie." He visibly swallowed as he added, "I hadn't heard from him until he crawled in here a few minutes ago. My nurse is with him now."

Bobby visiably shook with rage as he snarled, "How the fuck did he crawl anywhere, let alone here?"

"He drove apparently." Michael told him honestly.

"Excuse me?" Bobby said in a low voice, taking a step closer to the doctor.

"He took a bullet square in the chest." Michael informed him.

"No shit, I put it there." Bobby snapped instantly pissed at the turn of events.

"Okay." He said with raised eyebrows and a paling face before he added, "He was saying something about fighting a possession…"

"He let himself get possessed?" Bobby snarled, _god_… his head ringing with the silent voice that snarled, he would not deal with this right now and his boys sure as hell couldn't.

"Well, Bobby I don't think anyone willing lets themselves get possessed." Michael snapped sarcastically. _Only he could get mixed up in this shit storm,_ his thoughts clanging out what his mouth wouldn't say aloud_._

"Where is the bastard?" Bobby growled, trying to step around Michael.

"Now, Bobby… I don't think that's such a good…" The doctor started to say while blocking Bobby's path.

"Ask me if I give a fuck what you think." Bobby demanded icily and then stated firmly, "As soon as Sammy's out of danger…" Bobby pulled his gun and checked the clip, slamming it back in its place he placed it back where he'd had it before he finished his sentence, "We're leaving."

"But Bobby…" Michael began to protest.

"Don't Michael. The welfare of my boys isn't up for debate." Bobby said as he cut off what Michael planned to say.

"Just don't kill him until you talk to him." Michael demanded with a resigned sigh. He didn't want to tell him about John at all but he knew if he saw that impala in the drive and he hadn't heard about it from him Bobby might loose his temper and _kill him_.

"Oh, I'll that the bastard talk…" Bobby stated darkly as he marched to the closed door on the other end of the hall.

Michael grabbed his arm, holding him back but not trying to move him as he told him, "Keep an open mind Bob."

Bobby jerked his arm free as he snapped, "Would you if it had been your boys?"

Michael knew the answer to that, John would already be dead. He said aloud, "I'll be with your kids."

"Michael." once Bobby had his full attention, he continued darkly, "Don't mention this to my boys."

Michael said softly, "Wouldn't dream of it. By the way I did the usual tests. He's not possessed now and I gave him one of those charms you gave me before you got out of the business."

Bobby gave a hard shove to the door to the room where John was, so hard in fact it slammed into the wall behind it.

The nurse gave a startled shriek before tumbling towards the door.

Bobby gave a slight grin as he called after her, "Yeah, a few minutes alone would be great." then he turned back to his prey.

"Bobby am I glad to see you…" His voice faded into nothing as Bobby fisted his shirt and was hauling John towards himself.

"You got two fucking seconds to explain to me how you let yourself get possessed! I mean that is what you're claiming is the reason is for what you've done." Bobby shoved him back as he let go.

He didn't give a shit about the pain that lanced across John's face.

"And how the fuck are you still even alive? I shot you point blank with a damn…" Bobby growled before John interrupted.

"I came to and I could hardly breathe. I was wearing a bullet proof vest. I don't know what is going on…but somehow I knew I was close to Lawrence so I came here." John shrugged with a look of confusion stamped on his face.

Bobby pursed his lips as he sighed. Then he told John, "You're telling me you remember nothing of what you did to us?"

John's breathing picked up but he shook his head no.

Bobby pulled up his shirt and showed John the stitches. The shock on his face was genuine as he stuttered out, "I did that?"

"I'm guessing yeah unless you have an evil twin you neglected to tell us about." He snarked as he let his shirt drop back into place.

"The boys… _tell me their okay_." He demanded, the panic was evident as he tried to sit up.

"Stay. You step foot in that room and _Dean_ _will kill you_." Bobby told him flatly.

"What?" John's head popped up to stare at Bobby. _If his son was willing to kill him on the spot… _"What the hell did I do to Sammy?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Which time? When you knocked his brother out cold in front of him? Or when you paraded him out past me looking gutted on the kitchen floor while you refused to let him call for help? Or when you drugged him until he became addicted?" Bobby was getting more pissed with each question posed.

John on the other hand was turning a nasty shade of green as he sank lower and lower against the bed.

"Or maybe it was when we finally caught up with you _you_ tried to kill Dean when all he was doing was trying to get to his unconscious little brother. Or maybe it was the cuts, burns or just beating him to fu…" Bobby went on mercilessly.

John put hands over his ears as he cried out, "I don't want to hear anymore."

"John… _possessed or not_. Don't show up on my property again or _I _will kill you." Bobby promised roughly. "_Do you understand me_?" Bobby demanded angrily.

John nodded tears streaming unchecked down his cheeks.

"John I made you a promise 10 years ago and even if it means killing you. _I won't break it_." Bobby stared solemnly at his old friend.

John let out a half sob as he said, "Yeah I knew I picked the right man for the job."

Bobby blinked rapidly before saying huskily, "John call me after the yellowed eyed bastard is dead." Walking to the door he turned and looked over his shoulder, "Maybe by then Dean will have worked past wanting to kill you. Right now he thinks your dead. When it's right I will talk to them about this conversation."

"Thank you Bobby." John said meekly, not looking at Bobby.

"Yep." He said as he walked out pulling the door shut behind him.

Walking into Sammy's room caused Dean to look up and ask, "Did you drink mine too?"

"What?" Bobby asked confused.

"My coffee? Didn't you say…" He smiled as he muttered, "Sorry old man, forgot your memory isn't what it used to be."

"Idgit." Bobby growled affectionately at his oldest as he walked closer just to be near his sons.

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: Not mine… sadly. But I did lasso their sandbox and it's now a few inches closer… smiles…

**NOTE#1: Thank you all for your support and awesomely totally cool reviews!** Thank you as well for the favs and alerts! I so appreciate the time you take to read and for those of you that do, review.

Chapter 15

"Seriously Dad, you okay?" Dean asked worriedly watching his father closely.

"I… um…" He paused as he cleared his throat and started to answer when Sammy moaned, moving a little.

Dean was instantly focused once again on his brother grabbing Sam by the hand, "Sammy…" He sighed out as a grin broke out, "boy did…"

No one was prepared for the reaction of Sammy's sitting straight up. Or of him shoving the doctor away and then grabbing the iv and ranking it out of his arm Or for him to grab Dean's knife from it's sheath as he bounded off the table. He held it out in front of him as he stared at them with fevered eyes not really focusing on any of them. He was backing into a corner and Dean was following around the bed. He kept his hands up in a I surrender pose as he began to talk softly, "Hey little brother…"

When Sam didn't act like he heard Dean he took a step closer.

Dean heard his dad tell him softly, "Slow and easy boy… don't startle him."

He nodded to let his dad know he heard him as he moved closer to Sam.

He got close enough to grab the knife if he needed to and far enough to lunge backward if he needed to do that. He tilted his head as he watched his little brother. He heard the doctor make a move toward them only to hear a stern _wait_ come from his dad. Confident his dad had his back he concentrated on Sammy.

"Sammy… Bro." He said in a soothing tone as he took a step closer before he told him, "I've been so worried. Please talk to me…"

Sammy jerked at the sound of Dean's voice but backed further into the corner.

"I promise you dude, no one will hurt you again." Dean quietly told his unresponsive brother.

Sammy looked him straight in the eye and said, "You can't promise me that."

Dean jerked in surprise before he told him, "The hell I can't."

Sammy snorted before he looked down at the knife he held with a look of surprise like he wasn't sure where it came from, a blink later it was against his wrist.

"Sammy!" Dean gasp as he yo-yoed forward only to step back. He tried to breathe as he asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm done, man… I… I…" Sammy stumbled through his words but stopped as he seemed confused and rubbed at his head with the back of his fist that held the knife.

Dean shivered in fear as he took a step closer.

The knife went instantly back to wrist.

Dean stopped immediately.

"Okay little brother. We do it your way." Dean said after a few seconds of watching his little brother.

Sammy looked confused again as Dean held his wrist out placing it next to Sams.

Bobby couldn't help it when a panicked "_Dean._" came out.

Dean waved him off with the hand that was behind his back as he whispered, "_got this_."

"If you plan on doing this. You have to cut mine first. I'm the oldest." Dean told him bluntly.

Sammy pulled the knife back against his chest as he hissed, "No."

Dean held out his hand in a gimme gesture, not unlike the one his dad had used before on him.

"No." Sammy told him, "You…" He stuttered out as he rubbed at his forehead again, "you don't understand."

"Then make me." Dean told him as he again reached for the knife.

Sammy jerked his head up to look at Dean.

The look in his eyes almost stopped Dean cold. He looked so broken that Dean grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Knife forgotten between them. He rubbed the back of Sammy's head as he murmured, "_Ah, Sammy_... I gotcha little brother." After a few seconds he one handed took the knife and held it behind him, knowing his Dad was there to take it.

A few seconds later and Sammy asked into Dean's shirt, "What took you so long? I…" He shuddered and Dean pulled him closer, a few seconds after that he continued, "I was tired, D." He fisted a handed into Dean's shirt hem and held on as he said, "Couldn't…" a shudder went through him and he went silent.

"Couldn't what…" He questioned and then waited. When he got no reply he asked, "Sammy?" Dean pulled back and used one hand to pull Sam's chin up to look at him, "Sammy?" he repeated.

Sammy kept his eyes closed as he thought silently, _I can't tell them what I did. _The scene played over again in his mind_, him holding his arm up, wanting that shot so badly._

"You can tell me anything, remember? No secrets?" Dean asked softly, getting worried at the continued silence.

Sammy tried to shake his head no, a tear slipping past his closed lids.

Dean used his thumb to catch and erase the wayward tear.

A shudder went through Sam again and Dean told him, "Let's let the doc take a look at you, k?"

Sam's eyes popped open as he frantically shook his head no. "I just wanta go home, D… _please_."

Bobby came up and looked over Sammy's shoulder to let Dean know he was taking over.

Dean gave a sad flash of a smile before taking a step back.

Bobby placed his hands on his son's shoulders as he told him at the same time, "Come here son. It's my turn."

Sam stiffened for a couple of seconds before he turned and buried his face in his dad's shoulder.

Bobby rubbed Sammy's back as he told him, "It's okay, I gotcha son."

"Dad, I tried…" Sammy began brokenly.

"I know, son. It's okay." Bobby tried again to comfort him.

Sammy tried to pull away. They _couldn't_ say it was okay. They didn't know what he'd been through, _what he'd done_. They would be mad… he couldn't handle them mad at him, not right now. Everything was so jumbled in his head and he couldn't _think. He just wanted it to stop._ Then _and _now.

"Sammy son. We can't go home until the doc takes a look a you." Bobby told him softly. Bobby felt his son stiffen in his arms.

"Okay." Sammy agreed pulling away from his father before he added, "Alone." Of course it was the last thing he wanted… to be alone with a stranger. _But_, he thought as another shiver passed over him, _it was better than the alternative_. Them seeing his… _marks_. Mental or physical.

"What? NO. Sammy." Dean was shocked as he brain shouted, _they just got him back _and he wanted them to leave him with a stranger. Not only no but _HELL NO_!

Bobby silently studied his youngest son. _He knew him_, there was something he wasn't ready for them to see. Bobby nodded in agreement, he could bide his time. With his two sons that was one thing he had learned, _pick your battles_. It assures your victory.

Dean flipped out as he growled at his dad, "No. I just found him." before turning to Sammy. "Sammy… I…" Then he looked into Sam's eyes and caved. _Damn_ puppy dog eyes anyway. He clamped his mouth shut as he wished they had an immunization shot against the damn things. He had yet to _not _cave when they were turned on him.

Sammy sighed at the look on Dean's face knowing at the exact moment he'd won… when Dean clamped his mouth shut and bit his lip in an effort not to argue anymore.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **I go to sleep and they're mine… but then… **I wake up! **And reality sets back in. Dang it! (_NOT MINE_) I can sound like one of those pelicans from FN~~~ _MIne, mine, mine, MIne, mine, mine_ in the annoying see song thing they do... if only... it would make a difference... maybe if I did it continuously for days it would break them down and they would sign them over... (taps chin) Yeah, I didn't think it'd work either. (sticks out tongue)

**NOTE#1**: Thank you for all the reviews for this story and all the others. I have noticed that updates for this story are not showing up on the new/updated stories list. And it wouldn't let me answer my last reviews. I will try again today… Thank you for the favs and alerts as well! Huggs and Chocolate! I'm trying the Professor X mind thing... or is that the evil girl Emma that projects things like that... um... Enjoy! PS~ If I haven't answered a review that was given to me I sincerely apologize and want to thank you right NOW for taking the time to read and to go one step extra to review... you can always pm me and I will answer as soon as I can! **And thanks again so much everyone, whether you are a Reader, R&Rer, Faver or Alerter, THANK YOU!**

Chapter 16

Sammy waited until the door closed before he turned to the doctor and snapped, "Don't fucking touch me."

Michael raised his eyebrow as he told him bluntly, "I'm not releasing you until I make sure nothing is broken."

"I got a couple cracked ribs maybe, but he stitched all the bad cuts. Don't worry I didn't feel any pain because I was on a constant morphine high." Sammy spat out angrily. He didn't know why he was so angry. Just that he woke up mad at the world and with the determination that no one was going to fuck with him every again. If it took turning into the meanest mother fucker on the planet, then well bring it on! _He could do that. Not a problem_.

Michael watched Sammy worriedly as he sighed. He really needed the kid to stay awhile and work through some of his anger. "Ya know, Sammy my wife…"

"Look, mister I don't know you from Jack. So why don't you do us both a favor and just…" Sammy stopped his tirade as he ran a hand over his face. He looked up as a tear slid down his cheek, "Look I'm sorry I _just_ want to go home. _I want to be with my family_. I've been…" Again he stopped looked at his feet before he looked back at Michael… "I thought they were dead. I never thought I'd ever get to see them…" Another sigh that broke full throttle into a sob, "_again_."

Michael told him choosing to not make Sam more uncomfortable by making a big deal out of his tears, "I know the ribs are cracked, I checked already. What _I need to know _is can you breathe in okay." The doctor stepped close and said, "I already redressed your leg and gave you a quick once over now I just need to check things that I needed a response from you for."

Sammy narrowed his eyes as he asked him, "Did my family see?"

"Sam, I really think…" Michael began only to have Sam interrupt him.

"I said did my family see." Sammy growled holding his hand up to keep him at bay.

"No, they were not in the room." Michael said with a frown as he studied Sam.

Sammy visibly relaxed as he dropped his hand to his lap.

Michael told him softly, "My name is Michael and I've known your dad a long time. Last time I saw you… you were five years old."

"_And what_? I'm suppose to trust you? A man I don't remember? _No_. Not gonna happen. The only people I trust is Dean and my Dad. Everyone is… _well_... They can go fuck themselves." Sam told him bluntly.

"Sammy… _I know_…" Michael sighed and restarted, "I know you're angry. _I get that_, but I promise I'm here to help."

Sammy snorted before he said, "What do you need from me so I can get the hell out of here?"

In under 10 minutes Michael opened the door and motioned for Dean and Bobby.

Michael suggested that Dean help Sammy get ready to leave while he chatted a few minutes with Bobby.

In under 30 minutes they were on the road headed home. Sammy had been surprised when Dean had crawled into the back seat with him. He started to smack him on the leg when Bobby snapped quickly, "Careful with his legs."

He startled Dean so much that he yanked his hand back and leaned slightly away from Sam.

Sam flinched at the reaction then hung his head in shame.

Dean gently put an arm around Sammy's shoulders as he pulled him close he told him, "I'm sorry little brother… _I didn't think_… I'm just happy that you're okay."

Sammy continued to stare at his lap as he let the tears come. He knew he was far from okay and that he was angry as hell but he couldn't say that… _not to them_. Not after all they had been through.

Dean gave him a little shake as he asked, "You okay?"

Bobby was driving but darting his eyes from the road to the rearview mirror to check on his boys.

Sammy laid his head on Dean's shoulder as he told him, "I'm just so tired, D."

"Well, I'm here now. You want to try to get some sleep?" Dean suggested gently.

"I'm not…" He interrupted himself with a yawn.

Dean chuckled as he told Sam, "Yeah, I can see that. Okay… well," he gave a shrug with the unused shoulder before he continued, "if you decide to I'm right here."

"D…" Sammy started then went silent as he bit his lip.

"What, Sammy?" Dean asked, trying to see his little brother's face.

Sammy shook his head into Dean's shoulder as he mumbled, "Nothing… it's nothing."

"Are you sure?" Dean asked worriedly still trying to _see_ his little brother.

Sammy sighed wearily as he said with a slight edgy tone, anger slipping through, "I said it was nothing."

"Okay, dude. _Jeez_…" Dean breathed out in a rush as he turned his head to look out the window, trying to be strong. He didn't want Sammy to see him break. It was bad enough for it to happen in front of Dad.

Sammy blinked back tears as he thought, _Shit he hadn't meant to hurt Dean_. "Sorry…" he whispered miserably.

"No big deal, little brother." He said as he squeezed his brother's shoulders whose response was to sink lower back into the seat and against Dean. A few minutes later he was asleep.

"Dad, what's wrong with his legs?" Dean asked, he had let his dad's comment earlier slide so Sam wouldn't get upset.

"Dean… You and I need to have a long talk. _But not now_." Bobby informed him grimly.

"When?" Dean demanded to know.

Bobby glanced at Sam in the mirror and Dean sighed out, "Okay fine… I can wait." As he sat back in a sulk.

Bobby thought back to what Michael had told him and chewed on his lower lip. The next several months were critical for them. Sam needed help emotionally that Michael didn't think they would be able to provide without the program. He knew Dean would disagree as well as Sam but he needed to think about where things would go from here. The best thing for all of them. Not the easiest or the least painful way but what was best… _right_.

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I was hoping for the Winchesters wrapped up in a little red bow…it being Valentine's Day and all… **but Nooooooooooooo… still not mine! **

**NOTE#1: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY YA'LL! And **as a Thank you for all the support for this story and all the others… no cliffy this week! _Huh… huh… smiles_?

Work for ya? Thanks for all the reviews, favs and alerts! I adore them!

Chapter 17

Dean spent the last several miles watching his brother twitch in his sleep, jerking so hard a few times he thought the kid had to have woken himself up only to find him still sound asleep. He couldn't begin to fathom the hell his little brother had been through all alone. Dean rubbed his face with his free hand and without even realizing he was even headed that way… fell asleep. His head leaned over and his cheek rested on Sammy head.

Sammy woke up sometime later to his brother's arm still wrapped tightly around him and his head resting on his. He managed a smile, that was the safe feeling… _his brother_.

Bobby spoke softly when he saw Sammy moving around, but it looked like Dean was still out. "How you doing son?"

"Good, dad." Sam said simply and he let a few seconds past before he said, "Dad?"

"Yeah?" He answered.

"He hasn't been sleeping has he?" Sam asked quietly.

"He was afraid to take the time." Bobby answered honestly.

"Did he eat?" Sam asked worried for his big brother that seemed smaller than he remembered.

"Son… maybe you should discuss with your brother." Bobby said trying to deflect the conversation.

"You know he won't tell me if he thinks it will make me feel guilty." Sam told him just as honestly.

"Why should you feel guilty? You didn't do anything wrong." Bobby told his youngest firmly.

At that point in the conversation he was glad he hadn't moved his head where his dad could see his face because he was sure his face repeated everything he was thinking. He knew if he'd had Dean's back that night, Dean wouldn't have been knocked out. He'd really screwed up in the little brother department. But he would make things right for Dean and their Dad. No matter what, _he was fixing this_. Now to figure out what all this jumbled mess in his head really meant.

Dean moaned in his sleep and moved his head back against the seat.

Sammy whipped around to stare at Dean.

Dean jumped and startled awake as he slung a hand out he called out, "Sammy!"

He blinked rapidly as his eyes ricocheted around the car, taking everything in in a few seconds. Realizing where he was he leaned back against the seat and grinned as his eyes landed on Sam. "Little brother." He sighed out in relief.

"_Big_ brother when I get you home, food and rest. It's what I order." Sammy told him as he stared intently at him.

Dean raised an eyebrow as he asked, "What _you order_? And just who do you think you are, bitch?"

"Listen, jerk I'm the one who's going to whoop your ass if you don't." Sam said smugly as he added out of the blue, "Coach Smalley says I'm as good as you at soccer." Yep, _fake that normalness cause God's knows your brain is frying extra crispy right now_… he thought to himself as he watched Dean smile and relax even more into the seat almost looking like he was melting into it. He smiled, give Dean two minutes and he'd be out for the count _at least for a little while_.

Bobby frowned he knew what Sammy was doing and normally so would Dean, but the kid was running on fumes, empty tanks all the way around. He watched Dean snake his arm back across Sam's shoulders and pull him up close.

Sammy grinned up at his Dad, a grin that didn't reach his eyes as he leaned into Dean's side and closed his eyes, pretending to go to sleep himself.

Bobby had to admit he was still worried. He should be basking in relief not feeling like something bad was heading his way that he hadn't figured out yet. He knew that he would have to tell Dean that John was alive and claiming possession. If he didn't and he ever saw John again Dean would kill both of them when he did find out. _So yep_, telling Dean but when? And just as quickly he wondered what would happen with Sammy if he found out. It made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he should pack up his boys and move somewhere that John would never think to look. But he knew that wouldn't solve anything… _not really_. Running from problems that only chased after you…

"Dad?" a sleepy Sammy brought him out of his musings.

"Yeah, son?" Bobby said, focusing on his youngest.

"Why are we just sitting in the driveway? Is it not safe to go in?" Sammy asked as he looked at the house with worried eyes.

"Oh…" Bobby looked around, _Damn _he muttered in his head, he hadn't even realized they'd made it home_. Auto pilot not good. _He gave a mirthless chuckle, "I guess I'm tired too buddy. What you say we drag Dean out of here and dog pile in you boy's room tonight?"

Sammy narrowed his eyes as he studied his dad. The dark circles and the new worry lines was all his doing. "I'm sorry, dad." he whispered.

"Sammy," He turned around to look at his son. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Sammy tilted his head as he asked in a whisper, "Not even being born?"

Bobby cleared his throat as he shook his head as if to clear before he began to speak slowly and deliberately as he tried to control his rage, "_Samuel… _I thank God every day that I have you two in my life… so that's the last thing you should be sorry for."

Sammy bowed his head as he mumbled, "It sure seemed like John hated me for being born."

"Yeah well John had a son of a bitch that…" Then he clamped his mouth shut as he finished silently, _was controlling his moves_.

"He wanted me to be sorry…" Sammy started only to be interrupted by Dean who sat up straight and looked Sammy in the eye as he told him, "Sammy, dad's right. You are guilt free my man. Your halo is still nice and shiny." He grinned as he tried to lighten the mood.

Sammy frowned at him as he grumbled, "Halo, my ass. _Horns maybe_…" _Yep_, he thought silently to himself, _he was so going to hell_… his hands started to shake and he shoved them into his hoodie, well _Dean's_ hoodie hoping no one had seen, but looking up into his brother's moss green eyes he knew that he hadn't moved fast enough.

"Sammy… you are a good kid. A hell of a lot better than I…" Dean started only to have Sammy interrupt him.

"Shut up D. That's bullshit. You are like the perfect son." Sammy said passionately.

Dean laughed at the comment and then said, "You know what? I talked to coach the other day after I dropped you off at practice and he says you are _just like me_. Except of course I'm better looking, but in the sports depart…"

Sammy interrupted him with a snort, "Coach says you're better looking than me?"

Dean turned pink as he lightly slugged Sammy on the arm as he muttered, "smartass bitch."

Sammy smiled as he thought, _Yeah, he could so bullshit his way through this_. Play the game… like he did when he first started playing sports and was scared of failing.

Dean grabbed him by the neck and pulled him close, foreheads almost touching as he told his brother, "I'll be here every step of the way…"

Sammy swallowed hard and then nodded.

"Boys I don't know about you, but I'm tired. Let's go in and get to bed." Bobby said as he cleared his throat.

Dean looked at Sammy and then grinned as he told his Dad, "Old man, why don't we just wait on the bags until in the morning since you're so tired."

"Don't get smart with me boy." Bobby growled but he was climbing out of the car and pulling the bucket seat forward as he smiled lovingly at his boys.

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **The Winchesters aren't mine… sadly… but I do love my Sandbox time! Thanks Kripke!

**NOTE#1: Thank ya'll so much for the reviews, favs and alerts! **I love them and I hope you continue to enjoy my tale of Winchester Woe. So here you go.

Chapter 18

They were silent as Bobby unlocked the front door and flipped on the hall light, he was trying to act like it was any other night. Like coming home from a away game after dark.

Dean felt the comfort of the handgun at the small of his back. He knew logically that John was dead… he knew he should feel something for the father he had been but all he could muster was a smoldering hatred for the harm he had inflicted on his little brother. His little brother who was currently, taking in shallow and increasing rapid breaths as he looked around the house.

Dean told Sam gently, "He can't hurt you ever again, Dad killed him." Being so focused on Sam Dean had missed his dad's step falter as he stiffened at the comment.

"Um, head on up and I will be up in a few." Bobby had turned to smile at them and frowned as both boys stared at him in horror. He tilted his head as he said softly, "It's okay, nothing's up there."

"No, _it's _down here." Dean said pushing Sammy behind him and reached for the gun at the small of his back.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Bobby asked as he held up his hands to try to calm his sons down.

Sammy from his position at Dean's back saw what his brother was reaching for and snatched it away from his brother and was pointing it over his shoulder.

"Hey!" Dean snapped looking at Sam then back Bobby's direction as he said gently, "Slow and easy… don't hit Dad." Dean knew without looking that Sammy was nodding okay just like he knew Sammy needed the closure he was about to get.

At Dean statement of '_don't hit Dad_' he knew who was behind him. He turned and took a couple of steps backward towards his boys. "How did you make it here before us?"

"I hurried." John said with a shrug.

"Dad killed you." Dean accused John.

"Apparently demons now wear bullet proof vests." John told them quietly.

"You're a demon?" Sam asked as the gun shook in his hand.

Dean stayed in front of Sam shielding him as much from view as he could.

"No… a _demon_ was riding me when I came here the last time." John said sadly.

"You really should have stayed gone." Dean stated flatly.

"I needed Sammy to know… I needed _you both to know _I don't feel that way." John said firmly looking from Dean to Sammy.

"What way?" Dean questioned, wanting more information on what happened when his little brother had been taken from him.

John looked guiltily at Sammy as he said, "He wanted you both to hate me."

"He succeeded." Dean stated flatly.

"Okay." John nodded as his expression took on a pinched look he continued, "I just need to say some things and then I'll go." John finished softly.

"No." Dean growled. "_You don't get that_. It's not your right to come in here after what you've done and try to talk your way out…"

"I'm not here for that. I deserve everything I get. But Sammy needs to know I never blamed him for your mom." John had said looking at Dean and then he looked at Sammy and when he had eye contact he told him, "_I don't _son. _None of it _is your fault."

"You said it was. You said I was evil… _you said_…" Sammy said from behind Dean his voice riddled with confusion.

"Stop Sammy, please. What he said…" Dean started only to stop as he turned to face Sammy he continued, "None of it means a damn thing. _You hear me_?"

Tears sprang into Sammy's eyes as he looked deep into his brother's eyes. His brother meant what he was saying.

Bobby was speaking harshly in too low a voice for the boys to make out what he was saying when they realized Bobby had John against the wall and the muzzle of his gun shoved into the underside of his jaw.

"I told you not to come here. You stupid son of a bitch." Bobby snarled his voice rising in anger.

"Excuse me? You knew he was alive? How?" Dean demanded, madder than hell. _His dad had betrayed them_? He grabbed Sammy's arm and yanked him past their dad and father and pushed him ahead of him up the stairs.

Sammy awkwardly handed Dean back the gun on the landing.

Dean ran a hand through his hair as he sucked on his lower lip he tried to clear his brain enough to think. "Okay," He finally said, pulling Sammy into the bedroom as he slammed and locked the door behind him. Stalking over to the closet he yanked the door open and rummaged around until he found two duffle bags and turning he tossed one at Sam.

Sammy caught it and then stared from it to Dean.

Dean frowned as he snapped, "What?" He walked past Sam and over to the dresser dropping his bag on it as he yanked open a drawer.

"Uh, D?" Sammy managed as he saw Dean pull out the gun check the clip and replace it at the small of his back.

Dean looked up to the mirror and stared at Sam's reflection.

"What are we doing D?" Sammy asked, suddenly it seemed like all the butterflies in the world had landed inside his stomach.

"What does it look like little brother? We're running away." Dean said and then he smiled.

The smile didn't reach his eyes Sam instantly noticed. "But…" Sammy said standing there as he repeated, "But… Dad…"

"Dad lied to us. Now pack." Dean went back to packing while Sammy stood watching him.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **Um… do I have to? _Oh, alright_… still not mine… (motions for you to come closer as whispers) The tunnel from my sandbox to the Win… the objective's sandbox is nearing completion… (wiggles eyebrows)

**NOTE#1**: I want to apologize for the late post, but Mommy duties came first today. Had X-Rays for both knees and specialist to see with the youngest. Okay, I also want to say thank you to all my readers, reviewers, fav-ers and alerters! Two thumbs way up, dudettes! Love ya'll! I will say sorry ahead of time for any mistakes... two day migraine so I've read this more than once and I think I have all the mistakes out of it...

Chapter 19

Dean resisted the urge to check on Sammy as he packed. He was so damn mad. His dad should have told him. _He didn't understand_, he saw his dad shoot John point blank in the chest. So when did his dad have a chance to see John? Then it dawned on him, in the clinic. "Son of a bitch!" Dean snapped out loud causing Sammy to jump.

Dean saw Sam jump and pale at the tone of voice Dean used. He turned and rushed over to Sam and pulled him into a hug. "Sammy, it'll be okay. I'll figure something out. We'll stay together. _Just me and you, kid_." Dean rubbed his back as he muttered, "Okay?"

Sammy leaned tiredly into his brother as he said, "D… can't we say goodbye to dad first?" He bit his lip before he said softly, "I missed you guys and I know you're mad… but..." He stopped and bit his lip again.

"But what?" Dean asked and waited for his little brother to gather his thoughts.

"When I was… _gone_… All I wanted was to come home." He pulled away and sat down on the edge of Dean's bed.

Dean studied Sam before he finally asked, "You want to stay?"

Sammy had tears running down his cheeks as he answered truthfully, "Yeah." at Dean's expression he added quickly before Dean could get the wrong idea, "But only if you stay too."

Dean smiled sadly at him before he told him, "I never thought dad would…"

"Dean we haven't talked to dad yet. He really didn't have a time where he could pull you aside and tell you without me hearing." Sammy told him softly.

"Sammy we don't keep…" Dean started to deny the keeping of things from him.

Sammy snorted as he told Dean bluntly, "You two have been '_protecting me_' for years, you think that's going to stop now? I think it will be worse because dad will be worried if I can handle whatever it is that comes up."

Dean smiled slowly as he mulled over what Sam had said. Then he told Sammy, "So, we give him a chance to explain and then we decide if we stay or go… _together_? Deal?"

"Sounds like a plan." Sammy said with a smile. _They wouldn't be running away tonight or anytime in the foreseeable future._

Five minutes later Dean went downstairs followed closely by Sam. It took them a few minutes to find their dad who was sitting on the front porch with a rifle across his lap and a bottle of Jim Beam in his hand.

"Dad." Dean said quietly as he stepped out the front door.

"_Dean_… Sam." Bobby answered and then took a swig of Beam.

"Uh." Dean bit his lip as he asked, "Is he gone?" At Bobby's nod yes he walked in front of his dad and turned to face him leaning back against the rail.

The three Singers silently waited for the other to say something. Finally Dean started to say something only to have Bobby ask, "How come you're still here?"

"What?" Dean asked floored by the question that had popped out of his Dad's mouth.

"What stopped you from leaving? I figured I'd have to chase you half way across the state to get a chance to explain." Bobby said seriously as he took other swig from his bottle.

Dean smiled as he told his dad honestly, "Sammy did."

Bobby glanced up at Sammy and whispered, "Thanks, son."

"Dad." Dean started only to stop and look down.

Bobby sighed as he started talking, "I shot him point blank in the chest. I thought he was dead. The doc… _now, wait a minute_…" He didn't need to look to know Dean instantly riled up again so he hurriedly continued, "John showed up after we did. Saying he'd been possessed. He was extremely upset and wanted to talk to you both. I told him no. I needed time to tell you Dean. _But Sammy_…" At that point in the conversation Bobby stopped and his oldest nodded that he understood.

Sammy walked to halfway between them and told them flatly, "You don't have to protect me anymore. There's nothing innocent left." and he turned and walked back into the house. Bobby dropped the bottle on the porch from numb fingers. He didn't bother to see where it landed or even if it broke as he stood handing off the rifle to Dean and followed Sammy in. He grabbed Sam at the stairs and turned him around. He took in the tear stained face and pulled him close, feeling his son's whole body shake as he told him, "We love you son, no matter what. You hear me? _Nothing will change that_."

Sammy pulled away backing up a couple of steps as he yelled at them, "_Quit saying that! You have no idea what I've done_! You can't give me a blanket absolution when you have no idea." He stopped backing up two more steps.

"Sammy we don't care. You did what you needed to to survive until we got there." Dean said stepping around his dad and onto the bottom step.

"But that's just it, D… _I was so tired_." Sammy looked at him and a tear slid down his cheek.

"_Little brother_…" Dean whispered as he stepped up another step.

"Sammy… you can tell us anything…" Bobby told him as he leaned against the stair railing.

Sam shook his head as he moved backward another step.

Dean followed up a step.

"He was right ya know." Sammy told them.

"Don't you remember he told you he…" Dean started but stopped at Sammy's head shaking no.

"He… I…" He stopped as he scrubbed hard at his mouth with his hand before he swirled around and raced up the remaining steps. Still holding his hand over his mouth he raced to the bathroom not bothering to stop and close the door as he slammed to his knees and threw up in the toilet. He almost bawled again when he felt Dean's hand at his back, rubbing small circles of comfort. He didn't deserve this… _kindness._ He didn't deserve his dad standing in the doorway watching, making sure they were okay.

Bobby had moved past them to get Sam a drink of water to rinse his mouth out with.

Sammy was ashamed and he felt himself start to shake as he took the cup and taking a sip started rinsing his mouth and spitting it out into the toilet he stood and flushed it. Not looking at anyone he slipped past Dean and headed to the bed room as he thought, _so tired_.

Dean watched Sammy until he hit the bedroom door and then turned as he snapped, " Spill it."

"He says he's going to go and get a anti possession tattoo and suggested we three get one too. He left the design. I'll have it verified to see if it's legit. He also suggested getting some wards up. I had some up. That's why I didn't consider him being possessed. I had some of my friends in the business come by and add some more. I'll also be adding more as I run across new ones. He says he won't come back until it's dead. He left you boys some things."

"I don't want anything from him." Dean snapped.

"Dean. I put the stuff in the impala. You can check it out when your ready."

"We don't have an impala." Dean stated flatly.

"He left it for you. Said it was for you boys. It's been in your name since you turned 18 I guess."

"Why would he do that?" Dean asked the confusion evident in his voice.

"I guess it was what he and your mom had planned as a graduation gift for you so he left it under a tarp in the garage next to the charger."

"I thought the charger was mine." Dean stated in an almost whine.

"Which ever one you want. Work it out with your brother. You each get one." Bobby said with a hint of a smile.

"I don't think Sam would want anything to do with that car." He ran a hand through his hair, "Hell, I don't know if I do. Not after what Sammy went through in it. It took him away from us… _ya know_?" Dean looked at his dad, pleading silently for him to understand.

"Okay, son. Tomorrow I'll move it out to the 29." Bobby told him.

The 29 was in the back corner of the property that had a garage that his dad stored his wife's stuff in. They never went out there and it stayed locked.

"Thanks Dad." Dean said as he turned and followed his little brother.

**TBC**

**NOTE#2: **okay, the drug treatment given by Michael took care of the physical need for the morphine but normally that is only part of the treatment they also deal with the psychological dependence associated with a drug addiction, in this case morphine at a drug rehab facility. Well, that is going to be taken care of by Sam's family. There are a variety of symptoms and will use some in his story. Without intervention, the syndrome will run it's course, and most of the physical symptoms will disappear within 7 to 10 days including psychological dependence.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** Never mine, _never ever_… oh, so sad! _Rivers of Tears (_add hiccup and sob for affect_)_… peeks through fingers… _not helping?_ (suits shakes heads to the negative) **dang it!**

**NOTE#1: **To all my wonderful readers, reviewers as well as my fav-ers and alerters: **Thank you so much** for your continued support! Air kisses!

Chapter 20

As they walked in they were surprised to find Sammy fast asleep on Dean's bed while Bobby sat down on Sam's unmade bed.

"Dad?" Dean said softly as he sat gently on the bed so he wouldn't wake Sammy.

"Yeah, son." Bobby responded picking up the pillows and piling them up in front of the headboard and leaning back, glancing over at his oldest.

"Sam." He glanced down at his little brother before looking back at his dad and finishing his sentence, "He's going to be okay, right?"

Bobby nodded as he told Dean, "We'll help him. But Dean the next few months, at the very least are going to be rough on him. Especially with you leaving for Palo Alto."

Dean cleared his throat as he said nervously, "About that…"

Bobby sat back up and placed his feet on the floor as he turned to face Dean.

"I'm not going." Dean blurted out, _this was not how he planned on telling him _he thought in a panic. His Dad was going to be pissed and he'd planned on easing him into the news a whole lot slower.

"Yeah." Bobby snapped angrily, "_Yeah you are_."

"No, I'm not. I called them already." Dean told his dad, the old adage _in for a penny in for a pound_, seeping into his brain.

"Well, call them back." Bobby ordered trying to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake Sammy.

"No." Dean said flatly folding his arms across his chest in defiance.

"Dean." Bobby replied in a warning tone as he leaned forward toward his son.

"Dad, I called them when he was missing. They saw the news. I got a years' extension on my scholarship." Dean told his dad the cliff's note version.

"Dean, 90% of kids that take a year off right out of high school end up never going back and yours being a sports…" Bobby tried to reason with his oldest.

"Dad." Dean interrupted before he continued, "I leave Sammy now and _I will _flunk out… at least waiting a year gives me a decent chance at doing well. There's no way in hell I could concentrate, not with this going on here. _Not with Sammy_… **no…** I'm not going." Dean stated firmly as he shook his head for emphasis.

"Dean." Bobby said as he shook his head knowing if roles were reversed he wouldn't go either. "Fine," he muttered. "But you will go next year." Bobby let himself smile as he added, "and you get to tell your brother you aren't going."

"Dad." Dean whined but he lay back with a smile. He was staying another year with his little brother and he could help him through anything he needed help with.

Bobby was surprised at how quickly the boys fell asleep. He had actually been worried that they wouldn't feel safe in their own home anymore. Truth was Bobby felt uncomfortable. He had one of his old hunting buddies come in and add some more protection symbols and clean up the mess in the kitchen as well as the bedroom but he was leery of letting down his guard again. John told him he was looking for a demon killing gun that he thought an old friend had. He then had handed him a knife and said it would also kill demons. John had made him promise to use it on _him_ if he ever came back and he was possessed. He'd made a lot of promises to John and he'd kept all of them. But he wouldn't kill him unless he was left with no choice. He lay back down thinking about what to do with their future.

He was awakened a few hours later to Dean trying to comfort his little brother. He sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed.

Starting to stand he stopped when he heard Dean whisper, "It's okay little brother. I'm here."

Sammy sobbed into his brother's shoulder as he mumbled.

Dean said as he rubbed his brothers back, "What?" he gently lifted his brother's head forcing Sammy to look at him. Looking into his eyes he repeated, "What?"

"I…" Sammy hiccupped as he tried to stop crying.

Bobby laid back and listened.

Dean rubbed Sammy's shoulder as he held onto his chin as he told him, "Sammy we love you no matter what. You know that right?"

"I know you love me." Sammy admitted before he added, "but I don't_… I can't_…"

"Sammy. I meant what I said… there is nothing you could do to ever make me turn my back on you." Dean told him gently.

"I had a dream once we went to heaven and you didn't like what you saw about me and when we came home you threw us away… said we were better off apart." Sam told him sniffling.

Dean threw back his head and laughed, then he sobered up as he told Sam, "Not going to happen. What would I do without my sidekick?"

"Hell, maybe you're the sidekick." Sammy said with a tiny grin.

Dean shrugged and grinned back as he agreed, "Maybe… _but _only yours. Now, what have you got rolling around in there that has you so upset?"

"It was just a bad dream, D." Sammy said as he put the brakes on his tears.

"But telling me about it makes it disappear, remember?" Dean prodded gently.

"Dude, that hasn't worked since I was eight." Sam told him frankly.

Dean put a hand to his chest and fell back in his _mortally wounded _pose before he sat up and said, "Why don't you try it anyway? Make _me_ feel better."

Sammy sighed before he decided just what to tell Dean, then he began softly, "I was begging him not to give me the drugs..." Sammy watched as blotches of maroon appeared on Dean's cheeks as he listened. He hesitated before he continued, "I… uh… " Sam looked away then he shrugged before he added, "I… he kept hurting me."

Dean's whole face turned maroon as he tried to control the anger at what his little brother had been through without him.

Sammy blurted out, "I'm sorry D."

"You didn't do anything wrong…" Dean managed to get out between his grinding teeth. _Damn he was pissed_.

"I should have fought harder… I kicked him and then he slugged me…" Sammy stopped and bowed his head in shame.

"Sammy. You hung on until we could find you. That's good enough." Dean reassured him.

Sammy paled and jerked away from Dean stumbling off the bed and away from Dean.

Dean sat a second or two staring at Sammy in surprise.

Sammy backed away until he was beside the door.

Dean stood and took a couple of steps towards Sam.

"Don't." Sammy snapped as he held his hand up.

Dean stopped instantly.

Bobby chose at that point to sit up and join the conversation that seemed to be spiraling out of control, "Boys?"

Sammy jumped and edged toward the door once again.

"You don't." Dean said as he took another step he asked, "What the hell, Sammy?"

Sammy struggled to keep his breathing normal as he told Dean, "You won't want me anymore if you know the truth... _I can't _tell you…"

"Where the hell did you get a dumbass idea like that? When I said nothing would change how we feel about you… _I meant it, _you hear me? _I meant every damn word_!" Dean growled as he lunged and grabbed at Sam.

Sammy turned to run only to have Dean grab him in a bear hug from behind as he yanked him back against his solid frame. Dean turned as he took two steps back into the room and slammed the door shut with his foot. He leaned back against it while he held onto his struggling brother.

Bobby walked over to them and said gently, "Maybe you can explain to us what you mean?"

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer**: I don't own them… I do like to borrow them. A LOT… smile, dudes.

**NOTE#1**: Thank you to all my readers, reviewers as well as my favers and alerters. I have learned I need my very own Sammy to guard my back when it's turned… snickers… (I typed it in wrong the first time and thought about leaving it… smickers… )Okay... okay... you caught me... I want my very own Sammy! Or Dean... Dean would work too. Or Heavens... **both**... both would be really... um... nice!

Seriously though, enjoy! And again Thank You!

**NOTE#2**: Going on 2 hours sleep for a 48 hour period so I'm going to do something I don't normally do. I'm going to post the chapter before I go to bed and then answer reviews when I get up… Just so you know I appreciate the time you spend and I will reply! Thanks again and on to the story! ;)

Chapter 21

Sammy frantically shook his head no as he fought to keep the tears at bay.

Bobby lay a hand on Sam's shoulder as he asked gently, "Is this about the way the drugs made you feel?"

Sammy jerked his shoulder out from under Bobby's hand as he yelled, "I fucking don't want to talk about it! _Fuck_, what don't you get about that?" He jerked away from Dean and dodged past Bobby. He ran over to the window and slammed it open, pushing the screen out as he stuck one leg through before Dean managed a strangled, "Sammy!"

Sammy instantly stopped all forward motion as he glanced over his shoulder at Bobby and Dean who were frozen in fear at what Sam was planning on doing.

"Dude, we're on the 2nd floor. Just slow down and talk to me. I swear on mom's grave, it won't change anything between us." Dean said earnestly as he held out a hand toward Sammy.

Sammy looked out the window as he let the tears come. _He was so tired_. He leaned his forehead onto the window and closed his eyes as he sat on the window sill.

"Please Sammy trust me and Dad. I know it's my fault for not protecting you, but please, little brother, don't shut me out." Dean begged as he watched Sammy closely.

Sammy jerked his head up and stared at Dean before stuttering, "It's… no..not your fault. I messed up."

Bobby looked at both of them as he told them, "It wasn't either of your faults. It was mine. I'm your dad, it's my job to keep you safe." Tears slid down his cheeks as he watched his boys so broken, each trying to claim the blame that was clearly his.

"Dad." Dean said softly, the protest clear in just the way he'd said his dad's name.

Bobby shook his head as he told them, "I'm sorry I let you both down."

Sammy sighed as he lay his head back against the side of the frame, "Dad… you have never let me down. Dean you either." He drew a hand up to rub at his head where a dull ache was forming. His hand shook, he stopped and stared at it. _Why was he shaking_? He quickly dropped his hand hoping Dean hadn't seen. He slowly looked up and realized his hope was for nothing, Dean was still watching him closely.

Dean cleared his throat as he held out a hand toward Sammy before saying gently, "Come back in and let's talk okay?"

"I don't want to talk." Sammy whined, he couldn't help it everything was closing in on him and it was way too much to try to sort out.

"Fine, we won't then." Dean said as he made the '_come on_' gesture with his hand.

"Promise?" Sammy asked looking every bit like his two year old self when he would use the sad _'puppy dog_' eyes to get Dean to cave.

Normally it worked instantly. Dean was certain his brother had perfected the technique long ago, because once again there was spontaneous cave-age. "Not until you're ready." Dean promised quietly.

Sammy gave him a grateful smile and pulled his leg back in and stood as he admitted, "I'm tired."

"Yeah, well me too until someone decided it would be a good idea to jump out our window. Woke me right the hell up." Dean snarked, trying to lighten the stress level in the room.

Sammy turned to look at Dean as he retorted, "Yeah, why did you do that?"

"Huh?" Dean mumbled as he stared at Sammy. _Exhaustion was definitely reeking havoc on his big brother skills_, Dean thought sluggishly.

Sammy let a tiny grin slip through.

"dork." Dean told him fondly.

"jerk." Sammy muttered as he let Dean pull him close, bumping shoulder to shoulder as he looked shyly at his dad.

Bobby looked at them as he decided to broach an idea he'd been thinking about for several hours while the boys were sleeping. "I been thinking… ya know with Dean leaving for school…"

"Dad, we fucking talked about that." Dean snapped cutting him off in mid-sentence, pissed off that his dad had sidelined him like that.

Sammy looked from Dean to Bobby as he asked, "What's going on?"

Dean shrugged as he told Sam, "It's really no big deal. I'm taking a year off from school. I'm not leaving." He finished with a grin as he spread his arms in a '_surprise_' pose.

Sammy stepped back as he shook his head, "You can't stay because of me... you'd hate me."

"What? No I wouldn't and if you think that you don't know me after all." Dean said sadly.

Sammy reached for Dean and gave him a slight shake, "_I can't do that to you. I'm so fucked up right now and I can't… I._" Sammy realized what he'd said and shut his mouth.

"Exactly, Sammy. You need me here more than I need some school." Dean said, shrugging like it didn't matter. _And it didn't, _not when it came up against his Sammy.

Sammy looked Dean in the eye and told him a bold faced lie, "I don't need you here. I'm fine."

Dean stopped moving and stared at Sammy. After watching for the tell that he was lying and not seeing it, he pulled away and walked out of the room. _And kept walking_… down the stairs and out the front door. After all the time it took to find his little brother and then to find out he didn't even want him around. He started winding his way through the stacks of cars not really paying attention to where he was going, _he didn't care_… just away was good enough for the moment. Maybe if he'd had more sleep, he'd have realized it was a lie to make him not feel like he '_had to stay_' out of obligation.

Bobby and Sam stared at each other in shock for a few seconds before they both scrambled for the door to go after Dean.

"Dean!" Sammy yelled as he stumbled down the stairs. He ignored his dad's _careful_ as he sped up at the bottom of the stairs, rounding the corner in a skidding slide as he raced for the front door. He slammed through the door as he yelled, "D, I'm sorry. Please come back." He stood on the porch listening hearing nothing he raced towards the maze of stacked cars. Silently thankful his father had the salvage yard lit up with so many yard lights.

Bobby followed after picking up the shotgun from the umbrella stand by the front door. Bobby heard Sam calling Dean, but he continued to hear silence on the return answer from his oldest. He knew Dean was tired and that had factored in to the walkout. He was even more determined to move forward with his plan now that he had time to think about it.

Sammy chased after his brother knowing that Dean wasn't thinking clearly because he hadn't been sleeping. _Not go to college_? He couldn't let Dean not go, not because he wanted him to stay. That would selfish. He wanted more than anything to tell him to stay. "_Dean_!" He yelled again, he noticed it had gotten lighter the longer he searched. He wasn't even sure just how much time had passed.

No response from his older brother had him scrambling to move faster, "D, please! I'm sorry." he kept yelling.

Still nothing as he moved out past the cars and to the open field by the small pond where they would go to think.

He saw Dean's outline sitting on the dock. He sighed in relief, his big brother was only sitting at the '_Thinking Pond_.'

He was about to call out to him when he saw someone walk up to him and reach down.

He was about to call out to _them_, thinking his dad had found them when Dean was yanked up by his shirt front and shook in the air like a rag doll. He heard a faint, "Off me…" As Dean tried to pry his shirt loose.

He ran as he screamed, "Let go of him you son of a bitch!"

**TBC**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** Not mine… but my sandbox is close enough that I can tunnel under the Winchester sandbox and steal them long enough to play and return before they are missed. I am awesome like that! Smile!

**NOTE#1: I wanted to thank all my FFF for the awesome reviews, alerts and favs by not making you wait a full week for the outcome of Dean's adventure to the 'thinking pond.' So**, here it is! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 22

Sammy ran as hard as he could but he was still too far away to stop the person from pulling his free hand back and thrusting it forward at Dean. He heard Dean's grunt of pain as his hands dropped from his shirt front to his stomach. Dean cried out as the man then pulled his hand back. That was when Sammy saw the glint of metal. Dean had been stabbed!

"Dean!" He screamed in terror as he raced forward.

Dean tried to look Sammy's direction, seeking out Sammy and when his eyes locked onto his little brothers, his _I'm sorry _was plain on his face as his eyes slowly closed and his head dropped to meet his chest.

"_NO_!" Sammy screamed as he raced forward, grabbing onto the man's arm and pulling Dean toward himself as he screamed, "Give him to me you son of a…"

"Who?" The man smiled down at Sammy before telling him, "This little mishap." the man stated before looking at Dean indifferently, "This is your fault."

"Why?" Sammy cried as he tried to put his arms around Dean's waist to pull him away from the man.

"You should have stayed with John. Let him finish you." The man said before he smiled evilly, "Well, me. You should have let me play the game out."

He jerked Dean away from Sammy and tossed him in the pond. Dusting his hands off as if they were dirty he turned his focus on Sammy.

Sammy didn't notice. He heard the splash and knew he had only a matter of minutes to save his brother. He stumbled back away from the man as he turned and dove towards the water. The man grabbed his shirt as he kicked out he rolled away and off the dock into the ice cold water. The temperature froze him in place but only for a few seconds then Dean raced through his sluggish brain and he was diving as he felt around. The pond wasn't too deep, but with Dean unconscious it didn't need to be.

He broke surface for air and looked frantically around for any sign of Dean. He ignored the shouts and the sound of gunshots as he dove back under for another try. When he couldn't hold his breathe any longer he came up again and looked at the surface for anything. A little to his left he thought he saw something so he dove under again and searched until he ran out of air and was about to have to resurface when his fingertips touched something solid. He made a grab and latched onto… an arm. _Shit_, his mind screamed, the arm offered no resistance as he followed it up to a shoulder, he pulled Dean close and swam for the surface. As he broke surface hands grabbed at him and his brother. He hit and screamed, _No way anything was taking Dean away again. _

It took a few seconds to realize it was his dad in the water with them and he let him take Dean. After reaching the dock, Sammy crawled up beside Dean as his father was already there doing CPR. He didn't even look for who his dad yelled at to call 911. He sat and held Dean's hand as he leaned down and begged in his brother's ear for him not to leave him, that if he did he would follow.

Several minutes and no movement from Dean had Sammy in a panic as he screamed at his brother. "I waited for you D! You come back here right now." He sobbed as he grabbed Dean's shirt and tugged he started ranting again, "Dammit, you promised. Don't you dare go back on your word!"

Bobby stopped doing the CPR as he looked at his boys. Tears streamed down his cheeks as Sammy realized his dad had stopped and Dean still wasn't breathing.

He screamed at his Dad as he took over the CPR, "Don't you even think about it, Dad! He ain't skipping out on me! I fucking won't let him!"

Bobby tried to hold back a sob as he whispered, "Son…"

"Shut up, dad!" Sammy screamed as he did chest compressions.

Someone said, "Scoot over. I'm going to try something."

Sammy moved aside automatically only to realize as that someone raised a fist it was John. As he slammed his fist hard onto Dean's chest, right above the bottom of his sternum Sammy lurched forward and pushed John away as he yelled, "Don't touch him again."

To everyone's surprise Dean gasp and choked on water. Bobby immediately flipped Dean on his side holding Dean as he threw up. After several seconds, Dean moaned as he clutched at his stomach.

Bobby spoke quietly to Dean as he hugged him close, "Shh… the ambulance is on it's way son… just hold on…"

John watched torn. On one hand he was happy Dean was okay but on the other he wondered what life would have been like for them if he'd kept them with him. If he'd stayed their father and not given them up.

Dean moaned hoarsely, "Sammy?"

Sammy hugged his brother as he sobbed into his shoulder while he lay on their dad's lap. He finally managed a whisper, "I thought I'd lost you… I thought you left me."

" 'u 'kay?" Dean whispered back.

Sammy snorted as he thought to himself, _I'll never be okay again_. But aloud, he mumbled, "As long as you are."

Dean nodded and then promptly past out.

"Dean?" Sammy asked, sitting up as he placed a hand on his brother's chest.

Sammy looked at John and screamed, "What the hell did you do?" He lunged at him and punched him.

John grabbed his arms as he told him, "The demon is dead, Sam. It's over."

"What?" Sammy asked as he froze looking for his dad to verify what he'd just heard.

Bobby told him, "John killed the demon with a special gun. The thing that killed your mother, kidnapped you and hu…" He paused and then continued, "Hurt Dean. It's never coming back."

Sammy jerked away from John as he snapped, "Don't touch me." He looked around before he growled, "Where the fuck is that ambulance?"

John stood from where he'd been kneeling as he told Bobby, "I'll go lead them back here. It sounds like the sirens are getting close."

Bobby nodded as he said, "Thanks, John."

John nodded as the tears began to fall he turned and jogged away. He wanted nothing more than to be the one staying with Bobby going to meet the ambulance. But he didn't have that right. He gave that right away when he walked out that door 10 years before.

"Dad?" Sammy asked in a tiny voice.

"Yeah?" Bobby replied his voice holding that wrung out tone.

"Dean… he's going to be okay, right?" Sammy asked as he let the tears fall unheeded.

Bobby gave a sad smile as he said, "Funny, Dean asked me that a few hours ago about you."

Sammy smiled down at Dean as he patted his chest, he whispered, "_I'm here._" He didn't want to be though, he realized. He thought a drug induced coma would be great right about now. At least then he would be out cold, and it wouldn't hurt like this. He shook his head, _it was a good thing Dean couldn't hear him, he would kill him_.

The sirens suddenly pierced through the fog in his brain, finally registering that help had arrived. They were immediately pushed aside as paramedics started working on his brother.

Sam didn't say anything when they asked if he was okay.

Or when they wrapped a blanket around him or when they decided he was in shock.

He did however start screaming when they put Dean in the ambulance and start to close the doors, effectively blocking his line of site of his brother. They quickly decided to put him in as well. Sitting across from his brother, he stared at the oxygen mask covering his pale face. They said something to him and he startled when he felt a needle prick, he looked down and back up to stare at the guy as he asked, "What the hell did you give me?"

Then he felt himself tip sideways and was well on his way to freaking out when everything went black and he knew nothing else.

**TBC**

**TinYnOTe: "Cardiac Thump" - **A precordial thump may be attempted only once during the onset of cardiac arrest. While the odds of success are poor, if the procedure is performed properly then little time is lost. The provider will immediately continue with other ACLS skills, including CPR, ACLS drugs, and defibrillation, as appropriate. It is also something that has to be done properly and with the right amount of force and has been known to correct problems with irregular heartbeats and when a heart has stopped and a defibulator in unavailable.

At one time, the technique was also taught as part of standard CPR training with the requirement that it must be administered within 60 seconds of the onset of symptoms. That time restriction, combined with a number of injuries caused by improper technique, resulted in the procedure being removed from CPR training.

~SO, with that being said… I am not a medical student, but this fit for the story so I am using it.~ iamtryN


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer**: I still dream of them being mine or at least my BF's so I can borrow them indefinitely but then I wake up and Kreipke is still the owner… so sad… But I still manage to have fun 'cause we still get to borrow them… (Thx, K) We just have to return them quicker. I have learned I can deal with that! Smiles…

**NOTE#1:** Thanks so much to all my readers, reviewers, fav-ers and alerters! I really appreciate the time and encouragement. Love the reviews! Thank you! And as to the ones that have sent me personal notes of encouragement and support... I thank you so much! You will never know how much it means to me!

Chapter 23

Sammy shot straight up and screamed, "Dean!" he felt arms wrap around him as he started shaking he tried to move away. He stared at his dad as it finally registered his dad had a hold of him. He tried to look past his dad as he asked, "Where's my brother?"

Bobby bit his lip as he said quietly, "I need you to stay calm okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Where is he?" His voice raised an octave in panic.

Bobby cleared his throat before he told him bluntly, "Emergency surgery."

"Why?" Sammy asked as he felt the hot burn of tears run down his face.

"The stab wound… they have to repair the stomach and make sure that he's not bleeding anywhere else." Bobby told him gently as patted him on the back trying to comfort him.

Sammy sagged against his dad as he asked, "What happened to that guy that hurt him?"

"Sammy he's dead. John killed him, remember I told you that at the pond." Bobby quietly reminded him.

Sammy whispered, "He was a… _a demon_?"

"Yes, Sammy he was." Bobby told him honestly.

"But he said it was my faul…" Sammy started to say.

"Demons lie Sammy, remember that. They lie. They say whatever they think will hurt you the most. They say cruel heartless things and try their damndest to destroy you. You can't listen to the shit that thing said. You hear me?" Bobby asked earnestly as he forced Sammy to look at him.

Sam looked at his dad with tears in his eyes as he said, "So…" he bit his lip and looked away.

"What?" Bobby asked as he watched Sammy closely.

"John… he…" Sammy wasn't sure what he wanted to say or ask.

"John is torn up by what happened. He understands you don't want him near you…" Bobby said as he tried to be fair to John.

"So, you think he was telling the truth? He was possessed?" Sammy asked quietly as he watched his dad's face.

"I do." Bobby once again answered honestly.

Sammy nodded as he stated, "Dean will be glad. I remember how he used to talk about him like he was some kind of superhero out saving the world."

Bobby nodded he remembered that too right up until Dean turned 14 and stopped talking about John at all. But after 3 years of no calls, Dean had given up on John coming back.

Bobby wondered if now that the thing was dead if John would come back into their lives and try to be their dad again.

Sammy grabbed his dad's hand as he told him earnestly, "If Dean wants him around… he will have to do it without me… I don't want him around, dad. I can't get those things out of my head. I still… I um…"

Bobby cut him off as he reassured him, "It's okay. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to."

"Dad… they gave me something earlier… they didn't warn me. I couldn't stop them." Sammy tried to convince Bobby that he hadn't ask for it. _Not this time_.

"You needed it son. You kinda freaked on them." Bobby said with a tiny grin as he told him, "One of the paramedics is sportin' a black eye."

"I… _hit _someone?" Sam asked in shock. He didn't remember that.

"Yep, gave him a nice shiner." Bobby pat him on the shoulder as he told him, "They get hit all the time, he said to tell you not to worry about it. Said something about you apologizing as you were going under. He wanted me to be sure and tell you not to worry about it."

Sammy turned pink as he wondered what else he had told them in his drugged state. He swallowed hard as he asked, "What else did I say?"

Bobby looked away, swallowing hard before he looked him straight in the eye and lied to him, "Nothing, son. Nothing at all. You wanted Dean is all."

"Dad…" Sammy sounded in pain as he whispered he looked away. He kinda wanted to tell him what happened, to tell someone… but he didn't want them to be disappointed… ashamed at what he'd done.

A knock interrupted them as John stuck his head in. He didn't come all the way into the room but he told Bobby, "They said something about bringing Dean up in about 15 but they want to put him in a different room. I tried to tell them they needed to be together."

"Shit!" Bobby snapped as he looked over at Sam.

"Go, dad. I'll be fine." Sam said because he knew his dad was instantly torn between going and staying.

Bobby nodded but stopped at the end of the bed as he reassured him, "I'll be right back. I gotta straighten this out."

Sam nodded.

Sam watched John pace back and forth in front of the open door for about five minutes before he asked, "Do you want something?"

John stopped and stared at him a few minutes before he said quietly, "I'm sorry for what happened."

Sam snorted as he said a little sarcastically, "Yeah, me too."

"Sam. I remembered." John said his voice soaked in shame.

"What?" Sam asked, his heart seeming to stop right there.

"I… after I killed him. I remembered what he did while he was in charge." John clarified.

"How much?" Sammy asked fearfully.

"All of it." John said quietly, he wanted to hang his head in shame but he deserved to see the look of hate and mistrust in his youngest eyes.

"Oh, god." Sammy moaned as his heart thudded back into a pounding mess before he asked urgently, "Did you tell my dad?"

John shook his head no before he said quietly, "But you should."

"Hell, no." Sam snapped as he told him, "They saw the cuts and bruises and that is all they will ever know about."

"I don't think that is a good…" John tried to reply.

"I really don't give a rat's ass what you think, John." Sammy said angrily.

John nodded as he said, "I understand your pissed…"

Sammy sat up and reached for his IV. Yanking it out he threw it away from him and tossed his legs over the side of the bed as he snarled, "You don't understand _shit _about me! I had my life together before you came along and fucked it up." He snapped as he stood and stumbled toward John his voice got louder, "I was someone Dean and Dad were proud of."

"You still are, son." John said as he stood his ground.

"**Don't**. I'm not your son." He angrily pushed John as he growled, "I'm nothing now."

"That's not…" John started to deny, tears welling up in his eyes.

"What? _Not true_? Is that what you were going to say?" Sammy slammed a fist into the window of his door. Then he turned back to John. "Well, _don't fucking bother_. You and I both know what I am now."

John shook his head in denial as he told him, "You're still the same person…"

"I don't want to hear that bullshit! _I'm not_! I never will be the Sam Singer I was before you ruined my life." Sam yelled as he walked over to a window and looked down.

"Sam… I never… I tried to…" John stumbled over his words.

Sam turned to look John in the eye and he snarled, "I was normal. I was the kid brother of a star athlete who had a full ride to a university he's been wanting to go to for…" He shrugged his shoulders and then continued, "forever and now… _he's not going_. And you know why?" He asked as he turned and slammed his fist through the window. Several people came running from different directions and Sam looked down at the blood running down his arm and onto the floor, "_because of me_." He whispered. Then he looked at John with tears streaming down his face as he whispered again, "all of it's because of me."

**TBC**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **I know… we've all heard it, wrote it repeatedly but… _not mine. Don't own._ Wish I did. So sad… jealousy… ugly thing… but so true. K is a lucky bastard! But thank God he is so we can borrow and play. _There_. Done… Smiles!

**NOTE#1: **Thank you so much for all the reads and reviews! I so appreciate them! Also thanks as well to the Fav-ers and Alerters! So here we go… onward! Enjoy! (sorry for the lateness... working on a 2 day migraine)

Chapter 24

A nurse gently took Sammy by the arm as she asked, "Honey, what happened?"

Her gaze leveled on John causing him to take a step back as he murmured, "Maybe I better go get his dad. He went down to fix a room problem with Sam's brother, Dean."

She turned to glance quickly at Sam as she asked, "You're Dean's little brother? Singer right?"

Sam nodded as she led him back to his room. She talked quietly to him about her son Les and how he had been on the football team with Dean.

By the time Bobby got back to the room, Sammy was asleep and John was sitting outside his door waiting for him.

Bobby said wearily, "Dean will be out of recovery any minute and then they'll bring him up here."

"Bobby, I think I need to leave." John said quietly, not looking at him.

"What happened?" Bobby asked worriedly as he glanced in the room to see Sammy asleep in his bed.

"Sammy freaked. Put his hand through that window over there and…" John stated as he pointed to a window that was blocked off by yellow caution tape.

"What? Why?" He interrupted even as he rushed further into the room then back out to stare at a now standing John.

"He… _god Bobby_…" John voice caught as he tried to hold back a sob before he continued, "What happened was bad… Real bad and it's really messin' with his head and me here is just reminding him. _I gotta go_." John said as he ran a hand nervously through his hair.

Bobby tilted his head as he asked again, "What happened John?"

John rubbed a hand across his mouth and then scrubbed at the back of his neck before he looked at Bobby and barely whispered, "He's going to need both… _you and Dean_. He uh… he hit the window and shredded his arm. They had to give him a sedative so they could sew up his arm. He wasn't very co-operative."

"That doesn't sound like him." Bobby said, it didn't even register to him that he'd moved as he stared down at his son now sleeping peacefully.

"Bobby, I know what that bastard did and I understand why he needs me to go away. But I promised Dean I would come back after the demon was dead." John spoke softly and Bobby heard the torn… undecided-ness in his voice and his heart rate sped up. This was what he'd always worried about. But aloud he said, "Dean will understand you taking a step back for Sammy. In fact he would probably be more apt to give you a chance if you put Sam first."

"But I don't want to leave." John admitted, unshed tears stinging his eyes.

"John, I'm asking you to give Sam time." Bobby pleaded quietly. "I promise I will let Dean know you didn't want to leave. I'll let him know you remember the promise." Bobby tried to bargain with him.

John nodded as he whispered, "Maybe one day Sam will forgive me."

Bobby smiled sadly before he commented, "First Sam has to forgive himself."

John looked up at Bobby startled before he said softly, "I'm so damn jealous of you right now."

Bobby smiled as he admitted, "You know, you saved my life by coming in like a tornado and giving me these two." Bobby looked at John as he absent-mindedly brushed back Sam's bangs off his forehead.

"Well, you kept them safe all these years. You made Dean the man he is today and you're the one they look up to and I…" He ran a hand through his hair as he admitted, "I can't help wondering if they would love me as much as they love you if I'd kept them with me or if they would end up resenting me more for dragging them around everywhere."

"John you can't keep second guessing yourself… we did what we thought was best." Bobby told him as he tried to comfort his old friend.

John smiled and with a nod said, "Yeah, we did." He turned and went to the door before he turned back and looked at Bobby, "Maybe eventually they'll let me be…" He shrugged as he suggested, "Uncle John or something…"

Bobby smiled even as relief flooded through him. John wasn't going to try to take Sammy. Dean was nineteen, an adult and would be making his own decisions. But Sam still had a few years at home and it was a relief that he wouldn't have to fight John to keep his boys.

"I think I'll go get some coffee." John said as he asked, "You want a cup?'

"Yeah, I could use a cup, thanks." Bobby replied as looked down at Sammy and worriedly checked his watch. They said Dean would be awake when he came up and he would freak to see Sam out cold on a bed.

_Speaking of… perfect timing _he thought as he heard Dean ask groggily, "Where's my brother?"

"I don't know, I think he's…" The nurse said as she looked up and saw Bobby shake his head and she changed to, "Well, there's your father."

Dean turned his head and saw Bobby move toward him so he said, "Hey dad. Did Sam bail on me? I haven't…" Dean stopped and stared as he rolled past his dad and could see Sam on the bed behind his dad, "What the hell? Dad?" Dean asked as he tried to sit up but before Bobby could get to him the nurse pushed him back down and snapped, "Mister if you try that again I will turn this bed around and wheel you right back out and into your own private room. _You hear me_?"

Dean glared at the woman before finally muttering, "Yeah, I hear you."

"Good," She said with a sweet smile as she positioned his bed next to Sam.

"Dad? Why is he in a hospital bed?" Dean asked forgetting the nurse was there in his worry. Then she adjusted everything and left the room.

"He dove in after you. He saved your life." Bobby told him honestly.

"Then why is he… did he get hurt trying to save me?" Dean asked worriedly as he chewed his lower lip in his distress.

"No, Dean… he kinda freaked and he went into shock after he saved you. They just gave him something to calm him down." Bobby told him soothingly.

"He's okay though?" Dean questioned still worried.

"Dean, he will be a whole lot better once he's talks to you." Bobby informed his oldest firmly.

Dean closed his eyes tiredly as he mumbled, "Pinch him or something, would you?'

Bobby chuckled as he stepped over to Dean and asked, "What exactly do you remember?"

"Um… going to the pond to think and then I heard someone walk onto the dock. I thought it was Sammy. Then I turned and the guy was just there in my face. I didn't have a chance to do anything." He told his dad as he tried to see Sammy again.

"It's over now, John killed it. The demon that kidnapped Sammy… _it's dead_." Bobby had never been one to lie to Dean even when he wanted to.

"It can never come back?" Dean asked with a yawn.

"Nope." Bobby said with a smile as he rested his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Awesome. " Dean said with a return smile. "Let me know when he wakes up. I'm just going to rest my eyes." He barely finished his sentence before he was asleep.

John cleared his throat from the doorway as he waited for Bobby to give him the all clear. Bobby motioned for him to come in and as he handed Bobby his coffee he told him, "I been thinking… maybe I can hang around… bring you food and coffee until the boys are out of here that way you can let me know how they're doing."

He watched Bobby for a reaction to gauge if you would be willing to do it.

Bobby chewed his lip as he thought about it. He wanted to grab the boys and leave state but John had shared them with him… was he less of a man not to be willing to do the same?

**TBC**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer**: _Still not mine_… _not even ghosty Bobby _(I so called it by the way~ smiles)

Can't wait for next Fridays ep~ the see-age of Bobby! Epic! Oh, yeah I was typing my _I don't own one little hair on their adorable heads_… Just enjoying the sandbox time even if I have to raid to get it!

**NOTE#1**: Read Chapter 8 of Junkyard Dogs by LeighAnn Wallace. Worth the wait! I loved it! (Remember that was her version of our summer challenge)

**NOTE#2**: Thank you _**SO MUCH **_for all the reviews, favs, alerts and silent reads out there! I adore them! I know that everyone hates the long waits between the posts, but it gives me so much more time to write! I appreciate the patience you all have in the new one day a week posting that I started with this story. **And **I adore you all for sticking with me and continuing to read this story!

Chapter 25

"John. I think that I have an idea." Bobby said after a few minutes.

John sat down on the edge of a chair as he waited on Bobby to continue.

"Are you staying in the business?" Bobby asked as he chewed on his lower lip.

"Hadn't really thought about it. I promised Dean I was done after the demon was dead." John told him honestly.

"Well, I'm thinking of moving to Palo Alto for a few years and taking Sam with us." Bobby finally spoke aloud what he'd been thinking about for awhile.

"What? Why?" John asked, as he felt himself panic as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Well, Dean has got a full ride to college there but he won't go with everything that's happened." Bobby told him bluntly.

"Okay…" John drew the word out, not realizing where the conversation was going.

"I think he'll change his mind if Sam and I go too. At least I'm hoping he will." Bobby told him just as honest as John had been earlier.

"Oh." John said quietly feeling kinda of deflated, this was not going like he'd planned.

"Would you consider staying at the house and running the business?" Bobby asked hesitantly.

"The yard?" John was shocked, he'd thought this was Bobby's way of quietly kicking him back out of their lives. But now he was dragging him into the middle of everything… _sort of_.

"Yeah, I mean you use to own a garage…" Bobby struggled to get out what he wanted to say.

"I… um…" John started as he moved nervously, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as he started speaking again, "let me think about it?"

"Sure… John it's just an idea. I don't know if the boys will even go for it." Bobby said with a shrug.

"I'll let ya know. I better go, Sammy's moved a couple of times. I think it'd be better if I wasn't here when he wakes up." John said as he stood to leave.

"Yeah, ok. You leavin' for the night?" Bobby asked as he looked to see if Sammy was moving at the moment and then moved closer to John.

"I'll be in the lobby if you need anything." John told him quietly.

"Ok. Thanks, John. I appreciate you giving them the space to adjust." Bobby said.

John smiled rather sadly at him as he nodded and walked out. Bobby followed and watched him walk down the hall. So much had happened and they were all still adjusting, even John.

Bobby was feeling kinda foolish, wishing he'd talked to the boys first before discussing it with John, but it was already water under the bridge. He'd already spilt his big _plan _to John. He walked back into the room and over to the window to stare out it, not really focusing on anything.

He'd only been in the room a few minutes by himself with his sons when Sammy started to moan out, _no… please… stop._

Bobby was moving to grab Sammy's hand and told him soothingly, "It's okay, buddy. I gotcha."

Sammy opened his eyes and blinked as he tried to locate his big brother. "D?" he whispered.

"Sleeping." Bobby told him, no he didn't feel guilty it was technically the truth.

"Oh… K." Sammy sighed out as his eyes started to close once again. His eyes suddenly shot open as he sat straight up and screamed, "Dean!"

Bobby jumped and reached for his youngest as he told him, "Sammy…" He pulled him into a hug as he said again, "Sammy' it's okay. I gotcha and Dean's here too. I promise…"

Sammy leaned his forehead into his father's shoulder and sobbed. He let his father rock him back and forth as he bawled like a baby.

A good ten minutes later Sammy had finally stopped and he lay still in his father's arms barely breathing. Suddenly Bobby heard him whisper, "_I tried so hard, dad_."

"It's okay now, son." Bobby said gently.

"No… no it's not. I… _he was right_, dad. Fuck if he wasn't right… _the bastard_." Sammy snarled into his shoulder.

"_What_, Sammy? _Who was right_?" Bobby asked as he tried to lift Sammy up to look at him, but he resisted so Bobby pulled him back into a hug, rubbing circles on his back.

"I just wanted it to stop." He sighed out, barely audible.

"Son…" Bobby started but stopped when Sammy started to once again speak.

"Dad… I wanted the..." Sammy said a little louder as he sat up and pushed away until he could look his father in the eye. He still couldn't say it aloud though, not yet.

Bobby turned pale. The hell his son must have been put through to want to escape.

Sammy mistook the look on his face as disgust for his actions. He lowered his head in shame as he asked, "Please don't tell Dean."

"Sammy." Bobby said softly.

Sammy kept his gaze fastened on his dad's collar.

"Sammy... We aren't going to suddenly stop loving you boy. You should know better." Bobby said in a level, calm and he hoped soothing voice as he smiled lovingly at his son, "I love you, son."

"Dad. I don't want you to be disappointed in me. I don't want…" He said softly as he looked past him to Dean on the other bed as his voice faded to nothing.

"Sammy?" Bobby called out softly, giving him a slight shake.

Sammy started shaking and tried to get off the bed past Bobby.

"Samuel Robert Singer." Bobby said sternly as he put his hand on Sam's arm to stop him.

Sammy looked down at the hand on his arm and followed it up until he was staring at his dad.

"Samuel, he's just sleeping. _I promise_. The surgery went well." His dad stated as he tried to reassure him.

"Well, pinch him or something so he will wake up. I need to see him awake… I need to talk to him. He needs to know I'm sorry and I love him." Sammy said in a rush as a tear slide down his cheek his gaze slide once again past him to his silent brother.

Bobby laughed, startling Sammy's gaze back to him. Bobby quickly explained, "When he came up from surgery, he was awake and wanted me to pinch you so he could see you awake and apologize to you."

Sammy smiled as he slid past his dad to take a step toward his brother. Turning back he asked, "We're going to make it…"

Bobby smiled as he agreed with his youngest, "Yeah, as long as we're together we'll be just fine."

"Ok." Sam said with a nod and turned back towards his brother.

Sam waited all day for Dean to wake up and still he slept on.

"Sammy, you need to rest." Bobby said wearily as he watched his son as he sat beside Dean's bed.

"And Dean needs to wake up." Sammy said just as wearily.

Bobby smiled sadly at him as he stood. "I'm gonna stretch my legs and get me some coffee. Want anything?"

"My brother to wake his lazy ass up." Then he sighed as he said, "Coffee, please. Lots of cream and sugar."

"Of course." Bobby smiled, mussing up his hair as he passed. Stopping at the door he turned and said, "You going to be okay while I'm gone?"

"Dad…" Sam said in an almost whine and then he sighed, "Dean's right here. He won't let anything happen to me."

"Dean's asleep." Bobby commented as he hesitated by the door.

"Yeah, but if I need him, he'll wake up. It's okay… I'll take care of him." Sammy said as he glanced down at Dean.

Bobby gave a slight nod and left the room with every intention of breaking every record in getting back to his boys.

**TBC**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer**: _**Still not mine**_… but we know where their sandbox is! (Evil giggles)

**NOTE#1**: Thank you all for your support and continued reading, reviewing, favs and alerts! I really appreciate it. To the ones I can't answer... thank you as well.

**NOTE#2**: I found this on an site about old folk sayings and thought I'd pass it along, "An arrogant bug is a cocky roach." (wiggles eyebrows) The things we can find on the internet! I was actually doing research for another story. :)

**NOTE#3**: Now onto the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 26

Sammy closed his eyes and let a tear escape when he bowed his head to pray. He jerked his head up and stared at his brother as he felt Dean's hand move to cover his. "Dean!" He cried out happily when he saw his brother staring at him.

"S'mmy." Dean murmured with a tiny smile. "Thank you."

"What? Why?" Sammy asked confused.

"St'll truss…" Dean paused as he pressed a hand to his stomach while he groaned out, "me." Sammy grabbed the nurse button and started to push it but stopped when Dean gasped out, "not yet."

Sammy paused and waited on his brother to continue.

"Worr'd 'bout that." Dean said softly as he closed his eyes.

"No, D." Sammy replied firmly as he placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, "Why on earth would you think I don't trust you?"

"Di't ne'd me…" Dean began in a raspy voice.

Sammy stared at him a second before he shook his head, biting his lip before he blurted out, "_I lied D… _Okay? I just don't want you to hate me later cause you didn't go to school. I couldn't stand it if you hated me."

Dean closed his eyes as he took in a couple of shallow breaths. Then opening them he said a lot clearer voice now that he was waking up, "Sammy… the only things that I can't live without is you and Dad." He paused for a moment. "Everything else, that can be worked out."

Sammy smiled sadly as he admitted, "I want to be so close that I'm your shadow… _I need you_ big brother. Is that enough truth for you?"

"That'll work." Dean said with a grin.

Sammy stated as his grip on his brother's hand tightened, "If you ever do that again to me I will kick your ass jerk."

"Do what?" Dean asked, his turn to be confused.

"I should never have to give my big brother CPR after pulling him from a pond." Sammy's voice caught. He tried to not burst into tears as he watched Dean.

"I know little brother, I know. We've done a lot of should nevers over the past several weeks. I should never ever have to hunt for you, chasing you across the country only to find you barely breathing on a filthy cot. Don't you ever do that to me again, bitch."

"I've missed you brother." Sammy whispered as he laid his head down on the bed and tried to cry silently.

"I've missed you too little brother." He responded as he ran his free hand through his brother's hair.

Bobby had to turn away from the doorway and go a few steps away from the door. He tried to cry quietly. Giving himself a few minutes to work through the tears he wiped his face and went back to the room. He stilled his face to _nope, not crying, I'm the big boy_.

He was surprised to see Dean lift his finger to his lips in a be quiet gesture.

Bobby smiled as he sat down opposite from Sammy. "How long?" Bobby whispered softly.

"Not long." Dean mouthed. His hand still tangled in Sam's hair as his other one reached for the cup in Bobby's hand.

"No." Bobby whispered moving it out of reach. He couldn't help but chuckle at the '_bitch face_' Dean was giving him. "Ah, I see…" He murmured, " _you_ taught Sam that."

Dean stopped pursuing the cup and dropped his free hand to the bed as he asked, "What? How to sleep anywhere?" He inquired with a smirk.

"No… _the bitchface _you're always complaining about." Bobby clarified smugly, followed immediately by a loud slurp from his cup.

Dean grinned down at his sleeping brother then looked at his father. "Maybe we're on the downhill slope of it all?"

"Yeah, maybe." Bobby agreed. "Dean… would you consider going to college if we came with you?" Bobby asked then took a big swig of his coffee as he waited for an answer.

Dean's hand went still on top of Sammy's head as he stared at his dad.

Bobby continued to sip his coffee as he waited for Dean to work it through in his head.

"What about Sam and school?" came the typical Dean response.

"I think a school where the kids knew nothing about what happened here would take some pressure off him, don't you?" Bobby asked, playing his ace.

Dean looked down at Sam before he asked, "So you both would come with me?"

"Yeah, I've been looking at places and the schools. I thought you guys could take a look with me if you're interested." Bobby said as he tried to keep the hope out of his voice.

"What about our house and the yard?" Dean questioned once again looking at his father.

"John will stay and run it. Well, he's thinking about it anyways." Bobby said with a shrug.

"How could we afford that?" Dean asked as he started to consider the possibility.

"Well, I may have it worked out. We could be caretakers at Winchesters House." Bobby suggested with a straight face.

"_What_? No… I'd never get any work done. I'd be worried…" He said staring down at Sam. But when he looked at Bobby's face he snapped, "Not funny Dad. Not at all."

"It was a little funny." Bobby argued before he turned serious and asked, "Do you remember Dana Mavis?"

"The lady that looked liked a 1920's movie star?" Dean asked as he thought about the lady who was very pretty for being so old.

"Yes. Well, she has a place just off campus and she says we can stay there and look after it while she's in France for at least the next five years. She's working on a restoration project over there." Bobby gave a shrug as he commented casually, "If you want to think about it."

"Isn't that the mansion she was standing in front of in that picture she sent us last Christmas?" Dean questioned, just to clarify everything in his head.

Bobby smiled. He was winning Dean over. Dean just might get to college in the fall after all.

Dean sighed as he wondered if he should even consider it. Finally he looked up and stared at Bobby as he told him, "Let's ask Sammy."

The next several days past with Dean staying awake more. They were also making plans to go to Palo Alto to "_look around_" and make a decision from there. Dean was still worried about Sammy. He still wasn't sleeping very well and he was getting quiet which worried Dean even more. _Quiet meant trouble_. Always had with Sammy. But how much trouble could the kid get into in a hospital? He was giving his little brother time to work through everything in his head. Hoping that would be what he needed. _Time._

**TBC**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: **_**If only **_they were mine… Smiles. But alas we only get to play in their sandbox on borrowed time.

**NOTE#1**: Thank you so much for all the reading and of course reviewing. As well as favs and alerts! I really appreciate it! And please remember not to kill the writer… (Hides behind Sam and Dean)

Chapter 27

_What the hell had he been thinking_? Dean silently berated himself. _He should have fucking known better_! Give Sammy time to work through it. What an idiot! First time his dad deems it okay to go get some clean clothes from the house and Sammy runs. Well, of course if he hadn't fallen asleep Sammy couldn't have gone anywhere. _Shit_!

"Fine." He said out loud to the still empty room. He sat up and yanked the IV from his arm. He hissed in pain but tossed it aside anyway. Slipping his legs over the edge he braced his arms on the sides of the bed. _Breathe in… breathe out_… He couldn't help wincing at the flash of pain. He would go find Sam on his own and kick his ass each step he took back to the room. Dad could not come back to no Sammy. _Not on his watch_.

He stood wobbling a few seconds before he headed haltingly towards the door. Leaning against it he ignored the sweat beading on his forehead and the steady ache already developing in his stomach. He was surprised he wasn't immediately attacked by the nurses that had been making sure he stayed where he was suppose to. In bed. Too bad little brother didn't get that memo.

Twenty minutes later he was surprised he'd been left basically alone. He'd only had one nurse ask him where he was going. He'd told her back to his room and she had smiled and walked away. A few minutes after that and he was at a side entrance about to go outside when he suddenly knew Sam wasn't outside. Sam was still in the hospital. Glancing around him he spotted a door with a sign pointing out the way to the basement. He grabbed the door handle. _Yep_, he thought silently, _Sammy had gone that way_… down stairs.

When he finally got to the bottom of the steps he had to stop. He leaned against the wall to catch his breath. _Breathe in… breathe out… breathe… shit. _He doubled over and wrapped his arms around his midsection as he fought to control the aching pain that just seemed to get worse with each breath he took in._ God his wound was killing him_. He took in another deep breath. He knew better than to call out to Sammy. If Sammy was in flight mode and he chose to run now he'd never catch him so he pushed off the wall and followed his instinct. In less than five minutes Dean had found his missing brother. Stepping around the boiler that had been blocking him from being seen by Sam he stepped closer.

Sammy hissed as if in pain and looked quickly around as he asked, "Who's there?" his heart pounding so loudly he thought for sure that it would wake Dean from the sound sleep he had left him in.

"Dumbass." Dean whispered under his breath as he stepped into the light and then Dean realized what Sammy was doing. Dean's heart stopped right there as he fell to his knees next to his little brother, he groaned as the jarring fall rippled through his stomach.

"Dean?" Sammy questioned wondering how the hell he was beside him and not in bed where he had left him earlier. "Why are you here?"

"Who the hell else chases your ass all over the fuckin' place?" Dean snapped his fear and worry warring for top spot, so he settled for pissed.

"D… I…" Sam tried to say because he really needed to tell his brother some things.

"Don't even think about trying to lie to me right now little brother." Dean snarled so damn angry that he had been dumb enough to trust his brother who was clearly still too damn messed up to be left on his own.

"D… I'm." Sam sighed as he thought, _I really am sorry_.

"I mean it's obvious that you don't trust me." Dean hadn't meant to say that out loud, it had just popped out before he could regulate it.

"No… I do trust you." Sam argued as he tried to shake his head.

"No… you don't." Dean lightly touched his arm before he growled his mouth and his touch not matching, "You don't or you wouldn't be trying to kill yourself without giving me a chance to fix it."

"I'm not…" Sam tried again even as his voice started to weaken.

"Sam don't." Dean whispered hoarsely. He was so scared that it came out in a quivering mass of anger, totally bypassing the raging panic cascading through him.

"I'm just so tired, D." Sam admitted as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"Sam, what's that?" Dean asked looking at the needle held in his brother's hand. The one he had already emptied into his arm.

Sam looked extremely guilty as he said, "I just want to sleep without hearing his voice or seeing his face."

Dean reached out and slowly took the needle, tossing it away as he asked again. "What did you take?" He pulled his little brother into his arms.

"Not feel his hands… Just one ni't…" He mumbled as his eyes started to close.

"No." Dean snapped his terror gripping him as he pulled Sammy even closer.

The panic in his big brother's voice caused him to struggle to open his eyes.

"What did you take?" Dean demanded giving Sam a slight shake.

Sammy pushed a container into his hand as he mumbled, "So'y"

Dean looked at the label, morphine. "Dammit!" Dean snarled in frustration as he tried to stand while pulling Sammy up with him. "Okay, little brother… time to get you back upstairs." He sank to the floor as a sob escaped.

"Sammy… please. What the hell were you thinking?" He pushed back Sammy's damp bangs as he gave him a slight shake. "You promised… _dammit, you promised." _Dean couldn't help the desperate tone as he spoke to his little brother.

He tried to get the sobbing panic under control as he tried to think. _I need to get Sammy upstairs. I need to get him to help_. A logical voice told him the best solution was to leave Sam and go get help. He snorted; _No way in hell was that happening. Shit_! He was going with; at the same time as Sammy, period. Nothing else was acceptable.

Looking down at his little brother he pulled him close as he whispered, "I almost didn't survive the first time you left…" He sobbed into his brother's hair. "Please don't leave… please…" He hiccupped and took in a ragged breath as he pulled them both into standing position. "Okay. We can do this." He said to his brother as he pulled and half carried Sam to the stairwell. He prayed all the way to the first door, bracing his foot on the wall and partially allowing his brother to brace on his leg he pulled it open. Letting the door fall back onto him as he went through shoved him forward into the stairwell when the door slammed shut on it's own behind him.

He randomly thought maybe he should have found the elevator, but quickly dismissed the maze he didn't have time to sort through. This way he knew. By the time he made it to the first landing he was sure he'd ripped open his stitches if the tickling of moisture sliding down his stomach was any indication. He turned and headed up the remaining stairs. Pausing halfway up, he leaned against the wall as he told Sammy, "Be nice if you would wake up and least talk to me." Sweat rolled down the side of his face as braced Sam against him to check his pulse. Not liking the sluggishness of his brother's pulse had him shoving away from the guardrail; moving towards the door and help once again. Ignoring the stabbing pain was getting harder with each step, but it would be endured for his little brother. Bracing his foot on the wall again he pulled open the door to the first floor. He staggered around the corner only to run into John.

"Oh for the love of…" Dean snapped, he really didn't need this. What he needed was a doctor or nurse to help Sammy.

"Dean. What the hell?" John snapped right back, "Bobby came back and panicked when he couldn't find you guys."

"Fuck!" Dean growled as he tried to push past John, "Just get out of my way."

"What happened?" John asked reaching for Sam.

Dean jerked him out of John's reach. "Don't."

John couldn't help the hurt that crashed through him but let his hands drop away. _He deserved this and probably a lot worse._

"He can't get the shit out of his head every time he closes his eyes… _can you fix that_?" Dean snapped and started to walk away.

"No." John admitted before he added to Dean's retreating back, "But I would if I could."

Dean nodded but kept walking a couple more steps before he hit his knees.

John was instantly reaching for his elbow as he knelt beside Dean to ask, "You gonna make it? Can you stand?" He knew that Dean wouldn't let him take Sam so he settled for helping Dean.

Dean looked at him; pale and sweaty and even as he swayed there on his knees he whispered, "I'm fine. Just help me up."

John nodded and put an arm around Dean and pulled him to his feet. Then he helped Dean to get Sam in a better position to carry. He wanted to go for help but he couldn't leave them knowing Dean was about ready to pass out.

A man in a suit was slowly walking past, staring at them until John snarled, "Well, don't just stare. Go get help!"

As they reached the elevators the man he'd ordered to get help returned with a nurse in tow, "What is going on here?"

"My brother took a shot of morphine he got from this hospital. Want to explain to me how he got access to it?" he demanded to know as he readjusted Sammy in his arms. He rumbled, "Or maybe you can pull your heads out of your asses long enough to help me? If not get the hell out of my way." He started to push past her to get on the elevator.

The nurse turned red and then paled. She was reaching for them even as she yelled for help. Suddenly they were swarmed by medical staff and a gurney was shoved in front of Dean who had yet to let go of Sam.

John laid a hand on Dean's shoulder as he told him, "They need to take him in order to help him. Let them."

Dean looked up at John and then down at Sam before he let them take him. A young nurse with tears in her eyes touched his cheek as she whispered, "We will take care of him." He looked at her thinking randomly that she reminded him of his mother. What little he could remember of her. Once he was certain Sammy was safely on the gurney he handed the nurse the bottle of morphine. "Take care of him." he murmured before he passed out in a heap at her feet.

"Oh my god." She squealed as she handed another nurse the bottle and snapped, "The little one took this, get the peds doctor to meet us."

Dropping to her knees she immediately spotted the blood soaking his hospital gown. She ordered loudly, "Get me another gurney."

John told her, "They both have a room on the 3rd floor; room 314." He picked up Dean as a gurney was brought to them.

She looked at him startled, "These are Bobby Singer's boys?"

John flinched but nodded as he watched both boys taken away on the elevators.

**TBC**

**TinyNote: **I'm really sorry about the cliff. But remember Sandbox Raiders' Rule #2 and all will be well. (Still hiding behind Sam and Dean) ~Also later than planned because I added another page and a half. :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: **If only… I love that. So many possibilities follow those two simple words. But that doesn't help us get any closer to them being ours… so off to the Sandbox Raid instead…

**NOTE#1: **Thank you so much for the reading and reviewing. I also want to thank the ones that fav and alert too. I'm sorry for the late post. I have been hiding in my dark room trying to get rid of the migraine monster. I gave up. He won. So… I'm going to post this chapter and later I will answer the reviews. I'm so sorry, normally I answer the reviews AND THEN post. So, backwards day. Hope you enjoy and just know I love all the reviews, favs and alerters!

Chapter 28

Hours later had a worried Bobby pacing between beds as he watched his boys sleep. This was definitely a set back they hadn't needed. _Shit_! He thought silently. He'd made a mistake thinking he could leave his boys so early on. He'd come back to chaos. He'd been terrified that he'd lost both his boys this time. The icing on the cake was now they wanted to put his youngest on a suicide watch and move him to the psychiatric ward. After everything his kids had been through he couldn't allow that to happen. He knew Sam hadn't tried to kill himself. He knew his boy. But something was going on with him and it wasn't helping him any by not talking. So he needed to know what it was. He'd thought they'd made a breakthrough the last time Sam had opened up a little and cried in his arms. He slapped his cap on his leg as he continued to pace. But he was beginning to wish they had stayed at the clinic. Maybe he'd been too hasty with that.

His thoughts were interrupted by a faint, "Dad?" coming from his oldest. He rushed over to his bed. "Son?" Bobby said gently as he laid a hand on his arm.

"Sammy?" He murmured as he tried to move to look for him. He just needed to see him.

"Sleeping." Bobby answered shortly.

"What happened?" Dean asked using his hand without the IV to rub at his face.

"What? You don't remember?" Bobby asked cautiously as he studied his movements.

"I remember handing Sammy off to a nurse and then nothing." Dean admitted tiredly as he again tried to look around his dad.

"You passed out. You pulled open your stitches and…" Bobby rubbed at his own face before he continued, "What were you thinking?"

"Dad. I couldn't leave him… I" Dean swallowed hard before he finished, "I just couldn't risk it." He rubbed at his eyes with his free hand as he tried to keep from crying, taking in a ragged breath he continued, "What if he'd died because I left him?" He closed his eyes and a tear escaped anyway as he whispered, "I couldn't live with that."

"Dean." Bobby said softly, "I thought he was okay. I screwed up and for that…" He took in is own ragged breath before he finished what he had to say, "I am sorry."

"Dad… you went to change clothes. That's it." Dean defended him. "How could you know?"

"Dean. I should have waited." Bobby stated flatly.

"Dad, what are we going to do?" Dean asked in a voice that wanted answers while at the same time pleaded for assurance that it would be alright.

Bobby studied him a couple of seconds before he said firmly, "We're gonna take one day at a time, son…" He couldn't help but glance over his shoulder at his youngest.

"I should have made him talk, ya know." Dean said quietly, his voice full of regret as he looked away from his father.

"Dean." Bobby jerked his head back around to stare at his oldest as he began to talk only to be stopped by Dean's sharp snap.

"No. _I should have_. He's always had to talk things out. _I know that_. But I didn't force him and you want to know why?" Dean asked with a hint of anger, tears spilling down his cheeks as he waited for his dad to respond.

"Dean. We can talk later… just rest. _Don't get so_…" _worked up,_ he finished in his head, before he completed his sentence aloud, "I don't want both of you…" He shut up. He didn't want Dean to take what he was trying to say the wrong way.

Dean said it anyway. It had been eating away at him and he needed to say it out loud so he began, "I didn't think I could handle the details and I didn't want him to think what he would say had changed anything between us." Dean banged a fist onto the bed. "I almost lost him Dad…" and he looked up and his chin wobbled as he tried to hold back the sob and the tears. He tried to move away as he saw his dad step toward him because he knew if he touched him his dam would break, "_don't_." he whispered desperately.

Bobby ignored him as he came and sat on the edge of the bed anyways. He carefully pulled his son into his arms as he whispered, "Its okay, son. I gotcha."

Dean lost the battle with his emotions as he cried on his dad's shoulder.

Bobby rubbed circles on his son's back as he kept whispering, "He's okay. I gotcha."

After he was all cried out he sagged against his dad in exhaustion. He suddenly realized his head felt like it might explode. "Dad… my head…" he mumbled as he tried to rub his temple.

Bobby pulled back and looked worriedly at his son.

"D?" A faint whisper from the next bed brought conversation between father and son to a skidding halt.

"Sammy!" Dean exclaimed, raised up slightly, to see Sam better. With his dad seated he could see Sammy.

"Ya okay?" He asked as he rolled his head to look at Dean.

Dean blinked hard a couple of times as he tried to ward off tears before he answered, "Just a headache, little brother."

"It must be a son of a bitch since you're crying." Sammy said tiredly.

Dean just stared at him his eyes widening in shock as he stuttered, "You… you…"

"What, D?" Sammy asked as he turned over on his side to face Dean.

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean snapped out, too emotionally tapped out to censure his mouth.

Sammy looked confused as he asked, "What's the matter?" he didn't understand what was going on with his big brother but Dean acted like he should know what was wrong.

"Oh my God." Dean fell back on the bed and closed his eyes as he prayed silently, _Please help me… help us. I can't… you said if it was too much you would help. You wouldn't give us more than we can handle. Please…_

Sammy sat up looking at Dean with his eyes squeezed shut and his lips moving silently as if he was praying. His head felt cloudy but he needed to get to Dean. Dean was upset about something. Dean rarely cried and that made the worry level sky rocket. If he was crying over a headache his head must be close to imploding.

He was pulled from his musings by his dad snapping, "Don't even think about it."

Startled he looked up to see his dad staring straight at him as he stood from Dean's bed and walked over to him.

"Dad… Dean's head… he needs…" Sammy argued, trying to scoot closer to the edge of the bed as he tried to see around his father.

"Samuel." Bobby said in his warning voice as he stepped up beside him.

"But Dad." Sammy started as one foot touched the floor.

"Sammy." Dean said causing Sammy to freeze. Sammy's eyes narrowed as he took in Dean's pale face, pinched slightly in pain as one of his hands pressed subconsciously to his side when he tried to turn to face Sam.

"What happened? I thought you were going to get out of here soon." His voice rose slightly in panic as he continued, "I thought you were better."

Dean blinked a couple of times letting it sink in that Sammy didn't seem to remember the basement events at all. If that was bad or good he couldn't decide as he studied his little brother's face.

Bobby cleared his throat as he looked quickly between his boys before he said, "Your brother got a little ahead of himself and tried to do too much too soon."

Dean's head jerked up to stare at Bobby and Sammy knew he was missing something important. He rubbed at his forehead as he watched his family struggle with something he either didn't know or… his hand froze as a scene like from a movie on fast forward filled his vision. Sitting beside Dean watching him sleep zoomed into him crouched on the floor. Him curling into a corner of a dark place with a patch of light coming out from under… something as he held a syringe. _The_ magic stop all. He wanted to simply forget… _to sleep_. It seemed so simple… _so logical_. At least at the time it seemed the only way to make it happen. Some sleep without a replay of his time with his crazed… _no possessed_ birth father. He thought he'd be back to Dean before he woke up. And then suddenly there was Dean… _in front of him_. Dean who looked relieved, mad and scared all rolled into one… His thoughts shattered as he felt someone grab him and shake him. He tried to focus but it was so hard to see through the tears streaming down his face. When he finally focused on who was shaking him he heard his father snap.

"Dean stay the fuck where you are. You pull those stitches out again and I'll…" And then Bobby's voice and his bluster faded into silence as he stared down at his youngest.

Sammy watched his dad a second or two before he whispered, "I'm sorry." then he looked over at Dean who was sitting up but paling quickly as he struggled to stay upright.

"D…" He said softly, causing his older brother to still and watch him.

"Sammy?' Dean said in a voice that hitched in pain.

"I'm so-sss-sorry." Sammy stuttered out as he told his Dad, "Please. I need to talk to Dean."

Bobby studied his youngest as he wondered if this would be what they needed to get things back on track with the family. Maybe Sammy would open up to Dean. He dropped his hands before placing a hand on Sammy's elbow and helping him move to stand.

Dean slowly sank back onto the bed as he waited on his little brother to get to him. _His baby brother_. The same little shit he was going to handcuff to one of them so he could sleep in peace, knowing he couldn't sneak off anywhere.

**TBC**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any other sandbox besides mine. It's too damn bad really. ~Smiles~ but I do so love play time!

**NOTE#1: **Thank you all so much for taking the time to read, review, fav and alert! I hope all my FFF's are okay out there with all the crazy weather we've been having! We had a lightening strike across the road last night and no power for most of the town for about 6 hours… but hey that's better than 2 weeks no power because of ice, right? Record amounts of rain… just last night we had 4 inches. My yard is REALLY green and growing like crazy… I'm going to post this chapter and then later answer my reviews... (I'm sorry... it's seems to be happening alot lately) I WILL answer them and I still love and appreciate the time taken to do them! Well, enough of my rattling… here comes "The Talk"…

Chapter 29

After Bobby got Sammy settled on the bed next to Dean he cleared his throat and when both boys were looking at him he informed them sternly, "I'm going to go down and get some coffee and you both better be right here when I get back."

Dean smiled at his dad. It was so like him to give them the one on one time so they wouldn't get embarrassed with what they said to each other by having their dad listen in.

Sammy blinked then glanced down ashamed, it was his fault they were both so worried.

Bobby placed his hand on Sammy's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze as his tone gentled, "Just stay put okay?"

Dean continued to watch his family as he thought, _Come hell or high water once Sammy promised his dad he would be sitting in the same spot when their dad strolled back in_.

Sammy nodded as he mumbled while still staring at his toes, "I promise."

Bobby patted his shoulder once then let his hand drop as his gaze moved to Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes as his reminded his dad, "I couldn't even if I wanted to."

Sammy's gaze jerked from his toes to his brother's face. As he studied the pale features he knew as well as his own he cleared his throat nervously.

Bobby slipped quietly from the room. He needed coffee but he needed also to update John.

Dean watched him quietly for several seconds before he ordered, "Start talking."

Sammy frowned, his hand moving to the blanket to pluck at the seam as he asked, "About what?"

"Whatever is going on in that freaky head of yours." Dean stated as he watched his little brother's every movement.

Sammy cleared his throat again before he mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Dean frowned before he asked, "Just what exactly are you apologizing for?"

Sammy ran a hand through his hair making it stand on end but said nothing else.

After a few seconds Dean sighed in frustration before he snapped, "Are you actually sorry for anything or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?"

Sammy glowered up at him before he said, "I'm sorry for a lot of things." Glancing at his brother he asked, "What happened to… why are you worse again?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Dean asked the surprise evident in his whole bearing.

Sammy nodded silently.

"I had to carry my idiot little brother out of the basement of this…" He looked around before he continued sarcastically, "Fine establishment."

"Why?" He asked his face void of any expression.

Dean covered his mouth with his hand before rubbing it roughly back and forth a couple of times before he growled, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"D… I remember you being in the basement with me and then nothing." Sammy said. He was shocked at how it had come out so much more a whine than he'd intended.

Dean softened his tone as he told him, "Sammy, I've been pretty messed up recently but even when he…" He stopped, took a breath as he blinked back tears, "_When you were taken_… I was just as scared as I was pissed…"

Sammy started to shake his head and opened his mouth only to snap it shut again when Dean held up his hand to silence him.

"I was mad at him… _never you_." He looked at Sammy and reached out a hand to grab Sam's upper arm, "But the basement thing. It's a major should never."

Sammy looked down ashamed.

"You scared the shit out of me, man." Dean admitted. "Sammy. I don't want you to ever think that anything that's happened changes anything between us." His grip tightened as he waited for Sammy to look up.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't… I didn't mean…" Sam stopped because he couldn't seem to say what he wanted. What was in his head didn't seem to want to come out his mouth. He needed to move forward to something he _could _talk about, his lower lip trembled as he murmured, "It changes everything."

"Samuel Robert Singer." Dean snapped as he gave his arm a major squeeze and jerked his brother up close to him. Startled hazel eyes gazed at him, slightly bewildered as he waited for what would come next. "Do I have your attention?" He waited for a yes nod from his little brother before he began, "Whatever you did to survive is just that. _Survival_. It doesn't define you. It doesn't make you _who_ you are. Don't you get that?"

A no shake of the head had Dean sighing and he began again, "You have spent the last 15 years growing as a person… _an individual_. So you really think 2 weeks is that much of a defining moment in your life that it forever burns away all those years of the shaping of _you_?"

Sammy shrugged, but still said nothing.

"Well, I don't." Dean stated firmly before he added, "It doesn't erase the years Dad and I raised you, does it?" he demanded an answer.

At Sam's blank stare, Dean sighed and said, "Have you forgot the months of reading the 'Little Bear' stories to you over and over because you didn't want to hear any other stories? Or the hours of playing soccer out by the pond?"

A slight shake of his head as he whispered, "I remember but what does that have to do with..."

"I mean…" Dean started to clarify.

Sammy whispered seemingly out of the blue, "When the monster comes out to play there will be hell to pay."

"What?" Dean asked loosing his train of thought.

"He said I am the monster, just like him." Sammy whispered softly.

"Awh, Sammy." Dean pulled Sammy into his arms as held him even though he lay stiff and unresponsive. "You know it's not true."

Sammy said nothing_, because no he didn't know it wasn't true_. Not anymore. Not after everything that had happened. Everything he'd done.

"Sammy. You are not a monster. A pain in my ass maybe…" Dean gave a small smile that Sammy couldn't see before he added, "But never a monster."

"Dean you can't say that. You don't know." Sam whispered.

"Then tell me. Sammy… how can I fix this if you won't trust me?" He asked with a sigh onto the top of Sam's head.

Sam stiffened and made to sit up only to be held in place by Dean. "_You don't trust me _or you would have told me that you aren't sleeping because of nightmares… hell you would have told me about them."

"D… I didn't want you to know…" He sighed as he pulled up his sleeve and pointed to a scabbed over cut on his wrist. "What good does it for you to know that this was the first cut or that this…" He pointed at his cheek and said, "That this was the last one."

Tears sprang into his eyes as he told his little brother, "Because if it helps you get through it I will hear it... I need to know so I can help you through this." Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth before he said in a low voice, "Why…"

"I just wanted to sleep D." He pulled away and then stood. He half sobbed before he turned away and whispered, "He was right, ya know."

"About what, Sammy?" Dean whispered hoarsely.

A sob escaped as he cradled his stomach with his hands and after several minutes he spoke quietly, "_I was weak_… I couldn't take it."

"Sammy?" Dean said softly as he reached out and after a few seconds he let his hand drop. He couldn't stop the grunt of pain that escaped as he tried to sit up.

Sammy spun around and lunged at him as he grabbed his arms and pushed him back, he snapped, "Don't you dare."

"Sammy, don't you get it?" Dean said wearily, "You are worth it to me… then, now, tomorrow… bitch always."

Sammy blinked back tears before he collapsed onto to his brother's chest and sobbed.

Dean instantly wrapped his arms around him as he whispered, "I gotcha little brother. I gotcha."

After several minutes of crying it faded into hiccups and sniffles. Sam whispered betweens hiccups, "I knew you'd come."

"When?" Dean asked softly.

"When I needed you." Sammy said simply.

"I tried Sam. I really did… I'm so sorry." Dean whispered into the top of Sammy's head even as a sob escaped.

"Don't do that." Sammy demanded sitting up.

"Don't what?" Dean asked surprised.

"Don't blame yourself for this." Sammy ordered firmly.

"How can I not, little brother? How can _you _not? I dropped the ball and you got hurt because…" Dean said heatedly, angry with himself at his self perceived failure.

"Shut up." Sam snapped, sitting up straighter and glaring at Dean.

"What?" Dean asked, shocked and giving him a _You're telling me to shut up? _Look.

"Shut up. You are the reason I survived. Knowing you were coming. I knew it… without any doubt and I told him you'd be pissed. If I remember right… you were." Sam said with a tiny smile.

Dean smiled back and said slowly, "So, I'm sorry and you're sorry. I blame me and you blame you… oh, and Dad blames himself… so, how about we blame the one who is really responsible?"

Sam raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"The demon that John finally ended." Dean said firmly. He knew that John blamed himself as well, but Sammy wasn't ready for that yet. "Let take it slow right now."

"Take what slow?" Sam asked with a glance to the door.

"Everything. Let's just be brothers right now and the hell with everything else." Dean told him with a grin and tug on Sam's bangs. "Dude, you need a haircut."

Another eyebrow raise and he smirked, "You should talk, Shaggy."

"Bitch." Dean said his grin lighting up his face.

Sam chuckled as he responded automatically, "Jerk."

**TBC**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer:** I still play in sandboxes and build castles to touch the sky. I dream and play and wonder at all the magic still in the world… but that doesn't make me one step closer to being the owner of the Winchester World.

**NOTE#1:** I'm sorry for the non-posting of Tuesday's chapter. I lost a very special cousin that was the same age as me and whom I grew up with. I posted an apology on my profile and I again will say I'm sorry, it's just hard to say goodbye to someone you expect to leave so soon.

Anyway, I was out of town for a funeral on Monday (different state) and grandbaby's graduation from pre-K (another different state). I left Saturday morning and got home Wednesday evening. I had actually planned on ending the story with an epilogue being the final chapter (chap 30). But honoring the request for more heart to heart I decided to add at least one more chapter.

**NOTE#2: **Thank you for all the reviews, favs and alerts! As always I greatly appreciate them.

Chapter 30

Another couple of days passed and Dean was thankful for the chance to spend it with his family. He knew he needed to try to get Sammy to open up more. He also knew he'd told Sam they'd just be brothers and not worry about anything else and he was trying to honor that but Sammy was still way too jumpy. He startled at the slightest sound. He was chewing his nails and growling at strangers. Ok, maybe the growling was a slight exaggeration. But he had to try to fix Sammy and he also had to make sure he was there to catch him this time.

He cleared his throat causing Sam to jump but other than that Sam remained staring out the window.

"Sammy…" Dean started only to stop as he watched his little brother stiffen in response to his voice.

Sammy looked out the window for a moment longer before he turned and stared at Dean.

Dean shifted uncomfortably under Sam's intense stare.

Sam tried for a grin before he said softly, "Well, you lasted longer than I expected."

Dean frowned as he sat up farther in the bed. A small grunt escaped at the slight pull of the stitches and the bandage.

Sammy rushed over and pushed Dean back against the pillows. Then he sat down beside him and stared at him.

After a couple of very long minutes Dean finally asked, "I lasted…"

Sammy interrupted him, "You lasted longer than I expected." He then gave Dean a small smile. He had expected Dean to try for '_the talk_' the day after their last one. He knew Dean needed all the facts in order to process events in his mind. _Funny how that worked. _He needed every tiny detail of every minute of events in Sammy's life in order to move past it. But don't ask about the things Dean had to endure. Sammy oriented stuff was all important, not so with Dean. That was of course the facts of life according to Dean.

Dean gave him a flash of his _stop women in their tracks _smile and a shrug.

"Ok, Dean." Sammy said with a sigh.

"Ok?" Dean repeated. He was confused. Normally it was like pulling nails to get Sammy to talk. So what was the catch?

"Ok." Sammy repeated and then his dimpled smile appeared.

Dean got that sinking feeling, the one that let him know that he wasn't going to like what came next.

"I will tell you what you want to know… when you tell me what happened while I was gone." Sam said firmly.

"You know what happened. We were looking for you." Dean snapped crankily. Shit sure backfired quickly. He hadn't even seen that one coming. _It was the drugs. Had to be. Damn painkillers._

"Dean." Sammy said, snapping his fingers in front of his face.

Dean was immediately focused on Sam's face again.

Sammy smiled as he said, "We can always forget the whole thing."

Dean glared at Sam. He hated feeling like he was backed into a corner with no easy way out. Then he sighed as he asked, "What do you want from me Sammy?"

"Nothing. What do you want from me?" Sam asked smirking at the glare Dean was currently leveling at him.

"I want you to be okay." Dean answered honestly.

"I am. I'm home and I have you and Dad. I'm good." Sammy said, looking away as he said it.

"Liar." Dean growled as he smacked Sammy on the arm.

"I'm fine." Sammy declared as he turned to stare at him once again.

"You need to talk about it. You always have and then you can put it away and move on." Dean told him firmly.

Sam chuckled before he stated, "That's you, D. Not me."

"Sammy." Dean whined.

Sammy sighed. _He had lost_. He never could refuse a whiny Dean. Mainly because he very rarely used that tone with him. "After he knocked you out, he demanded that I go with him…"

Dean interrupted to ask, "Why weren't there any signs of a struggle? Why didn't you put up a fight?"

Sam stood and took a step back as tears sprang to his eyes.

Dean rubbed a hand across his mouth before he said gently, "Sammy."

"Why?" Sammy ran a hand through his hair before he snapped, "I didn't because you were laying there and he had a gun pointed at your head." His voice raised in anger, "So no, I didn't fight. As far as I knew he'd already killed Dad…" He stopped, took a breath, "I wasn't about to let him take you away from me too." Sam admitted as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Sammy, I'm sorry… I should have killed him when I had the chance." Dean said, his lip trembling.

"Dean… you idiot. This is not your fault." Sammy said as he moved back to Dean.

"Well, it sure feels like it." Dean admitted tiredly.

"That's you trying to shoulder the world." Sammy clarified.

"What?" Dean asked quietly.

"Everything is Dean Singer's fault…" Sammy said hoarsely as he leaned in closer and then he finished his sentence. "Well, I'm telling you its not." Sammy ended passionately.

Dean wasn't about to respond to that, he knew what was his fault and what wasn't.

"You can wipe that look off your face, Dean. I'm not telling you another thing until you can admit this wasn't your fault." Sammy snapped sitting down and placing a hand on Dean's arm.

Dean bowed his head as a tear escaped, _How had this backfired so quickly? _He looked up, "I just want you to be okay." he confessed.

"I told you I am." Sammy stated.

"Sammy." Dean said simply, lying back tiredly against the pillows.

"I was terrified that he was going to kill you. After I went downstairs with him, I saw Dad." Sam said and then stopped. He bowed his head.

Dean grabbed his hand and covered it with his own.

"He told me if I tried to get away he'd come back and kill you. I couldn't let him do that. Not because of me." Sammy admitted so softly that Dean had a hard time hearing him.

"Sammy." Dean said just as quietly, not sure what he wanted. Maybe for him to stop, maybe he really didn't want to hear all the details. Not in the pain filled voice he had to listen to coming from his Sammy. His little brother he'd failed to protect.

"He pretty much drugged me before we even got out of town…" Sammy continued unaware of the internal struggle going on with his big brother, "I didn't have a chance. He kept me drugged. So, I didn't really know what was happening. Didn't feel pain either cause he kept me doped up… so… see… it wasn't…"

"If you finish that with it _wasn't really that bad_… I will so kick your ass." Dean growled as his grip tightened on Sam's'.

"Dean I don't remember much… that's what I'm telling you." Sammy told him earnestly, "I promise when I do you will be the first one I hunt down to spill all the gory details to… deal?" Sammy declared before he made a show of crossing his heart and mouthing "I swear."

"Sammy, I just can't loose you." Dean stated truthfully.

"I'm right here, jerk." Sammy pulled his hand free and gave him a hug as he whispered in Dean's ear, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Dean sniffled as he muttered, "Damn drugs."

"What?" Sammy asked pulling back to stare at his brother.

"Drugs… they're making me all girlie." Dean whined pathetically.

"Dude, I hate to break it to you but… that has nothing to do with the drugs." Sammy chuckled at the expression on Dean's face.

"Bitch." Dean said with a glare but ruined it by smiling.

"Jerk." Sammy retorted immediately as he pulled Dean back into a hug.

**TBC**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine. I still dream and try to catch the falling star to wish upon but until then… Sandbox here I come! (No unfortunately not mine… ever)

**NOTE#1: **Last Tuesday as you all know was another non-posting for me. I'm so sorry. My husband lost his grandmother and we were actually in another state for a funeral on Tuesday… yes again. (I'm more than ready for this to NOT happen again) Then company came home with me and the last of the company left Sunday after 3 pm. (I did post a note on my profile-unsure how many actually saw it)

**NOTE#2:** **Thank you so much for the reviews as well as the favs and alerts!** Love them! I hope the extra Chapters... 30 and 31 make up for the wait. I had planned on ending with Chap 30 but continued and added 2 chapters at the request of more bro time. Hope you like and it was worth the wait...

Chapter 31

"Boys. Am I interrupting something?" Bobby asked, stopping just inside the doorway. Their dad had stepped out to get something to eat; something that wasn't hospital food… after of course extracting a stay put promise. Now he was back. Time flew when you were spilling your guts. Or in their case, trying to balance telling enough to keep the other satisfied without spilling all that you knew to the other.

Dean looked at Sam, giving him a smile as Sam pulled back from the hug and returning the smile. "Naw, Dad… we're good. Did you bring us back some decent food? I'm freakin' starving' here."

Sam chuckled as he turned to look at his dad, "Did you bring me a milkshake?"

"You asked didn't you?" Bobby snorted as he sat the bags down on the table beside Dean's bed. Opening a bag he started pulling out drinks as he said, "I talked to Michael while I was out."

Sammy took the drink handed to him and passed it on to Dean, his eyes not leaving his dads as he reached for his own.

"Why?" Sammy asked suspiciously.

"Update on how you boys are doing." Bobby said vaguely as he reached into another bag and pulled out a burger, handing that over to his youngest who immediately handed it over to Dean.

Sammy took his milkshake as he studied his dad asked, "So what aren't you telling us?"

Bobby took a big bite of his burger as he chewed he pointed at Sam's untouched burger.

"Dad." Sammy whined.

"Sammy." Bobby replied between bites.

Dean sat down his empty wrapper on the bedside table and wiping his hands on a napkin he supplied, "I'm betting it's for a checkup with Michael before we get the all clear for a trip to check out Cali… am I right?"

Bobby looked at Dean and it didn't go unnoticed how he had included himself in the equation. With a hint of a smile Bobby agreed, "Yes… I just want to make sure it's not too soon for a trip."

"Dad… I said I was sorry. Can't that be enough?" Sammy questioned with still the hint of whine in his voice.

"Sammy, it's not to punish you boys, I need to know that I can…" He stopped and looked away.

Sammy muttered angrily, "Make sure I'm not gonna overdose behind your back. Make sure your druggie can be trust…"

Bobby tossed his burger toward the table and grabbed Sammy by the arms, giving him a slight shake as he growled, "Do I have your attention?"

Dean murmured in protest, "Dad."

"Shut up Dean. He needs this." Then Bobby's attention was back on Sammy as he snapped, "What happened while you were taken is not who you are, unless you let it be! Do you understand that? I know it's hard… that's one of the reasons we're going back to the clinic. I was a little unsure about it until now. Now I know it's the way we need to handle it." Bobby rumbled as he stared Sammy down.

"Why?" Sammy whispered trying hard to hold back the tears.

"Because Sammy, they can teach us how to handle this. The three of us. We gotta learn how to move past this. _This…_ this is not who we are." Bobby let go and took a step back.

Sammy looked down at his feet as he whispered, "I'm sorry. I never meant to disappoint you."

"Boy, you never have. I'm very proud of you both." Bobby said softly.

"Honestly, Dad how can you be? I mean I get how you can with Dean. That's easy. But me?" Sammy looked genuinely confused as he questioned his father.

"Sammy, you stayed for us…" Bobby's breath hitched before he took in a shuddering breath and continued, "You could have easily checked out. But you held on until we found you."

Dean said softly, "We need you, jerk." When Sammy turned and looked at Dean as he repeated, "We really need you with us."

Sammy bit his lip as he looked from brother to parent and back, "But what if it gets too much again?"

"Then you tell me." Dean said softly.

"We'll handle it together." Bobby clarified.

Unknown to the three inside the room, John leaned against the wall outside the door. Listening. He couldn't help but feel jealous and angry at the lost time with the boys. _But who could he blame… really? He had made the decision. He had asked Bobby and he had accepted the arrangement. Hell, it was even his idea for Bobby to adopt them. Thought it would keep them safer. And it had… for awhile. All of it was his plan so who was he mad at really? _

_What would life had been like had he'd made a different decision all those years ago? Would he be as close to them as Bobby was or would they hate him for dragging them along from one hunt to the next? He knew it was too late for what ifs' but he would always wonder if the demon would have caused this much destruction if they had stayed the Winchesters? Dean barely tolerated him and Sammy… _he choked back a sob as he pushed away from the wall. _He had to get away. He had to sort everything out in his head. He had to make it make sense. He couldn't do that in a hospital hallway listening to his sons with Bobby. Being the continual outsider. It was by his choice but it didn't make it any easier. There had to be a balance and he needed to find it… or go crazy._

He walked just inside the doorway and cleared his throat.

Three heads swiveled in unison to stare at him and all conversation stopped.

He ran a hand through his hair as he said, "I'm taking off…"

Dean's eyes widened before he looked quickly away. He folded his arms as he thought, _I knew it. He wouldn't stay. He promised after the demon was taken care of…_

John held his hand up, interrupting Dean's thoughts, as he said firmly, "Just while you guys are at the clinic. Bobby can call me when you want me to take over at the yard."

He looked at Dean as he took a step closer, but making sure at the same time not to get too close to Sammy, "But… I promised you Dean I was done with hunting after the demon was killed… I'm keeping that promise."

Then he looked at Sammy as his tone softened, "But Sammy needs to… he needs time without me around."

Sammy stared at John before he whispered, "I'm sorry I ruined your life."

"What?" John asked, unconsciously taking a step closer.

"You were right. If I had never been born you, Dean and mom could have been happy. For that I'm sorry." Sammy clarified as he forced himself not to look away. It was his fault. It was his cross to bear.

"Sammy." Dean snapped. _How many times did it take to convince him he wasn't at fault?_

John held up his hand, "The three proudest moments in my life were when I married your mother and the other two was when you boys were born. You weren't to blame, you were a baby Sammy. Understand? I don't blame you. God…" A hand went roughly through his hair as he said, "If anyone's screwed up lives here it was me… and for that I am sorry." Tears started to slide down his cheeks before he rushed from the room.

Sammy sat there blinking in shock… _Which was the truth? He wanted to believe what he'd just heard. But he saw the hate and the intense rage that was directed at him the whole time he was with John. He was possessed but was any of it really John?_ He was so confused.

"See. I told you." Dean slugged him lightly on the arm as he stared after John.

Sammy stared at the beaming smile that Dean was displaying and gave him a tiny smile in return. Sammy cleared his throat before he said softly, "I'm glad he's keeping his promise to you."

"No, jerk." Dean frowned and aimed another slug at his arm as he stated firmly, "It ain't your fault. You've been told by all involved… _well except yourself_." He corrected quickly, "So get with the program and agree with the rest of us."

Sammy knew what Dean wanted but he wasn't quite there yet. He had to shoulder some of the blame. _Didn't he? _Sammy glanced quickly at Bobby before looking down at his feet. It just seemed like a simple solution. _If he'd never been born…_

Bobby cleared his throat, _the big guns were about to come out. _"If you had never been born where would I be right now? You seem to think you know where Dean would be… living the life in suburbia with mom and pop. Happily oblivious to no Sammy. But me, where would I be?"

"Working in the yard, maybe with kids of your own." Sammy said, because that's what his daydreams or night terrors always told him.

"I'd be dead." Bobby told him firmly.

Sammy flinched and Dean whispered in shock, "Dad."

"No. It's time you both knew the truth. You boys are my _Happy Ever After_." Bobby gave them a brief smile before he continued on, "Can you guess what I was doing when John appeared on my doorstep with you two in tow?"

Both silently shook their heads to the negative.

"I was getting my affairs in order. I was going to kill myself. So… _no_ there would be no kids in my future. No happy anything and sure as hell no ever after." Bobby stated bluntly.

Tears slid down Sammy's cheeks as Dean reached over and patted his arm. Dean said softly, "Dad." as he himself tried desperately to hold onto his own tears.

Bobby held up his hand to silence his oldest, "There it is. The truth. You boys saved me. So maybe there was no "normal" for you with a mom and dad, picket fence and all that shit. But you saved me. Gave me something to live for. A reason to stay. And if you boys aren't going to be here… then neither am I." He finished, crossing his arms across his chest. He didn't know how they'd react to the truth.

Sammy blinked a couple times and then launched himself into Bobby's arms, sobbing loudly.

Dean bit his lip and he thought about everything that had happened. _He wondered what life would have been like with John on the road. Hunting things… a family business? _He shook his head, _Sammy would have hated it. He would have pined away for the "normal" they'd had with their dad. He might have stayed close to John but Sammy would have been angry… and their dad… the new one_, he corrected himself_, that John had given them would be dead. _He startled when Sammy landed on his bed and grabbed him into a hug.

"Thank you for staying for me." Sammy said quietly in his ear.

Dean hugged him back as he said softly, "Someone had to. You know… to keep you inline and on track."

"jerk." Sammy muttered in his ear.

Dean looked over Sammy's shoulder and mouthed at Bobby, "Love you, dad."

Bobby smiled as he watched his boys and knew. _They were going to make it_. Then he smiled when he heard Dean mutter, "bitch."

**TBC**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Not mine… **not even a teeny weensy bit of the Winchester World, unless you count the sand I stole from their sandbox! LOL… sounds a little bit stalkerish, huh?

**NOTE: **Normally I do not add chapters after I finish the rough draft, but I have broken my own rules and done so for this story. I have added 3 additional chapters on this story, this chapter being number 3. Hope you all enjoy them, like I enjoy the reviews, favs and alerts.

**THANK YOU ALL!**

Chapter 32

A week or so into the therapy Sammy and Dean were in the bedroom they were sharing at Michaels. Dean was lying on his bed watching his little brother worriedly. Therapy had been far from easy for any of them, but Sammy had grown quiet and reflective. He was worried about what kinds of thoughts could be swirling around in his little brother's head. He was afraid it was some kind of mine field of different ways he could blame himself for the events that had taken place. They were supposed to be relaxing since it wasn't dark yet. Instead Dean took a deep breath as he watched Sam stare out the window, he jumped in with both feet and said, "Sammy…" He paused and watched Sam stiffen but other than that he didn't move. So Dean went on, "Sammy, what you thinking about?"

Still no movement or sound from Sam. Only the view of Sam's back as he planned his next move.

Dean frowned as he confessed softly, "The only thing that I need is you and dad. As long as I know you're good… I'm okay."

Sam touched the window, drawing and invisible cross with his finger as he asked softly, "What do you want from me Dean?"

"Sammy… I'm telling you how I feel." Dean informed him with a frown as he watched Sammy's back stiffen even further.

"What?" Sam snapped turning from the window to face Dean as he growled, "You think you tell me something like that and then I'll just spill my guts."

Dean gave him his best smile, the one that won women's hearts every time it was directed their way. Before he said with a shrug, "Pretty much."

Sammy glared at him before he stomped closer, "I'm not telling you shit about your idol. I won't be the reason you hate him. I won't have you hate _me_ over this."

Dean stared at his little brother, stunned. Then sternly he said, "Nothing and I mean nothing will make me ever feel different about you. And by the way, John stopped being my idol a long time ago and it has nothing to do with you."

Sam smirked before he said nastily, "So tell me… you aren't pissed at him for hurting you, hurting dad…" then he clamped his lips shut.

"Hurting you?" Dean finished softly.

Sam stepped back away from Dean and toward the door.

"Yeah, I am. I'm mad as hell, Sammy. Is that what you want to hear? But it has nothing to do with you… you did nothing wrong."

"See, it's already started." Sam said softly, taking another step away from his big brother.

"What?" Dean asked confused. Then it dawned on him what Sammy expected from him causing him to catapult upright on the bed as he snapped, "You idiot! How the hell do you get I will hate you from I'm mad at John?"

"I didn't stop him." Sammy stated flatly.

"Well, neither did I. Do you hate me?" Dean stood as well as he continued, "It's my fault because I hesitated and it got you hurt, probably dad too." Dean blurted out and then bit his lip. He'd meant to get Sammy talking, not spill his own guts.

"No, Dean." Sam said softly, looking toward the window, away from Dean.

"NO?" Dean echoed.

"No." Sammy repeated, looking back at Dean.

"No what, Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Don't even think you can take the blame for this." Sammy snapped, taking a menacing step toward his brother.

"You think you can stop me?" Dean asked, with a quirk of his eyebrow as he sat back down on the bed.

"I know I can." Sammy stated as he came back over to Dean he sat on the edge of the bed beside him.

"You better grow a few inches…" Dean said with a hint of a smile.

"Dean. You came and got me. Can't that be enough?" Sam asked imploringly.

"Sammy… how can I help you if you won't let me in?" Dean retorted as he stared at Sam.

"Did you ever think that maybe… _just maybe_ it's not your job to fix every single thing in my life… that maybe you _aren't to blame _when something bad happens? _Shit happens Dean. _It's a fact of life. Whether you're good or bad eventually you're going to roll snake eyes and there's not a damn thing anybody can do to fix it."

"Sammy… you're my brother. It's my job to look out for you kid…" Dean looked away as a tear slid down his cheek.

Sam grabbed Dean's arm and gave him a slight shake, "You're a great big brother. John wasn't himself. He had a demon riding his ass. _We know this_. I just have to work through that."

"Maybe we both need to stop blaming ourselves?" Dean asked, looking at Sam with a half hopefully expression.

"Yeah, maybe." Sam said as he turned back to the window, walking over to stare out it again.

"What are you staring at?" Dean asked as he studied Sam.

"Nothing." Sam said and turned pink as he walked quickly away from the window.

Dean rushed past him over to the window and seeing what Sam had been watching, chuckled as he looked over his shoulder, "You sly dog you!"

"Shut up, D." Sammy growled as he rushed Dean and shoved him into the wall next to the window.

"Have you met them yet?" Dean asked, watching the three girls about Sam's age chasing each other around the yard.

"The redhead is Michael's daughter Terri. The other two are her cousins; here from out of state, Meg and her sister Sara Masters, I think they said."

"That's a yes then." Dean said with a smirk as he watched their carefree abandonment and felt a surge of envy. He wanted Sam to have that… hell he wanted it for himself as well. They made it look so easy to be happy as if they didn't have a care in the world. They stood watching the girls playing, each trapped in his own thoughts.

Later Bobby found them both staring out the window together into the gathering darkness and wondered what they found so fascinating.

**TBC**

**TInyNOte: **Do not remember anything about Meg Masters (college student) life other than her having a younger sister that she was very close to. Checked several sites, including Supernatural Wiki and found nothing on the name of Meg's younger sister, other than she killed herself after Meg's body was recovered. So made up the bit about them. But seeing as how the demon is dead. No possession? (That's my version anyway) J ~iamtryN


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine… sandbox dreams don't count. Too bad, huh? Hey, how about we settle this like Winchesters? (Rock, paper, scissors) I win... I keep? Oh, now... why not? Seems fair to me... (Fine... I'll just be pouting over here in my corner) ~evil grin...

**NOTE: **This was supposed to be the ending 3 chapters ago. But as I said in the last chapters I wrote 3 extra chapters which is something I never do. But there's a first time for everything, right? (Smiles) The point is... (yes there really is one) That, I've decided I am still making it the last chapter seeing that I never post something that doesn't at least have a rough draft done and I don't have the rough draft done yet for part 2. (I don't have anymore chapters done after this...) But don't panic, I have an idea where this will go. See working on the planage...

I hope you enjoy anyways and really hope it doesn't feel too abrupt for you. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, favs and alerts. I really appreciate them!** I have so enjoyed the trip with all my FFF! Thank you again for allowing me to be a part of the Fanfiction world with all of you!**

Chapter 33

Several months later Dean and Sam were loading up a van with stuff they wanted to take back with them to California. They were back home before Dean actually had to start classes. They had decided starting six months later was a good compromise. It wasn't the full year he requested when they'd lost Sammy but it gave them some time to adjust to all the changes. They had been working a couple of hours on packing when they called a goof off time out for the rest of the day.

Bobby and Sammy had gone to town to get something to BBQ. John was out of town delivering parts. Dean had chosen to stay behind, planning to meet up with the old girlfriend that he'd stood up months before. Unable to reach her he'd wandered around the house and then out in the yard. Memories good and bad were everywhere. They had grown up in this place. The salvage yard had been their home after John had left them with Bobby. So much of who they were was because of where they'd been. He smiled at how corny that thought had sounded in his head. Eventually he made his way out to the charger and pulled back its tarp. It was a sharp hunk of car. His dad had really taken care of her. He ran his hand lovingly along the hood as he walked beside it. He'd told his dad that he wanted her for a few years and then when Sammy turned 18 he'd pass the car to him. He still was undecided about the impala John had left them. He knew it was silly to hold a grudge against a car but there it was. He was idly wiping at the passenger side window when he noticed the box in the front seat.

He pulled open the door and reached in to pull out a video tape. He read the writing on it, "_Day 14." _Dean dropped the tape onto the seat as if it was a hot potato and quickly took a step back. Sammy had never mentioned recordings. He thought back, _no one had. _He vaguely remembered his dad with a box at the cabin but he hadn't bothered with it. He hadn't cared because he'd just gotten Sam back. After several minutes of pacing and running a hand through his hair he quickly picked the tape back up and tossed it into the box and slammed the door shut. Turning he leaned back against it as he thought about if he was ready to know what really happened to his little brother. The same little brother who had remained stubbornly silent about the whole thing. Well, about the details. He knew the main things, like the going from place to place but the conversations and what happened were sketchy.

After Dean had been well enough to leave the hospital they had went back to Michaels for Sammy to work through the rest of the program with Michael and his wife. After getting the all clear they had left for California not looking back until now.

Dean chewed on his lip as he debated if he really should take that step. If he was really ready to see what he _hadn't_ protected his little brother from. He was just now getting to where he could let Sam out of his sight for a few hours without heart stopping panic. And that was only if his dad was with him. He knew he needed to get past this hurdle. Sammy couldn't adjust to everything if he was always hovering over his shoulder. _But would looking at the tapes make it any better?_ He snorted at that thought, _No… he really doubted it. _But on the other hand he would know what Sammy was struggling with and couldn't he then help him deal with it all? He slapped the side of the car with his open palm… he was circling the idea like a vulture. He knew that even more than he didn't want to see… _he needed to_. He couldn't seem to get past it. Neither Sammy nor John would tell him anything. It was driving him crazy. And right there in the front seat was the answer. He turned and opened the door again. He stood there, staring once more at the box. He wasn't sure how long he stood there just staring at it. _Was he ready to do this? What would it mean for him and Sammy if he did this? Would Sammy forgive him?_ Finally he shut the door and stood staring down at his feet. He wasn't sure how much time passed before he slowly circled around pulling the tarp completely off the charger. He studied the car as he pulled out the set of keys his dad had given him. Slowly he made his way around to the driver's side. Finally he yanked open the door and climbed into the driver's seat. Starting the car he sat a few minutes longer gripping the steering wheel before he pulled his door shut and drove out of the garage. He chewed on his lip as he slowly circled the yard and then down the drive.

A couple hours later and he was still aimlessly driving. He hadn't made up his mind. He needed to see what was on those tapes but to do so would mean knowing things Sammy didn't want him to. _Would Sammy be able to tell that he knew?_ Probably. _So would it really be worth Sammy being pissed at him?_ The thoughts kept swirling around in his head like a tornado. Finally he pulled over at a small park that had a pond and sat staring at the water. Even more time slipped by as he sat there. His mind circling the possibilities and likely outcomes of each path he could choose.

As the day shaded into evening Bobby and Sammy carried groceries into the house while they talked about the dinner they had planned. Sammy tried to pretend that he wasn't jumpy and Bobby tried to pretend he hadn't noticed. As Sammy sat his bags on the table he asked, "You think Dean'll be back for dinner?"

"I don't know. He hasn't seen his girl in months. He may be out late." Bobby stated while he sat down his own bags, pretending he wasn't watching his son as he tried to appear unbothered by where they were… _home_. Would there ever be a time when home felt like home again?

"Well, maybe he'll call and let us know." Sammy said as he pulled bags of chips out of the paper bag.

"He's okay… he just took the charger and went to see…" Bobby stopped what he was saying to walk over and pick up the phone that had interrupted him.

"Singer Salvage." Bobby said into the phone. "Oh, hey John." Bobby said giving a quick look at Sammy, who flinched at the mention of John's name but said nothing.

Sammy opened a bag of chips and started eating out of the bag pretending he wasn't bothered by the phone call as he waited for Bobby to get off the phone.

"Ok, then." Bobby said and quickly hung up.

Sammy stared at Bobby knowing he would soon tell him about the call.

"John's going to be gone for several days. Probably won't be back before we take off. He apologizes but something came up… a car auction or something." Bobby said as he walked back over to the bags and started pulling things out of them to put away.

Sammy forced a smile and was secretly relieved that he didn't have to deal with John yet. He knew he would eventually and he really appreciated the space that John was clearly providing.

Sammy pulled a cold Pepsi out of the fridge and opened it. As he took a swig of it Bobby chuckled.

"Aren't you suppose to help put away the groceries not take them back out." Bobby asked.

Sammy smirked over the Pepsi but said nothing. He was secretly worried. Dean made it a point to call every couple of hours to check on them. Being with a girl wouldn't stop that, so where was Dean? Dean had been annoying consistent with the calls…

"Stop it Sammy. He's fine." Bobby said as he studied his youngest. It was odd that Dean hadn't called or shown up. It was unusual as of late, but there was no point in worrying Sammy over what would probably amount to nothing.

Sammy forced another smile and tried for a smirk as he said, "You're right, Dean's a slut."

"Samuel Robert Singer." Bobby choked out as he stared at Sammy incredulously.

Sammy laughed as he chucked a package of hotdogs at his dad.

Bobby caught them and gave his son a mock glare, "I swear you sound more and more like Dean everyday."

Sammy's smile broadened as he snarked back, "Yeah, I know… ain't it awesome?"

Bobby smiled back at him; things were finally on the upward slope of getting to the okay portion of their journey.

"How about you help me cook so that our always starving D won't have to wait on food? You know he's not very good at that." Bobby said trying for light hearted. He'd have to talk to Dean about no calling and how much it worried Sammy.

A couple of hours later and dinner was cooked and sitting untouched on the dining room table.

Bobby gave Sammy as smile as he urged him to eat, "Won't we look like assess when he shows up after being too involved with his girl to call. I'm sure that's all it is."

Sammy nodded but he didn't believe it, not really. He had a terrible feeling deep down in his gut that Dean was in trouble and that Dean needed him to save him this time. It was stupid but there it was. It didn't have to make sense, they had learned long ago to trust the gut thing. And his gut was currently going off like a tornado siren.

Close to 2 am and no Dean, no call and plenty of panic had Bobby and Sammy on the front porch staring down the driveway.

Sammy was chewing his bottom lip bloody as he willed Dean to come home… pull in the driveway and tell them all the sordid details of his night. But the drive remained dark as Bobby placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "He's fine Sammy."

"Dad... I have this feeling." Sammy began but stood from the porch swing he'd been sharing with his dad and walked over to the railing and leaned over it.

"What?" Bobby asked nervously. His boys had a bond that transcended normal brotherhood.

Sammy turned and leaned against the rail as he looked at his dad who was still sitting on the porch swing. He ran a hand through his hair as he said simply, "He needs me."

"Well, of course he does, we both do." Bobby said reassuringly.

"That's not what I mean Dad. _He needs me_." Sammy shook his head as he slammed his fist down on the railing, "He… _I gotta save him this time_." he cried out passionately as a tear slid down his cheek.

Bobby stood and took a step towards Sammy only to stop when Sammy held up his hand as he whispered, "Stop. I'm not crazy."

"I never said you were." Bobby argued gently.

"Dad." His said hoarsely before his fist slammed into his chest. "I feel it here and I'm scared."

Bobby hurried over to him and pulled him into a hug as he murmured, "He's okay. He'll call or come home any minute and laugh at us for being old ladies worryin' over nothing'."

Sammy stood stiffly for several seconds before melting against his dad as he mumbled, "I hope so Dad I really do."

As if right on cue the phone in the house started ringing and Sammy broke away from his dad and raced for the phone, yanking it up he practically yelled into the phone, "Dean?"

Dean chuckled as he asked, "How'd you know it was me?"

"Where the hell are you?" Sammy snapped, his worry quickly masked by anger.

"Out with my girl." Dean said softly.

"You said you'd be home early." Sammy said his voice filled with suspicion.

"I know buddy, I lost track of time. I just came into town to use the pay phone. The guys are throwing a party out at the lake. I'll be out here until I don't know… noon maybe." Dean said flatly.

"D…" Sammy started.

"Kid, I'm okay… just tired." Dean admitted.

"Dean, promise me." Sammy demanded loudly.

"I promise I'm okay." Dean said immediately, knowing that Sammy needed to hear the words. "You and Dad good?" he asked as he tried to reroute the conversation.

"Yeah, your dinner's beyond cold. You ass, you scared the shit out of me." Sammy growled as he ran a hand through his hair with his free hand.

Dean chuckled again.

Sammy thought that it sounded forced and it made him feel like he wasn't getting the big picture. "Dean."

"What?"

"Dean, I need you to stay okay." Sammy admitted quietly.

"Okay…" He drew out the word before he added, "What brought on this sap fest?" Dean sighed as he said softly, "I'm sorry I worried you, I just lost track of time."

Sammy frowned as he asked, "So, I'll see you in the morning?"

"Love you Sammy, I gotta go… time's up." Dean said suddenly.

"Dean? Dean? I love you too." Sammy rushed out but it bothered him that he wasn't sure Dean heard him.

Dean heard him but said nothing. He hung up the phone as he looked around the parking lot. _The empty motel parking lot._ He hated lying to Sammy but he needed to do this… _alone_.

He had no idea how far from home he was… he'd driven for hours and then just picked a motel. He wasn't even sure of the name of where he was. For several more hours he sat looking at the box of tapes trying to make his mind up. Then he'd called his family and now he was ready.

He quietly made his way back to the motel room and opened the door to the dimly lit room.

He picked up the tapes sorting them into numerical order… _stalling_ really but it would be all too real soon enough. Picking up the tape marked '_Day 1_' he stared at it several minutes. This is what he knew he'd do the minute he saw them in the car. Suddenly he violently reached out and shoved the tape into the player. Stepping back he looked away… until he heard noise from the player. It had started automatically. He gave a violent shiver and turned slowly to see just how badly he'd failed his brother.

**THE END**

**TinyNote: **Working on a project with Hotshow as well as several other stories that I need to finish. I will keep updates on progress on my profile. Thanks again for coming along for the ride! Peace, dudes ~ iamtryN

**Random: **Have no idea what happened but when I tried to do a final edit... my connection failed and then I couldn't get back on (wouldn't let me login) and finally I got to log back in... unfortunately I had lost the entire final edit and had to redo... maybe this is a blessing in disguise and it's better this time around... well that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Huggs ~iamtryN to :)


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